Our Pumpkin Patch

The weather here in New Hampshire is starting to show signs of fall. Last week I started getting out my fall decorations. I got the idea to look for pictures of the kids with a pumpkin in the picture to print out to use as a decoration. Last year we got a big pumpkin and I took the kids picture with it. Now these pictures are so precious to me. We have 4 pumpkins in our patch and only 1 of them we will see grow. We continue to take one day at a time. Living each day to the fullest and enjoying each other. God has been so good to us in the last 3 1/2 months and has held us so close in his arms.

I was reading in my devotions this afternoon and this struck me. My daily bread said this; When the question is asked, 'Why did this happen?' perhaps one answer will be, 'So that many will consider where they will spend eternity.'" Trusting in the sovereignty of God can turn outrage into compassion and hatred into concern. Then I read this little saying; The Lord can turn a tragedy into an opportunity to show us that eternity must never be ignored. I also love this verse from 2 Timothy 4: 7,8 Lindsay has fought the good fight she has finished the race, so that we have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. Amen to that.

We are all apart of God's pumpkin patch and he gets to watch us grow into beautiful pumpkins that want to live for Him. So I ask you are you apart of God's pumpkin patch and are you growing to live your life for Him. I know that I fail sometimes but I know that God will forgive me and that He will help me grow.

Lindsay, you will always be our little pumpkin and we miss you so much!

Lindsay Butterflies

Here is what they look like. These were taken on Pop-Pop and Granny's butterfly bush!

3 Months And Yellow Butterflies

Today marks 3 months that Lindsay has been with Jesus. She is missed more and more everyday. Some days are harder than others and we just take one day at a time. Tanner is doing well and not a day goes by that something doesn't come up about something he remembers about her. God has been with us each step of the way in the past three months. If we didn't have him I don't know where we would be today. Tanner and I are in NJ and Jon is back at home. Please pray for Jon today as he isn't with us.

You are probably wondering about my title. When we went to Va for a little vacation we stayed at a lake house. One day while Tanner was playing in the sand at the lake 3 beautiful yellow butterflies came by us and they wouldn't leave. Everytime we were out they were out. Then I got to thinking about Lindsay and our other 2 babies that are in heaven with her and how those butterflies stayed together. Then when my parents came to visit in June the yellow butterflies were at our house but this time only one. Last week when Mom was outside with Tanner a yellow butterfly came and was flying around Tanner for awhile. Mom said that they haven't seen a yellow butterfly at all this summer. Yesterday when we were at Six Flags Mom said a yellow butterfly came on the playground with them. Everytime we see these yellow butterflies we are reminded of Lindsay. Tanner now calls them Lindsay butterflies. If you see a yellow butterfly around sometime just remember Lindsay and that she is watching over you.

We can't thank all of you enough for all your prayers, cards, posts on the blog, and for your encouraging words. We appreciate each and everyone of you. Please don't stop praying because we still need it. I would encourage you to still pray for the babies and kids on 8 south and for the doctors and nurses. You can still send them cards if you feel led. I am sure they would appreciate them all.

Lindsay Bear we miss you so much and we love you!

Written In God's Book

The last few days in my devotions, God has been taking me to Psalm 139. Lately on my mind has been why this happened, and what signs did I miss and should have caught. But then after reading Pslam 139 I am reminded that God knew before Lindsay was even concieved He knew the plan he had for her. One verse that struck me was verse 15-16 it says, My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Wow and so amazing to me. I know that this doesn't take away the pain of her not being here with us but in some small way it helps.
Yesterday a very special friend to our family went home to be with Jesus. Pastor Bill entered heaven's gates and was welcomed in by Jesus. As I was thinking about this today I am hoping that a blonde haired little girl with her Daddy's blue eyes and a smile that could light up a room, went to greet him and give him a great big hug. My friend Melissa also commented on her face book the same exact thing about her little girl. One day we will all enter those gates and I can't wait to see my Lindsay Bear running to welcome us. Please pray for the Raws family as they mourn the loss of a husband, dad, grandfather, and friend. Also keep praying for Mr. Steve. He is doing better but is still very sick. Please keep praying for my Dad as he goes through losing another friend and mentor. Dad and Mom were with Pastor Bill and the family yesterday when he went home. I know that was very hard for both of them to do. I love you Daddy and Mom!!!

Two Months

It's hard to believe that it has been two months today. We aren't exactly at the right time yet but still hard to believe. We have been so blessed over the past 2 months and God has given us so much comfort and strength to get through some hard days. I know this is not the end of the hard times but with our faith in God we can get through it. I was reading in my devotions this morning about trees. The title of the devotional is Graceful Oaks. In the beginning it talks about loving trees in the summer and how majestic and commanding . They offer their leafy, green shade free of charge. They bend in the breeze without breaking and they provide shelter for living creatures. Like the mighty oaks, God planted us in His garden. He put us there to care for all living things that are part of it. He placed us there for His glory. This really stuck out at me after reading it. Lindsay was placed in our garden. He gave her to us to help her grow and for us to take care of her and all for His glory. I have been asking God lately why He had to take her. I think I just got from Him part of my answer. God trusted Jon and I with Lindsay and we helped her grow. WOW! She was a beautiful little girl (like a flower) that grew and now she is even more beautiful in heaven. Our nurse Moria sent me an email yesterday and in her email she sent this poem.
God has not promised skies always blue, flower-shewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way. Grace for trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy undying love. What a neat poem and a perfect time to send it to.
I would like to ask you to please pray for a good friend of our family Mr. Steve Deichert. He had to have unexpected brain surgery yesterday. He is very critical right now. Mr. Steve is a great man and we got to work with him at Sandy Cove. Also if you could pray for Pastor Bill Raws as he is hanging on to life. My Dad could use your prayers as this has been difficult for him to watch Pastor Bill. After going through all of the things we went through with Lindsay he is going through it again.

Lindsay, We miss you so much and we love you more than you know. You will always be our Lindsay Bear and we will never ever forget you!

One More Day

Today has been a tough day for me as well as Jon. Some days are better than others for us. I don't know what sparked it for today but I am missing Lindsay so much. I am wanting to change her diaper and change her clothes. Jon and Tanner were working in the basement and she is supposed to be done there helping and causing trouble. Some days I just want to hold and snuggle her or hear her say Mommy and Daddy and watch her play with Tanner. This is all so hard and missing her hurts more and more each day. As I sit here and write my feelings tears stream down my face. As I said before I know that God has a reason for taking her home with him and I have to keep holding on to that. A song just came on the the ipod right now about casting all my cares upon the Lord and laying them at his feet. As more tears come from my eyes and remembering that I used to sing that to Lindsay while I held her hand. But how true that song is and that we can cast all our cares, fears, worries, at his feet. Those of you that have little ones don't take for granted all the times you have to change diapers, or clothes, or feed your little one, or hug and kiss them because if I had one more day I would do all those things and more!

She's In His Hands

She's In His Hands

A good friend sent me this picture today. I couldn't help but think of Lindsay when I saw the picture. It made me miss her so much, but what a wonderful

reminder that she is in the arms of our Savior.

I could help but think of Fanny Crosby's hymn, SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by His love o’ershaded,

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Hark! ’tis the voice of angels

Borne in a song to me,

Over the fields of glory,

Over the jasper sea.

Refrain:

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by His love o’ershaded,

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe from corroding care,

Safe from the world’s temptations;

Sin cannot harm me there.

Free from the blight of sorrow,

Free from my doubts and fears;

Only a few more trials,

Only a few more tears!

Jesus, my heart’s dear Refuge,

Jesus has died for me;

Firm on the Rock of Ages

Ever my trust shall be.

Here let me wait with patience,

Wait till the night is o’er;

Wait till I see the morning

Break on the golden shore.

Lindsay, we love you and miss you.

Life Without Jesus

Here is a poem I read the other day in my Nanny's devotional book.

Life without Jesus would be meaningless.

Life without Jesus would be hopelessness.

Life without Jesus I cannot conceive,

Lord I'm so glad for the day I believed.

Life without Jesus is not life at all.

No one to help us the moment we call.

No one to guide us each step of the way.

No one to answer the moment we pray.

Life without Jesus, life without Him.

Would just be a life that was still full of sin.

No hope for the future, eternity's mourn

Would be better, far better if we weren't born.

But life with the Saviour is life full of joy. (which Lindsay is doing)

Life with the Master no man can destroy.

He's mine for all time and eternity too

If only the world knew what Jesus could do.

The world with it's wealth and it's pleasure combined

Could never compare with salvation that's mine

For Jesus is all that this old world would need

If only they'd open their hearts and believe.

This poem spoke to my heart after I read it. If we didn't know Jesus we would have never made it through this. But we do know Him and that's all we need.

Today I was cleaning out the diaper pail to use when Julie, Garrett, Emma, and Ethan come on Sat. I had set it outside and forgot that there were a few diapers in there. So needless to say it was very smelly and full of rain water. As I was dumping out the water I realized that those were the last 3 diapers I changed at home. That sure made me sad and long more for Lindsay. You forget what it's like to change diapers everyday but I sure miss doing it everyday.

Windsay Did It!

I wasn't going to add a second post but this little story had to be told.

Yesterday afternoon I was cleaning out the van. I vaccumed and washed all the windows and they were sparkling. When we got in the van with Grandpa and Grandma to head to the airport I was sitting in the back with Tanner. I then was noticing places that I had missed when I was cleaning the windows. In the back window I noticed what looked to be finger print marks. I then asked Tanner if he had touched them when he was in the van watching me. He said no Mommy, Windsay did it!!! Needless to say we all broke out in laughter and even he thought he was funny.

Giving Back

Last night Tanner and I rode along to Boston with Grandpa and Grandma. Uncle Arlin and Aunt Linda were supposed to fly into Boston around 7:50 but didn't come in until 1o:30. Anyway, we went along to make a special trip back to Boston Children's Hospital to deliver some gift bags to five special nurses. I was given a whole bunch of lotions and facial stuff to give to them. Tanner and I also added dumb-dums and chocolate. Tanner would hand out dumb-dums to the nurses all the time while we were there. I have been back once since Lindsay went home but Tanner hadn't been back. He was very excited to get there and see what had changed. I was nervous going up the elevator to the 8 floor. Tanner of course got in and said 8th floor right Mommy. We were able to see Joanna, Melissa, Dr. Sarah, and Frank. It was wonderful to see them and to see there faces light up when we handed them there gift bag. It also felt strange not rushing back to bed space 9 to see what was happening. I almost felt lost just standing there and not going back. After we visited for awhile Tanner needed to get to the playroom. You should have heard him all excited about all the new toys that were there. We had some dinner in the cafeteria and then went to eat in the garden. Tanner was thrilled to see the fountains, flowers, and even the playground again. He even got to see the helicopter land and take off. It was a joy for me to watch him be so happy and excited to be back there. Maybe it was healing to him going back.
There is not a day, hour, minute, or second that does not go by that Lindsay is not on my mind. Even starting yesterday out and the tears that came for her. I sat and wondered what her hair would have looked like, listening to her talk even more, seeing her smile and I could go on. I hope sometime God would give me just a glimpse as to what she is doing up there in heaven. Going back to Boston where we spent so much time there and giving back something to the nurses felt so good. I wish I could have brought something for all of them but for those I did I felt joy. Joanna also had mentioned that she had gotten a card from someone and to see her light up talking about getting a card was neat. Please if you feel led to keep sending them cards to just let them know you are praying for them or thanking them please keep doing it. Lindsay's story is still being written and she is still touching people's lives. Lindsay Bear, Mommy loves you and misses you so much!

Somewhere Down the Road

Earlier in the week, Jan, Zach and me were in Ocean City with some dear friends. They wanted to watch the slide show that Jon's brother put together for Lindsay's Memorial service.

I thought I was doing better but watching that slide show sure did hurt. Today Laura sent us pictures ... she prefaced her email saying we might now want to open the pictures. I was not going to ... and then I did ... it stinks. I don't quite understand it ... I want to take the pain away from Laura and Jon. I want Tanner to have his best buddy back.

Right now none of this really makes sense, except for trusting in a sovereign God who sees the bigger picture that I cannot quite grasp. Tonight I read Amy Grant's new book, MOSAIC. Laura, you loved Amy as a kid ... I could tell a really funny story about one song you used to sing at the end of our driveway ... but you'd strangle me!

This song was just what I needed to hear -- SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD

So much pain and no good reason why,
You've cried until the tears run dry.

And nothing hear can make you understand.

The one thing you held so hear, has slipped from your two hands.

And you say
Why why why?D

Does it go this way?

Why why why

And all is can say is

Somewhere down the road,

There'll be answers to the questions

Somewhere down the road

Though we cannot see it now

Somewhere down the road

You will find mighty arms

Reaching for you

And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all

I thought I'd climbed the highest wall

But now I see that learning never ends.
And all I know to do is keep on walking

Walking 'round the bend.

Saying

Why why why?

Does it go this way?

Why why why?

And all I can say ... all I know to say now is

Somewhere down the road,

There'll be answers to the questions,

Somewhere down the road

Though we cannot see it now

Somewhere down the road

You will find mighty arms

Reaching for you

And they will hold the answers at the end of the road.

(Amy Grant)

I miss you, Lindsay Bear!

A Smile That Can Brighten Your Day

Oh, how I long to see her smiling back at me with those big blue eyes. Her smile could sure light up a room or anyone's bad and gloomy day. I was just looking through pictures and seeing her smile and her really silly smiles makes me smile. But also makes me miss her even more. I wish I could share every picture we have of her with everyone but I think I will share a few.

We have a new skylight in our bathroom now. The other day Tanner was going potty and I siad something to him about how pretty the sky was with the new skylight. He then asked if Lindsay could see in our new skylight and I told him she sure could. He then became silly and asked if she could see his new spiderman underwear. That made me smile and say yes she could and then we both laughed. Tanner makes me smile when he remembers Windsay and all the fun things they did together. I know that when he talks about her sometimes he gets a big smile on his face. So when you are having a sad and gloomy day just look at these pictures of Lindsay because I know she will bring a smile to your face. I can just see her on Jesus's lap smiling at him and making him smile as well!!!

Weeping At Night But Joy Comes In The Morning

That's how I was feeling last night was very weepy. Wondering why God had to take her from us and what did we do that she had to go to heaven. I was wanting to hold her close, see her smile, hear her say Daddy and Mommy, let Tanner play with her, and the list goes on. But then I had to stop and remember that God took her for a reason. I sure wish we would knew sometimes why but we just have to trust Him. Then this morning I woke up and felt a little more joy in remembering all the happy times we had and that makes me smile. I have put some pictures of Lindsay by the kitchen sink so that every time I wash dishes I can see her smiling back at me. She is missed so much in our house and we love her and miss her more each and every day.

We got this card today and I want to share it with you.

As you go through this.....

Difficult things can cause us to ask,

"Why did this happen?"

we never need to ask,

"How could He let this happen?"

God may reveal

all His reasons to us,

but He has revealed

His character to us.

His character assures us that

He never makes mistakes,

is never uncaring,

and that He never separates Himself

from our need.

The need you face is great,

but the grace that is yours

in Christ is even greater.

May your heart and your faith

stay fixed upon Him

as you go through this difficulty.

Be assured that He is holding your hand and will NEVER let it go!!

I was so encouraged after reading this card. How fitting this was to get after last night. Thank you Aunt Connie and Uncle Bob Wood for this card!! Thank you Lord for never letting go of our hands!!

LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN

Thank you for praying for Jon, Laura and Tanner as they went through the first of many diffiuclt "special" days. While it was a very emotional time for all of us, the kids were strong and I know that God's grace is what helped them to get through Lindsay's first birthday.

The blog went over 44,000 hits sometime last night. We know that many of you are still checking the blog on a regular basis, but please, don't just visit, write a note to the kids. Your words of encouragement are so much needed as they walk through their time of grief.

I am humbled and happy to announce that the Board of Trustees of America's KESWICK have established a memorial fund in Lindsay's memory, and the fund will be used to refurbish our aging playground. There is a team of folks that are in the process of developing a new playground that will be dedicated in Lindsay's memory. Our Board Chairman, Howard Bateman, has named the new playground, LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN.

If you would like to make a donation to the project, make your check payable to AMERICA'S KESWICK and designate it for the playground. You can send your check to:

America's KESWICK
601 Route 530
Whiting, NJ 08759

We will keep you posted on the progress.

Have a great day!

Happy Father's Day Daddy, Pop-Pop, Grandpa

Happy Father's Day! Today I am sure will be another hard day for us all. Lindsay's birthday was hard enough but we all got through it. We had a pizza party and then let off 13 balloons into the sky. We attached little pieces of paper to them saying that if they land in your yard to write on the blog. We sang Happy Birthday to her as they went up into heaven. I hope she was watching them fly. When we were letting them go there was some clearing in the sky where you could see some blue. So I think she was wacthing all the pretty balloons.

Jon, Thanks for being the best Daddy to Tanner and Lindsay. They love you more than you know and look up to you. God has given them to us and I am so glad he chose you and I to be there parents. Always remember that even though Lindsay is in heaven that she will always be Daddy's little girl and your Lindsay bear.

Dad W, Thanks for being the best Pop-Pop to Tanner, Lindsay, Emma, Ethan, Sam, they could ever have. They all love you and adore you. We are all thankful that God has given them such a great Pop. Thanks for all you do for all of us by loving and supporting us. Thanks also for being the best Dad to the rest of us.

Dad G, Thanks for being the best Grandpa to Tanner, Lindsay, Ariel, Isaac. They love and adore you more than you know. We are thankful that God has given them a Grandpa like you. Thanks for being such a great Dad to all the boys and to us girls. Thanks for all your wisdom and for all your love in supporting us all.

Just think what a day Lindsay is having with our heavenly Father. And she is getting to spend Father's Day with all our Grandpa's in heaven.

Happy Birthday Lindsay Bear

Well the sun is shining here in New Hampshire. I so wish that Lindsay were here so we could have a big party with lots of balloons and cake. But she is having a bigger party in heaven today. I again wish heaven had skylights so we could all see her party with Jesus. Just before Lindsay was born my thinking had changed that she was a boy. But when she came out and Dr. Mulder said it was a girl I didn't believe him. We were so surprised and so happy to have a little girl. She was a joy from the minute she was born. Her smile lit up a room and her bear hugs were the best and she had her daddy's blue eyes. Lindsay Bear Mommy and Daddy and Tanner miss you so much and we love you so much. We hope your birthday in heaven is really special today. We will never forget you and who you were and not a day will go by that we won't think about you. Happy Birthday Lindsay!!!

Two Years Ago Tonight

Two years ago today Jon and I were at Luverne Community Hospital settling in and getting excited about baby # 2. We were excited to see if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. I had a dream that we were having a girl but was stilling thinking that it would be a boy. Little did we know that God had already had his plan for Lindsay and her life. As I sit here and think about her it makes me miss her so much. I am wishing she was here so we could have a party for her and help her celebrate her special day. I wonder what it's like in heaven to have a birthday. I am sure she will have the best birthday she has ever had. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day as we remember her and the day she entered this world. But knowing that she left this world and woke up in the arms of Jesus is the best gift she gets on her birthday! Thanks Lord for giving us Lindsay for the 24 months we had her. Lindsay was born at 12:09 a.m. and weighing 7lbs 5oz and was 21 in long.

She's Got Her Father's Eyes

The past few days I have been thinking about Jon and Lindsay and was reminded of an old Amy Grant song, MY FATHER'S EYES. Looking at pictures of Lindsay, you can't help but notice that she has her Daddy's eyes!

Jon of all the Dad's God could have given Lindsay, he chose the best when he chose YOU! He knew she'd need a special Daddy, and He gave her one that Lindsay could look at because you have your Heavenly Father's eyes!

I have found myself humming through Amy Grant's song, My Father's Eyes

I may not be every mother's
dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind
of everyone in the world.

But that's all right,

as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life,
I want to hear them say,
She's got her father's eyes,
Her father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things,
When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help,
When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,
My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay

for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone.
And when you're called to stand and
tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be,

She had her father's eyes, Her father's eyes;
Eyes that found the good in things,
When good was not around;
Eyes that found the source of help,
When help would not be found;
Eyes full of compassion,

Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through,

And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

When Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of heaven and opened them in heaven, looking into the face of Jesus, I think she just might of said, "I know you! You've got my Father's eyes!" We love you, Jon.

If Heaven Had Skylights

I was sitting at the computer the other day thinking about Lindsay and missing her. I then began wishing that heaven had a skylight so that I could look up and see what she is doing. Or simply hear her talk to me and how she has grown. I am sure she is having a great time playing and meeting new friends her age. I bet all our grandparents are taking care of her and telling her stories. We miss Lindsay so much and look forward to one day having Jesus putting her back into our arms. I miss her hugs, her smile, her laughter, and everything about her. Mrs. Jager has told us to always keep Lindsay's memory alive and always talk about her in the present not in the past. I have been trying to do that every time I talk about her. God has been showing us how her little life is changing people and that is exciting to see. To know that our baby girl has touched so many lives and she is still doing that is amazing. Dad W told me the other day that Lindsay's book is still being written.
So if heaven had skylights I hope she is watching us and smiling. Lindsay, Mommy misses you more than you know and I love you so much!

Lindsay Keeps Speaking

I thought you'd be encouraged to hear how Lindsay's life keeps speaking volumes:

Dear Bill,
I was asked to write an article for the TCF newsletter for Redlands about my feelings as I walked through Lindsay's illness and ultimate death with you.

The article will be sent to about 250 Christian, Jewish, and non-Christian bereaved families as well as area professionals. I wanted to share this article with you. I hope you like it.

PLEASE, DON'T LET IT BE WASTED

I remember the moment vividly. We were driving toward Kansas when my cell phone rang. It was Bill, the Executive Director of America’s Keswick where we spend our summers. On April 7 his 22 month old granddaughter Lindsay had undergone open heart surgery. I had just read on her blog that morning that she was doing much better and had even taken a short ride in a hospital wagon. However, as I heard Bill’s voice, I knew something was terribly wrong. Bill explained that Lindsay had experienced cardiac arrest just shortly before he called on April 15. The medical staff was able to revive her, but, of course, the situation was critical. For the next month, the family experienced the typical roller coaster that many of us have gone through. One day Lindsay was showing improvement, the next moment Lindsay would have a set back and her condition was dire. On May 16 Lindsay went to Heaven with her family present. Her pain was over, but her family’s forever pain was just beginning.

Have you noticed how detailed my report is? I sound like a bereaved parent, don’t I? Well, of course, you know that I am a bereaved parent, and I felt like a bereaved parent as we walked through this difficult journey with Bill’s family. I remember the dates of the significant events just as her family would.

Mostly, I remembered…. I remembered the shock, the pain, the prayers, the confusion, and the frustration of the roller coaster…all of the emotions that a bereaved parent goes through.

I also remember my prayer, Dear Lord, Please don’t let Lindsay die. I know the pain, and I know the journey the family will have to walk. Father, I don’t think I can handle the pain I will see in the family’s eyes.

Does that sound like a selfish prayer? Perhaps it was, but I have been there. I know the journey the family will walk through. Oh, how I wish I didn’t know. I describe someone who has experienced the loss of a family member as one who has lost their innocence. I don’t want any of my friends to qualify for that description.

As my three children died, I prayed the same prayer each time, Don’t let this be wasted. I have had a chance to talk with some of Lindsay’s family and to share my books with them. My boys will be remembered as I share my story and what I have learned along the way. Their lives have not been wasted.

While I never want anyone to experience the pain of losing a child, I am grateful that I can be available to take their hand and say,

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE STEP,
THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO DO TODAY.

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE LITTLE STEP
BY REACHING OUT YOUR HAND TO SOMEONE ELSE.

SOME OF US HAVE WALKED THIS PATH BEFORE YOU,
IT’S A ROUGH PATH, A VERY, VERY TOUGH PATH,
BUT WE CAN MAKE IT.

HANG ON TO ME AND I’LL HANG ON TO YOU.
WE MAY STUMBLE, WE MAY EVEN FALL.

BUT WE’LL GET UP AGAIN,
AND WE’LL START WITH JUST ONE STEP,
YOUR HANDS LINKED WITH MINE.

WE’LL MAKE IT. YES, WE CAN MAKE IT.
ALL OF US TOGETHER,
JUST ONE STEP AT A TIME.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, By Marilyn Willett Heavilin, July, 1995
This article was written in memory of Lindsay Alice Groen, June 14, 2006 to May 16, 2008

Lindsay's Legacy Continues ...

Yesterday we had our monthly hymnsing at America's KESWICK with 560 attendees. I had the opportunity to share Lindsay's story with them at the end of the session, and afterwards 12 senior citizens prayed to receive Christ as their Savior.

I cannot even remember how many people came up to me to share how they had been praying for Lindsay and the kids.

Robert and Joyce Hayes are a vital part of our ministry. Robert recorded a lullaby CD that all of our grands use when they go to bed. One of the precious songs they have recorded and share in their concerts is a poem written by Patty Fischer:

This Side of Heaven

This side of heaven there are some things I simply will not know
When I will ask the question, "why?" and no answer can be found.
When dreams are dashed and plans are spoiled,
And I don't understand, I'll trust in His unchanging grace
And rest within His hand.

One day I'll stand before His throne,
And worship at His feet.
That day He'll make his purpose known,
and I will be complete.
For in that moment I will know,
His plan for me was given.
Not for my brief stay here on earth,
but for my home in heaven.

For even as I'm struggling through,
Life's brutal dessert heat,
He floods me with amazing grace,
and fills my heart with peace.

This darkened side of heaven's doors
He'll fill with glorious light,
Revealing His great master plan
and there'll be no more night.
Until that day, I'll walk by faith
His purposes are best,
His love and grace have planned my life
And in that truth I'll rest.
Patty Fischer

Lindsay, we love you and miss you so much!

Update

Today is Jon's first day back to work. Please be praying for both Jon and Laura as this is a difficult day of transition.

We continue to hear stories of how Lindsay's life has impacted people. If you would like to share your story, please email it to me so that I can post it on the blog: keswickexe@akmail.org

May God bless you.

Prayer for the kids

Laura, Warren and Phyllis, attended a memorial service at Children's Hospital in Boston on Thursday night. It was a very meaningful and special service.

Today there is a group of folks from Dover Baptist coming over to help Jon with work outside of their house. We are so grateful for the love, support and care that the folks from Dover have provided to the kids.

Please pray for Laura as she was having a very difficult time last night. While we know that this is a part of the grieving process, the reality of Lindsay being in heaven is sinking in. I know that your prayers and notes of encouragement will mean so much right now.

Can you believe that the blog has gone over 41,000+ hits. Wow.

Memorial Service Video

Here is the link to view Lindsay's Memorial Service. We appreciate Dover Baptist Church for making this available for our "Blog Family!"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1640945491895702578&hl=en

Don't Stop Writing

I was amazed and pleased this morning to see that the blog is fast approaching 40,000 hits! I don't know why I am so amazed, but I is so humbling for us to see how you are still standing with Laura, Jon, and Tanner.

Some of you have walked through the valley of grief and can give testimony to the fact that God saw you THROUGH the preparations, viewing, funeral, and the aftermath of activities related to the "funeral" process. God's sustaining grace has certainly been a reality for all of us.

And God WILL be faithful to see the kids through this next phase. Often He uses His people to help come alongside of grieving families to encourage and lift up.

The kids took a few days to get away -- just the three of them. They are trying to adapt to a new "normal." Normal is going to look very different for months to come.

I want to encourage you today -- send a word of encouragement to Jon, Laura and Tanner today. As one grief writer said, "It's after the flowers are gone that we need each other!"

Thanks for being an encourager!

A Testimony of Impact

We are starting to hear stories of how Lindsay's life has had a impact on people's lives. As we hear them, we will put them on the blog for your encouragement.

The following article was written by the Mom of our "adopted" son, Brian Bitler. Sherry serves on the full-time staff at Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church in Bear, Delaware. Our family attended the church during the years we served at Sandy Cove Ministries.

SHORT BUT SWEET
This week, Butch and I (and Ellen and JoLynn) took turns watchingour two young grandsons from New Jersey. Their mom and dad were at Children's Hospital in Boston with their dear friends who were watching their precious 22 month old fight for her life.

From Tuesday through Friday, they sat with them, helped them care for their 3 year old son, brought food, read encouragement from the Word, shared wisdom(our daughter-in-law is a critical care heart nurse at Deborah Heart and Lung Hospital), cried with them, prayed, and prayed more.

Friday afternoon at 1 PM little Lindsay’s heartgave out, she took her last breath on earth and entered Heaven. Here at home, we went about the usual things a 3 year oldand a 5 year old do....and don't do. Each of us in the family trying to fit this unexpected visit into our schedule, privileged to be even an indirect part of ministry to this hurting family. In the evenings after the house was once again quiet, we would check the blog for the latest information on Lindsay. We would also talk on the phone with our son. We would pray.

I am amazed at how much this tiny little life has touched me - and I have never met her. I am amazed at the compassion I feel for this family- the mom I have known since she was a young girl, but haven't seen in years - the dad I have never met. They are probably 25 years old. Such a heavy burden. I am so thankful they belong to Him and have strong, Christian family to help hold them through the grief.

Worshipping on Sunday morning, totally aware that Lindsay is with Jesus; and that her parents and grandparents have a painful hole in their hearts that will never be filled until they are in Heaven with her, was heart wrenching and I could not hold the tears. Sometimes singing praises to Him also lets the pain and the lack of understanding seep out. I could feel myself intentionally and deliberately pronouncing the words of PRAISE and TRUST and ADORATION as if I could force myself to overcome the disappointment that God didn't provide a miracle for this family by verbalizing what I know is true - begging my mind to override my emotion.

We serve a sovereign God - sometimes that is a great comfort, sometimes that is very difficult to bear. But it is truth. Lam. 3:31-32 - Men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

I am thankful Lindsay's story pointed me to this verse this week. I am thankful her grandparents took the time to share her story with us in the midst of their pain. I am praying for all the lives she touched and thankful for the Kingdom building that was accomplished through her short life on earth. Someday, I will understand more.

http://www.grpc.org/announcements/RP-5-22-08.pdf

Thanks, Sherry, for sharing this testimony.

How Beautiful Heaven Must Be

I woke up last night around 1:00 AM and was having a hard time processing all the events of the past seven weeks. We had left our radio on and it was tuned to the XMradio southern gospel station, ENLIGHTEN (don't tell anyone I was listening to southern gospel.) It "just so happened" that the song being aired at that time was an old song, HOW BEAUTIFUL HEAVEN MUST BE. It really ministered to my heart in a special way.

This morning when I was having my quiet time, I was reminded that today is the anniversary of our BeBe's (Jan's Aunt) graduation to heaven several years ago. BeBe loved our kids as if they were her own grandkids. She never had the joy of meeting Lindsay. But using my sanctified imagination, I have a sneaky suspicion that she was standing in line waiting to welcome Lindsay home!

Lindsay Bear, Pop-Pop misses you so much!

We read of a place that’s called heaven,

It’s made for the pure and the free;

These truths in God’s Word He hath given,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Refrain:

How beautiful heaven must be,

Sweet home of the happy and free;

Fair heaven of rest for the weary,
How beautiful heaven must be.

In heaven no drooping nor pining,

No wishing for elsewhere to be;

God’s light is forever there shining,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Pure waters of life there are flowing,

And all who will drink may be free;

Rare jewels of splendor are glowing,

How beautiful heaven must be.

The angels so sweetly are singing,

Up there by the beautiful sea;

Sweet chords from their gold harps are ringing,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Lindsay Bear slideshow

Here is a link to view the 25 minute slideshow that my brother Aaron whipped up for the service last night. It ran from 5:30 to 7:30, so if you were not there last night, or didn't come early.....here's the place to check it out.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8936589920461662266&hl=en

Wednesday Morning Update

Thank you for praying for Laura, Jon, and Tanner last night. The Lord gave strength, peace and comfort. The Memorial Service was a wonderful tribute to Lindsay's legacy, and most of all, the Lord received the glory!

A thrill for Laura and Jon was to have three of their nurses from Children's Boston Hospital present. (Left to right -- Auntie Moira (Meow), Lauren, Joanna). We are so thankful for the loving care that they provided not only to Lindsay, but also to Jon, Laura, Tanner, Warren & Phyllis, and Jan.

We also want to thank the many ladies from MOPS who have supported Laura and the family with cookies, goodies, and most all, lots of hugs. Laura is going to need you all now more than ever! Keep lovin' her.

Watch the blog for information as to when the DVD/CD of the memorial service will be available. We will also be posting the power point presentation that was prepared by Jon's brother, Aaron. Great job, Aaron!

Over 140 people were watching the simulcast last night. Thanks to Dover Baptist Church for providing this service as well as taking care of the e-giving, food, providing the facility for our use. Thanks, Pastor Ken and Cindy, for all you have done for our kids.

It was good to meet so many of our "blogger" family last night. God used Lindsay to create a special family that have rejoiced when we rejoiced and have wept with us as we have wepts. Your prayers and encouragement have been a huge blessing to us.

We will be keeping the blog open so that our family can post entries from time to time. I am checking on how you can receive email notification when a new entry is made on the blog.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for taking this journey with us. In closing, here is the poem that our daughter, Julie, read last night. The original poem was written by Jan's Mom who lost a little girl. The kids adapted the poem for Lindsay:

Lord, we gave our little girl to Thee

before she breathed a breath

But e’re she came into the world

she soon bowed her head in death

And though we know not why Lord,

we know it’s in your plan.

And someday in the glory,

we’ll know and understand.
For she belonged to you Lord,

right from the very start,

And when you took her from us,

it nearly broke our heart.

And Lord it wasn’t easy

as the tears flowed down our face

And yet we felt Thy Presence

and Thy overflowing GRACE.

The hours, as they dragged along,

seemed endless it is true,

And still in spite of all the pain

we knew you’d see us through.

We knew because You promised

and You’re faithful to Your Word

And lots of folks were praying

and we knew that You had heard.
How folks can live without YOU,

Lord, is a mystery,

They’ll trust in almost anything

instead of faith in THEE.

They’ll trust in their religion

or in anything man made

When all they need is Jesus

who died their soul to save.
So thank you Lord for courage,

for strength and grace from Thee

And help us keep on trusting

till someday HER face we see.

God bless you.

Tuesday Morning Update

Thank you again for the outpouring of love and support that have been shown to Laura, Jon and Tanner. Tonight is the memorial service for Lindsay Bear and I know that the kids will appreciate your prayers.

Thanks to the folks at Dover Baptist Church, you will be able to listen to the service tonight by visiting this website: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/lindsaybear The service will begin approximately at 7:30 PM.

We will try and put a link for the service on the blog for those of you that can't get hear it through the church link, and can send you a CD upon request.

I would also encourage you to listen to today's SONGTIME broadcast with Dr. John DeBrine. He gave us an opportunity to share some of the things we have learned through this experience:

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Songtime/archives.asp?bcd=5/20/2008

Keep your blogs coming! They are encouraging the kids and all of the family. We love you.

Sunday Update

We appreciate the outpouring of love, encouragement, and prayers that have been extended to the kids. Several folks have emailed to ask how you can minister to the kids. Here are several suggestions:

1. If you'd like to send a card to Laura, Jon and Tanner, here is their address.

1226 First Crown Point Road
Strafford, NH 03884

2. One of our friends suggested that people still buy bracelets ($5.00) as a reminder to pray for the kids. She said she turned her bracelet inside out and just have the pink side showing. For those of you that have gone through grief, you know that it is after the services and flowers are gone, that it is the hardest.

3. Send Tanner a card. I know that he is going to really miss Lindsay.

Later on today we will post directions to the church. I am also going to see if the church will record the service so that we can put the audio on the blog for those of you that would be interested.

I know that each night the kids are reading through the blog entries. Thank you for doing that.

Lindsay's Memorial Service

Thank you for your continued prayers for Laura, Jon and Tanner. God's grace IS sufficient and He is giving them His peace and comfort.

The service for Lindsay will be as follows:

Tuesday, May 2o, 2008 at Dover Baptist Church

5:30-7:30 PM -- Visitation for family and friends
7:30 PM -- Memorial Service
Interment will be private at a later date.

Dover Baptist is located at 151 Washington Street, Dover, New Hampshire
You can sign onto the church website for directions: doverbaptistchurch.org

In lieu of flowers, you can send Memorial Gifts to the Lindsay Groen Memorial Fund through Dover Baptist Church.

If you cannot attend the service, you can leave a message on the blog. The kids are reading every message.

She Has Fought A Good Fight and Has Won The Race

2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith ..."
At 1:00 PM, Lindsay "Bear" Groen closed her eyes on this side of heaven and opened them in the presence of Jesus. She now has a brand new heart -- one better than any Berlin Heart or transplant could ever give her.

The entire family had the opportunity to be with Laura, Jon and Tanner as she slipped into eternity.

We want to thank the hundreds of thousands of the new family that Lindsay brought together because of her time at Children's Hospital Boston. The outpouring of love, prayers, cards, gifts, and encouragement has been overwhelming.

We also want to thank the doctor's, nurses, and technicians, for the amazing care that they provided to Lindsay and our family. We are most grateful for their love and compassion even up until her very last breath.

Please watch the blog for details and where to direct any Memorial Gifts. I know that the kids would love to hear from you, so don't stop blogging.

Friday Morning

Lindsay did not have a good night. Her condition from what the nurses have said has turned in the wrong direction. Dr. Mayer was called in the middle of the night and the attending physician called to talk with Laura and Jon. There are blood pressure, breathing and output issues.

The big question now is the next step. My guess is that there will be much discussion as to whether or not they will be able to proceed with the surgery.

Year's ago, Jan's Mom wrote a daily devotional. Laura had the devotion opened to today's reading: GOD IS MY ROCK ... Mom Toms wrote: "God is my ROCK. Praise be to MY ROCK. He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. He is my mighty ROCK, my refuge. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, HE set my feet on a ROCK and gave me a firm foundation ... All these precious verses, and there are lots more, that tell me that my God is a sure foundation. My feet are standing on the Rock of my salvation not any longer on the mud and mire of my sin. He picked me up and set me firmly in HIM. Since my house is on a foundation of ROCK, it matters not what winds and waves blow on it, it WILL NOT FALL. I am secure, safe, protected, and above all, LOVED. Praise the Lord!"

Please pray that God's WILL will prevail today. Pray for Laura, Jon and Tanner as they face this new day of trusting Him for Lindsay's life.

Thursday Evening Update

Urgent Prayer Request

Dr. Mayer has scheduled surgery for 1:00 PM tomorrow afternoon pending no complications tonight and several equipment pieces that need to arrive by tomorrow. This will be open heart surgery and obviously has major risks.

Lindsay has been very stable throughout the day and has rested comfortably. Please pray for Heather as she cares for her tonight, and that nurse Auntie Moira will get a good night rest for tomorrow.

Please pray that Laura, Jon and Tanner will have a good night of rest as well as an infusion of Philippians 4:6-8 "peace" and Duet. 31:8 trust.

Laura just shared with me the passage that the Lord gave her today: John 4:46-54 "And there was a certain royal official whose son lay sick at Capernaum. 47 When this man heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death. 48 "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe." 49 The royal official said, "Sir, come down before my child dies." 50 Jesus replied, "You may go. Your son will live." The man took Jesus at his word and departed. 51 While he was still on the way, his servants met him with the news that his boy was living. 52 When he inquired as to the time when his son got better, they said to him, "The fever left him yesterday at the seventh hour." 53 Then the father realized that this was the exact time at which Jesus had said to him, "Your son will live." So he and all his household believed. 54 This was the second miraculous sign that Jesus performed, having come from Judea to Galilee." By the way -- Laura looked at the foot note and the seventh hour is 1:00 PM!!!

Again we thank you for your prayers and for your partnership.

Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.
Refrain
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.

Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

Mid-morning update

Thanks for praying and writing on the blog. The encouragement is needed and helpful.

The good news is that they had to insert a new pic line which resolved the bleeding issues in the left hand. The new line is in her right hand and went in very smoothly.

Moira was pleased that she urinated this morning. Her blood pressures seem to have come under control. The chest xray showed improvement as well.

The Berlin Heart and devices have arrived. That is a huge answer to prayer.
Right now the team has begun their assessments. Pray for wisdom.

Moira shared very openly with Laura that they are reaching a point with some of the meds where there is no further place to go. The medication to control the heart rhythms is at the max point. She shared that if Lindsay were not a Children's Hospital Boston, the medical profession would have probably recommended giving up. We are thankful that God has led us here.

The Lord has reminded me over and over again this morning that Lindsay's life is in HIS hands. While He is using the doctors and nurses as HIS instruments, ultimately Lindsay can't be in a better place. The God who created her in Laura's womb is the God who is giving her breath today.


Under His wings I am safely abiding,
Though the night deepens and tempests are wild,
Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me,
He has redeemed me, and I am His child.

Refrain
Under His wings, under His wings,
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings my soul shall abide,
Safely abide forever.

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!
How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!
Often when earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort, and there I am blessed.

Under His wings, oh, what precious enjoyment!
There will I hide till life’s trials are o’er;
Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me,
Resting in Jesus, I’m safe evermore.

Thursday morning update

Good morning, prayer partners. Auntie Moira reported that Lindsay had a very hard night. She had some issues with heart rythmns and blood pressure that were a great concern. She is stable this morning, but Moira said, "It's time for the Berlin Heart!"

Today is a critical day in terms of the assessment of whether or not they will the procedure. We are asking our thousands of prayer partners, comprised of family and friends from all over the world, to join us in praying that God would allow us to move forward.

Please pray for peace for Laura and Jon today. I know that today is one of those days when your comments on the blog will be most appreciated.

Thanks for partnering with us at the throne of grace ...

Wednesday Night Update

Tomorrow will be a very important day as the transplant team will be meeting to assess if they are able to proceed with the Berlin Heart. Depending on the assessment, it could happen as early as Friday.

Tonight they are putting her on the larger ventilator to get the lungs functioning better.

Please pray that the Lord will flood Laura and Jon's heart and minds with peace tonight. I can't even begin to fathom how difficult the weight of the decisions must be for them. Please pray that we will be able to move forward with the Berlin heart.

Praise the Lord that Warren and Phyllis made it home safely and were able to get to the hospital tonight.

We thank the Lord often throughout the day for the thousands of people now around the globe who are praying along with us.

Please pray for Dr.'s Mayer, Emani, Brown, Lawson and Dr. John (not sure of his last name) and for the ECMO nurses as well as the nurses who provide care for Lindsay around the clock. We are glad that Auntie Moira (Meow) is on duty tomorrow and Friday.

Wednesday afternoon update

Dr Mayer was just in and updated us. Lindsay's lungs are a wee bit better and the infection is under control (not gone). He is still very concerned about the kidneys. She had her 2nd treatment of dialysis through the Ecmo circuit and handled it well. He explained the frustrations of not having an idea as to when the drivers for the Berlin heart will be available.

Her CVP numbers are now down, but need to come up a little. Pray that the people working on these problems will have guidance from the Lord so that the numbers will be right where they need to be.

Continue to pray for the lungs, infection, kidneys and drivers. Pray that the Lord will do what He wants for Lindsay in His time, not ours. He knows the tomorrows and when and what needs to be here. Continue to pray for clarity for Dr Mayer and all his team as they sort through what to do next.

Dr Mayer said that Lindsay was the longest child on Ecmo in this hospital. She is making medical history and perhaps helping other children in the future. God is awesome and we PRAISE HIM for He is good. Thanks for all your prayers. We love you all.

Wednesday Morning Update

Good morning. Lindsay had a peaceful night. Dr. Emani has asked us to specifically pray for her kidneys and that the Berlin VAD would arrive. The heart is here, but we need to have the two machines arrive. Thanks for your ongoing prayers.

Tuesday Evening

God blessed Laura, Jon and Tanner with a wonderful day for Lindsay. What a turn around since yesterday afternoon!

Her CVP numbers continued to improve. Her urine output was good. She was very responsive today with eyes open at times and hands and feet moving!!! At one point Jon walked away and she lifted up her hand.

They did dialysis for 16 minutes today which was a big asset to her kidneys. They will do it again tomorrow for 20 minutes. It is hooked up through Miss ECMO!

The bottom line is that her doctors and nurses were very pleased with her progress today. Praise the Lord for HIS goodness and for what HE is accomplishing in Lindsay's life. This is only traceable to HIS hand of blessing and healing of Lindsay's body.

It was good to have Brian, Donna, Jesslyn and Julia Bitler here today. They were a big encouragement to the kids. We also had the joy of seeing long-time family friend, Chuck Heidel, who served with us at Sandy Cove.

PS -- A special thanks to Lindsay's nurse Stacey, and the ECMO nurse, Melissa! They were a HUGE help to Lindsay. (For our Keswick family, Stacey looks like Kim Murawski and talks like Marilyn Jalinski!!!)

We appreciate your prayers! Pray for Grandpa (Warren) and Grama (Phyllis) Groen as they drive back tonight from Missouri.

Tuesday Afternoon Update

Lindsay is having a good day. Good output. Much more responsive with open eyes and moving her hands. She is taking some breaths on her own which is good.

Dr. Emani asked you to continue to pray about the infections, the lungs and kidneys, and for all those things to be functioning properly.

Dr. Emani also expressed his appreciation for the number of encouragement cards sent to him! Way to go.

It sounds like the hospital staff don't receive notes and cards. Would you add Heather and Moira (nurses) to your list? You can send their notes to Children's Hospital Boston -- CICU 8th Floor South.

Thanks for your encouragement! This is really cool!

Good morning from Children's Hospital Boston

Well Zach and I arrived at 3:00 AM and it is good to be here writing to you from Lindsay's room. So much has happened since we jumped in the car to head to Boston.

First of all, thank you for praying!!! God is at work, and we are excited this morning to see what this new day holds.

The CT Scan showed that everything neurologically is fine! Praise the Lord. Her CVP's have been stable, hovering around 9.

The Chief of Cardiology called Jon last night to tell him that Dr. Mayer was not in favor of doing surgery today, and wants to try and insert an additional cannula some time today.

The one doctor who popped in this morning said that while we don't know the plan for today, she is in a much better way this morning than she has been!!!

This morning devotional reading from DAILY LIGHT (just Scripture) was filled with messages of hope. I will not list all the references, but included the link ...

Pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath or doubting ... Then you shall cry, and He will say, "Here I am!" Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to Him must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder to them that diligently seek Him. Let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind ... He my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is OVERWHELMED; lead me to the rock that is higher than I ... He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. When I am weak, then I am strong ... O you of little faith, why did you doubt? If you faint in the day of adveristy your strength is small. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. The eternal God IS your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. Be strengthened will all might, according to HIS glorious power."
http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/devotions/daily.light/ -- Check it out!

Special Update

Well here is your prayer assignment for tonight. Surgery is tentatively scheduled for 1:00 PM tomorrow. HOWEVER -- The kids and Jan asked the Lord for a clear direction if God was up to something different.

The reason for the surgery is that Lindsay's CVP numbers have been very high. This is why they want to get in and relieve the pressures. However, the numbers have been dropping significantly tonight and if they get down from 11 to 3-5 ... no surgery!!!

Now I think you know how to pray???

I will keep you posted.

Monday afternoon Update

I am going to do my best to explain what is happening, if I missed something or got it out of sequence, I will get Jon to revise it.

My guess is that Lindsay's condition is a bit baffling to the medical team. There are issues with the kidneys, liver and lungs.

What they are suggesting is to do another open heart surgery in the next two days to remove the cannulas from the groin and reopen the chest so that they can further decompress her heart. While they are in there, they would clean out the chest and check for infection and any pockets of fluid, and possibly replace the mitral valve. All of this is very risky and they have no guarentee that she would survive the surgery (humanly speaking) because of all the risks. I am going to make an assumption based on the last surgery, that bleeding is another major risk with this surgery as well.

The Berlin Heart pump is there, but they need two drivers in place to make that happen. They do not come from Germany, but would need to be there in order to proceed with doing the Berlin Heart.

They are going to do a CT Scan to see if there is any concerns neurologically, and also another Echo cardiogram to see what is going on with her heart. I cannot imagine the tremendous weight on Jon and Laura's shoulders right now in making the decision to sign off on this surgery.

I think I can safely say for all of us that we are trusting the Lord for HIS plan and purpose for Lindsay's life. It doesn't take the hurt away. We don't necessarily understand why, but we can say "blessed be the name of the Lord." We know that whether by life or Lindsay's going home to be with Jesus with her NEW heart, He will be glorified.

Words cannot adquately express how proud the Groen's and Welte's are of Jon and Laura's courage and confidence in God through this trial. As family and friends, we stand with them now as they face a huge decision.

Let the kids know by writing on the blog that you are standing with them.

Monday Morning Update

Lindsay' sugar levels are still under control. She is still "peeing," and in answer to your prayers, the nurse happily reported that there was only one special "package!"

Please pray for the family meeting today which will be sometime this afternoon.

Thanks again for your prayers and blog comments. Keep praying and posting!

Sunday Night Update

God blessed Laura with a wonderful Mother's Day. Lindsay's eyes were open several times during the day!!! That was the greatest gift she could have been given.

Lindsay's blood sugars are back in the normal range! Praise the Lord. Her nurse Ann Marie asked that we specifically pray for her to urinate tonight. Last night we asked for output and not only did she urinate well ... well their were many messy diapers. The good news is that helped with the swelling in the stomach and showed that other parts of her body are working! You go ... Lindsay.

Tomorrow a family meeting has been scheduled with all the doctors. Pray that God will lead and guide the team. We are grateful the Lord gave Lindsay another day!

Have a good night.

Happy Mommy's Day to all

I wanted to send along my wishes for all of our praying Mom's out there today (along with the many praying Dad's) on this Mother's Day. Phyllis (Jon's mom), we miss you and pray that you have a good day spending time with your other children and grandbabies. Thanks for your many prayers and blogs for Lindsay and the entire family. We love you all. God IS, has been, and will be so good to us.
Lindsay did well overnight with her output. PopPop put it so nicely, but Granny and Mommy were so glad that she "pooped" last night. I have never been so glad to hear that news. Her sugars are still high and the chest xray doesn't seem to be any better. We are praising God, though, for the small things.
Praise the Lord for great moms. I had a great and godly mom and mother-in-law who both taught me the love of God and to love His Word. What strength and comfort we have gotten from God's Word, not just in our own devotions and reading but from what you all have been writing on the blogs. Keep it coming. We look forward to hearing from you and what God is teaching you. Below is a poem my mom wrote many years ago when my brother, sister and I were young. Thanks, mom, for your love for us and God. You left us a great legacy and it is being passed on. Love to all, Jan/Granny
MOTHER, I'M HOME
Every afternoon about a quarter to four, the peace and quiet ends with the slamming of the door. And then I hear familiar words in the same familiar tone, "Mother, Oh Mother, Hey Mom, I'm home."
It's "Mother, I got an "A" in Math, and was Mrs. Green a grouch. Hey, can I have a bite to eat." As the coat gets thrown on the couch.
Then there's "Where's my shirt or where's my shoes?" And I just shake my head. "There wherever you last put them before you went to bed.
But the day will come when they'll be gone and have children of their own. To hear the same familiar words,"Mother, Hey Mom, I'm home."
And to me the words will be memories, but one day when God calls His own, I KNOW I will hear my children calling, "Mother, Mother I'm home."
For God gave me the privilege of telling my children the way, and hearing them ask Him to save them and wash all their sins away.
So since each of them KNOW the Master, if first He should call me home, One by one I'll wait for their voices, calling, "Mother, Hey mom, I'm HOME."
Happy Mother's Day, mom, I miss you.

Sunday Morning

Good morning. Lindsay had a very peaceful night
and apparently had a better night with her "output." Her sugarh are still high, so pray that they will be able to get them under control.

I was up a good bit of the night praying for Laura, Jon and the kids last night, and thought maybe you'd all like to see the whole family. Thousands of you have seen the pictures of Lindsay, but now you have a picture of Jon, Laura and Tanner.

Today is Mother's Day and I wanted to tell Laura how much I love her and how proud we are of her. It is hard to believe that this year she will be 30! Where does the time go? We have watched her grow into a woman who loves the Lord and loves her family. She is a woman who is trusting God and who is not afraid to go to the Lord with boldness and confidence. Laura, I know that Nan in particular, would be so proud of your walk with God. I know that is a direct answer to her prayer for all of her grandkids.

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates." Proverbs 30:30-31

Laura, today is your day, baby! You are a woman who fears the Lord, and your family is the evidence of how God is using you to bring glory to Him. We love you.

I would also like to tell Jan and Phyllis -- Happy Mother's Day. Our kids are what they are because of the examples of godly living that has been modeled for them by both of you. "Your children rise up and bless both of you, and your husbands also, and we praise you, saying, 'Many daughters have done nobly, but Phyllis and Jan, you excell them all." (Proverbs 30:28-29)

Peace

Laura, Tanner and I would like to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. Your prayers and notes of encouragement have been a big blessing the last few weeks. We have really enjoyed reading cards, letters and the comments here on the blog. We are so grateful for our huge network of family, friends and many who we don't even know but hope to meeet some day- who are interceding on our and Lindsay's behalf.
The power of prayer is amazing, we can attest to this! Laura and I have felt the peace and comfort of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis. Peace that surpasses all comprehension, and a comfort that could only come from the One who created us and loves us more than we love our own precious children. We place Lindsay before God every day and trust him to do what he knows is best. We boldly ask him to heal Lindsay and restore her little body to health, but pray that His will be done, and that He continue to be our refuge and strength, the everlasting arms beneath the entire family.
We covet your continued prayer for Lindsay bear, that His will be done and that He will be glorified through her
Daddy's heart aches for you Lindsay -sleep tight honey bear! Daddy loves you!

Saturday Evening Update

Thank you for your prayers today. The nurses have asked that we pray that Lindsay's sugar levels will come down and that her kidneys will begin to eliminate more fluid.

Please be praying for Laura tomorrow with it being Mother's Day.

Have a blessed night.

Late Saturday Afternoon Update

The kids met with the head of the Cardiology department and he is still holding on to the premise that Lindsay is very critical, but not hopeless. There was talk about putting a stomach tube in to help with drainage from the stomach, but he was not recommending that because of the risk of infection. Should the kidneys become and issue, they could do dialysis right off of the ECMO machine. They are also still contemplating moving forward with the Berline Heart.

We asked for clarity, and God has been answering those prayers. We will keep you posted.

Saturday Noon Update

Here is the latest update:


The doctors have called for a family meeting that will take place some time in the next several hours. From what I can determine, Lindsay's situation continues to deteriorate will new complications. The doctors and nurses are really scrambling to figure out what to do ... they are all emotionally wrapped up in Lindsay's life. Her heart has become theirs.

My heart has been torn as well as your -- God please heal her! I don't know the mind of God for Lindsay. I know what I want -- I want to have her on my lap right now so that I can do "this little piggy" and sing "I love you a bushel and a peck." I cannot even begin to fathom what Jon and Laura are going through right now. My heart aches for them.

I do know that I continue to cry out to God for HIS WILL. After all, He knows what it is like to give up a Son. Would you please join us in praying for GOD'S WILL for Lindsay's life, for wisdom for the doctors and nurses, and the peace, comfort and strength for Jon and Laura.

Our ride has been a roller coaster. But you have stood with us in with your prayers and tears. And we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Saturday Morning

Praise the Lord that Lindsay had a stable night. Today His mercies are NEW -- Great is HIS faithfulness.

We are grateful for your encouragement and prayers.

Friday Evening Update

There has been a lot of activity this afternoon to bring stability to Lindsay's situation. The assessment given is that what she is experiencing is a result on 25+ of being on the ECMO machine. There is still no definitive word on the infection, however they are giving her nebulizer treatments and antibiotics to treat the lungs.

Tonight Lindsay's output was improving and that was encouraging. All three doctors have assured the kids that they will do everything the can. All three have indicated that there is still HOPE.

Dr. Brown shared with the family that your cards are arriving, and that they are a huge encouragement!!! Thanks for writing to Dr Mayer, Dr. Emani and Dr. Brown. If you haven't, you can still do so by writing to them at:
Children's Hospital Boston
300 Longwood Avenue
Boston, MA 02115.

I would also like to encourage you to write to Lindsay's nurse, Heather. I don't know her last name but you can send it to the CICU 8 East.

Thanks for partnering with us.

Friday Afternoon Update

Knowing that hundreds of you are checking the blog on a regular basis throughout the day, I wanted to write and give you some additional information.

Please pray for clarity and an understanding of what is really taking place in Lindsay's body. There seems to be some confusion about the infection, what kind it is, it's location, and the next steps. Her "output" has slowed done and her lungs are obviously a concern. The kids have an meeting this afternoon with the head of the Cardiology Department. Hopefully we will get some more definitive information at that time.

They are trying to adjust medications where possible and are backing down the paralytic since she has not "awake-awake" in two days.

Laura shared that Jon cried this morning and said, "I just want to pick her up and hold her." Jon, I want you to know how very proud we are of you, and for the way that you had literally stood with Lindsay during the past 30+ days. Jon and I share the same "passion" for hospitals, so I probably appreciate more than anyone how stretching this has been. You are a good Daddy, Jonathan Groen.

Laura, it's hard for me to even type this without bawling. Mom and I are so proud of you and the strength that you have demonstrated not only in caring for Lindsay every day since her surgery, but being able to put aside your own grief from the miscarriage so that you can give "Bear" all of Mommy.

Warren & Phyllis have driven to and from NH just about every day to support the kids and their "Little Pink!" I know that their trip away right now is hard on them.

Jan has been there living out of a suitcase since the day of surgery. Zach and I miss her big time, but know that right now she is needed in MA to help with Tanner and Laura and Jon.

Our daughter Julie has taken on Zach's homeschooling responsibility to free Jan up. Julie, Mom and I are very proud of you ...

Well enough of the mush -- thanks to all of our family and friends who have stood by our family during these difficult days.

And most of all, thank You Lord for the way you are taking us THROUGH.

Friday Morning Update

We are at 11:59! These next several hours are going to be very critical in determining the next steps for Lindsay. She had an issue during the night with low blood pressures and it would appear that there is another infection. The lungs are a concern and we think there now may be an issue with the kidneys.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you." Isaiah 43:2

Please uphold Laura, Jon, Tanner, Jan, and Warren and Phyllis who are away.

Early Thursday Evening Update

We are urging you to continue to pray this evening for the healing of Lindsay's lung and the ability for her to urinate as much as possible. Pray that God will bring clarity and peace to Jon, Laura, Tanner and Jan as they spend these long days at Lindsay's bedside. Pray that God will bring encouragement to them in a very special way that will only be traceable back to HIM and HIM alone.

Update.....pray for output

Lindsay was doing really well in the "urine output" department earlier, but has really slowed down. Please pray that she begins to "pee" again. Very important. Nothing else new. Thanks for praying.

Thursday Noon Update

More good news. Lindsay's lungs are greatly improved!!! Her volume is up and the doctors are pleased. In fact, they are meeting to talk about putting her back on the active transplant list!!!

The was an infection that grew out in the culture, but they believe it is in the chest tube. Pray for clarity!!!

All in all -- we are thankful for this encouraging report. The Lord gave me a few nuggets from Psalm 106 this morning: Vs. 8 -- Nevertheless He saved them for the sake of HIS name that He might make HIS POWER known. -- vs. 6 Then they believed HIS words; they sang HIS praises.

Our prayer is that WHATEVER He wants to do through Lindsay's life will be for the sake of HIS name and that people would see HIS POWER!

Thanks for praying. Thanks for writing on the blog. Thanks for writing to the doctors. We are over 20,000 hits to the blog.

Wednesday Evening Update

Dr. Mayer was in and pleased with Lindsay's progress. She is still doing well on the smaller ventilator. Please continue to pray for the on-going healing on the lungs.

Laura and Jon have also asked prayer for Jon's parents who are leaving tomorrow for upstate New York and then on to Missouri. It was very hard for them to leave the hospital. Please keep Warren and Phyllis in your prayers.

Laura asked prayer for baby Elijah who is being airlifted tonight to a hospital in Mississippi. He is seven months old and weighs 7lbs. His parents have to fly out commercial and won't get home until tomorrow. Laura and Jon have been witnessing to the family.

Thanks for your prayers.

Wednesday Afternoon Update

Lindsay is now on the smaller vent. They have also given medication into her lungs to help open them up. Please pray that this will keep the lungs working properly. The infection is under control and she will continue to be on antibiotics for quite awhile. All her other organs are working well. She still needs some days of resting, adjusting levels and taking off fluids. We will keep you posted. Again, thanks for your prayers, blogs and cards. They continue to be a great source of encouragement to all or us.

Wednesday Morning Update

Good morning. I am sitting in a room with 1100 ladies who are currently attending the Spring Ladies Day at America's KESWICK with my good friend, Liz Curtis Higgs. Many of these ladies have come to tell me that they are praying for Lindsay, Laura, Jon and Tanner. What an encouragement it has been to meet prayer partners face to face!

Dr. Emani encouraged us to get word of the blog to have folks pray specifically for Lindsay's lungs! In order to proceed with the artificial heart, the lungs must be clear! Please get the word out and let's storm heaven's gates with our prayers. If he can clear up MERSA, he can clear up her lungs.

Thanks from the bottom of our hearts!