Thursday, April 7, 2011

3 Years Ago Today

3 years ago today Jon and I did one of the hardest things we never thought we would have to do. 3 years ago today we had to hand over our baby girl to a nurse who took her into surgery to have her little heart fixed. I remember that day so clearly and I have thought about it several times today. After that we began this 3 year journey that we never thought we would have to go through. These next few weeks for us will be a time to remember those days Lindsay was in the hospital, to reflect on all the little miracles she came through, and to thank the Lord for being with us each step of the way.
I have been thinking all day what I should write today. I apologize for it taking me this long to write. Life with 3 boys has been busy and fun. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I cherish each moment of every day with them. I know that if Lindsay were still here she would have loved her brothers. She would have been their little mother, and most of all their best friend. The boys would have protected her, played tractors and dolls with her, and I am sure had tea parties with her. But I know that she is watching over them all the time.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would have been like. How long her hair would have been, hearing her talk, watching her with Wyatt, hearing her call Daddy and Mommy, looking cute wearing dresses, and even watching her and Emma play together. She is missed so much in our house.

I read this today in my devotions from Streams In The Desert; Inner stillness is an absolute necessity to truly knowing God. I remember learning this during a time of great crisis in my life. My entire being seemed to throb with anxiety, and the sense of need for immediate and powerful action was overwhelming. Yet the circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could have helped would not move.
For a time it seemed as if I would fall to pieces due to my inner turmoil. Then suddenly " a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) whispered in the depths of my soul, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10). The words were spoken with power and I obeyed . I composed myself, bringing my body to complete stillness, and forced my troubled spirit into quietness. Only then, while looking up and waiting, did I know that it was God who had spoken. He was in the midst of my crisis and my helplessness, and I rested in Him.
This was an experience I would not have missed for anything. I would also say it was from the stillness that the power seemed to arise to deal with the crisis, and that very quickly brought it to a successful resolution. It was during this crisis I effectively learned that my "strength is still". (written by Hannah Whitall Smith)

WOW!!! Looking back during Lindsay's time in the hospital this is so true. This devotional sums our whole experience. God was with us each and every day and we heard his voice and felt his presence is so many amazing ways. We always would end the day by praying with Lindsay before we left the hospital. I remember praying that God would prove the doctor's wrong and that Lindsay would blow there socks off. Even though she went to heaven she still proved them wrong a number of times which only God could have done. It was fun to watch there faces when something would happen with Lindsay that they didn't think could. We would just smile and say well we know who did this and how many of you were praying for her and for them.

Lindsay Bear,
We miss you more than ever today. We hope that what ever you are doing in heaven that you are having fun. We are proud of you and how strong you were 3 years ago today. You are always in our hearts and always on our mind. Thanks for making us so proud to be your parents.

Dear Lord,
Jon and I thank you for bringing us through these 3 years. With out you who knows where we would be. Thank you for allowing us to be Lindsay parents for the short time we had with her. Give her lots and hugs and kisses for us today. We ask that you continue to be with all the doctor's and nurses on 8 south and 8 east. Continue to give them the strength and wisdom to the best of there ability. Be with all the babies and kids on the 8th floor and help them all to get better. Thank you for a beautiful day for us to remember Lindsay.

We again thank you all for praying for us. Without all of you holding us up during that time we wouldn't be where we are today. I will try and be better at updating the blog better.

My Dad also wrote yesterday so please check that out.