10 Months

Wow we are only 2 months away from Lindsay being gone a year. This just hit me this past weekend while we were in Boston. Groen Buliders had their business meeting in Boston this weekend, so on Friday afternoon we packed up and headed to Boston on Am track. We were able to take Tanner with us this weekend. He was very excited about riding the train and taking the T around Boston. Lately when talking about going away this past weekend he was thinking that we were going to the hospital. So we wanted to show him that we can go to Boston and have fun and not go to the hospital. He had a great time and was able to swim and walk around Boston.
We decided to stay an extra night in Boston before heading home on Sunday. We ended up staying in the Hyatt right by the airport. You may not think that staying there is such a big deal. But until we got up to our room did it really hit Jon and I. This is the same hotel that we stayed in the night before Lindsay's surgery. The room was set up the exact same way and the memories just hit me hard. I could picture everything that happened that night. I really wasn't sure that I could even sleep in the room because it made me so sad. I just prayed and asked God to help me to get past it and only think of happy times with Lindsay.

We are not only coming up on a year of her passing away but next month on the 7Th will be a year since her first surgery. Thinking where we were last year to where we are now is not at all what we expected. No one could have prepared us for what was to come after surgery. But through this whole time God was with us and he never has left us. He has taught us to hold on to each other and most of all to hold on to Him. We have learned that you need to take one day at a time and to enjoy each day to the fullest. I miss her everyday and think about her all the time. But one day we will be able to see those blue eyes again and see her smile that melted your heart. Until then we will hold on to her memories and the happy life that she had with us. We would like you to keep us in pray during the next 3 months. April will be her surgery dates, May will be a year of her going home to Jesus, and then in June we await the arrival of Baby Groen. I have yet to clean out her crib and get ready for the baby. I know that in time this will need to be done but I don't feel that I am ready yet. Also to keep praying for Tanner. Lately discussions have come up about going to heaven and dying. I think as he is getting older he is started to think and process Lindsay being gone more. He had to grow up fast last year and go through a hard time that most 3 and 4 year old's don't ever go through. He is really excited about the baby coming and talks and asks questions a lot. I know that he will be so happy to have someone else around to play with.

In other news; This Wednesday we will be finally putting together the Lindsay Baskets. I have decided to have our MOPS group from church help me put them together. I am very excited to get them done and soon delivered. My friend Jodi and I got together last week and put a few samples together and let me tell you they are cute. I was going to add pictures today but I will wait until after they are all done. So check back later in the week for basket pictures. I also have gotten in contact with the social worker on 8 south and we have the go ahead to bring them to the hospital. She thought this was an awesome idea and thinks that the families will love them. We don't have a date picked yet to deliver them but I am hoping maybe next month.
Jon and I also have been thinking about Lindsay's birthday coming up in June and what to do. We found out that on her birthday Children's Hospital Boston will be having a walk to raise money for the hospital. We thought this would be an awesome thing to do and a great way to celebrate her birthday. We are hoping to have a team of people join us in Boston on June 14 to walk and celebrate. I will post more info on this in the next few weeks because we will need help raising money for this event.

I just came up with a few more things to be praying about so I will list them for you;
1. All our heart baby friends
2. That the families who will receive our baskets will be blessed and that they may find Jesus.
3. That we will be able to continue to make baskets after this first round is done.
4. Baby Groen would arrive before June 14 so I can be apart of the walk :).
5. Baby Groen to continue to grow healthy inside and for a safe and healthy delivery.

We again can't thank all of you who still continue to follow our blog. The Lord has truly blessed us these past 10 months and we Thank Him everyday for allowing us to be Lindsay's parents. Lindsay Bear, We miss you so very much and we love you even more!!!

Please Pray For The Gledhill Family

We have been following and praying for Gracie Gledhill the past few weeks. This little girl got a new heart but once they put it in it wasn't working. She was placed on ECMO and as of this morning they were going to unhook her machine's. Her story hit home to us because even though Lindsay never got her new heart here on earth this little girl went through all the same things as Lindsay. Our hearts are aching for this family as they go through this difficult time. I will add her blog page here as well as on the side with our other heat baby friends. Please be praying for this family today as they let there little girl go home to Jesus.

As we have been following this blog we are in some way grateful that we didn't have to go through as much as they did. We could have been in the same boat with Lindsay getting a new heart. There is so much involved with a transplant, the rejections, the heart not working, and all the other things involved. God spared her and us from all of that and now she is happy and has a brand new heart. We couldn't ask for anything better for her. But we know the pain that this family is going through right now.

Lord, We ask that you bring peace and comfort to the Gledhill family today. Surround them with your love. Be with there other 3 kids as they walk through this time with there parents. I hope that Lindsay will welcome Gracie into heaven today and that she will take care of her and play with her. Amen

http://thegledhillfamily.blogspot.com/ You will have to copy and paste it.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is Jon's 30Th birthday and I want to wish him a very Happy Birthday! As I was pondering what to write for him I was going through some pictures of his birthday last year. The kids and I decorated with balloons and banners and made him a special dinner. The kids had so much fun playing with the balloons and waiting for Daddy to come home. Going back and watching those videos makes my heart so sad. Sad because this year we won't have Lindsay with us to help celebrate her Daddy's birthday. But I am sure she will be watching and celebrating in heaven. I am so thankful we have so many memories and special times that we as a family can go back and look at. Jon is the greatest Daddy in the world to our kids. I love to watch him play with them and even now to watch Tanner being his helper. I love listening to Tanner and Jon working in the basement together and to hear what they talk about.

Jon, I hope that your birthday today is extra special. I am so glad that God has given you to me and that for 10 years we have stuck together through some hard times. I couldn't have asked for a better Daddy for my kids. Your tender heart, big hugs, making the kids laugh, and the care that you give them is amazing. Lindsay Bear was so special to you and I know how much your arms ache for her. But I am so thankful that one day we will get to see her again. I hope that in some small way you will be able to feel her presence today and know how much she loves you. I love you so much and I thank you for being the best husband in the world!

Daddy, I love you very much and I miss you like crazy. I hope you have a fun birthday. Thanks for being the best Daddy to me and Tanner. Love, Lindsay Bear

Daddy, I hope you have a good birthday. I love you, Tanner


Here is a little video of the kids wishing Jon a Happy Birthday! (2-14-08)

Happy Anniversary to Dad and Mom Groen today!!

CHD Awareness Week

This week is CHD week. CHD stands for Congenital Heart Defects. We have come to know many babies who have been born with so many different types of heart defects. I encourage you to watch this little video and read the statics that they give. I didn't know half of them and was very surprised when I read them. Our two heart baby friends Annabelle and Lindsay Dean's pictures are in this video. We all need to be aware of these defects and pray for all these babies and kids who have it.

One of my elementary school friends Sibahan lost her baby to CHD. We have since become close and I know that she is trying to raise more of an awareness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHi7VioHGDo.

Please be in prayer for our dear friend Rebecca. Her daughter is Annabelle. Well Rebecca is expecting a baby and we are very excited for her. Please pray that God will protect this baby and that he or she will have a healthy heart.

One last thing is we want to wish my sister in law Jenny a very Happy Birthday today. We love you lots Jenny and we thank you for all your prayers and support you have given to us. Thanks so much for all the hard work you did on putting the special books together from the blog.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Groen

Today is Dad Groen' s birthday and we want to wish him a very Happy Birthday! Dad has a special name that he gave to Lindsay after she was born. He would call her the Little Pinkster. The reason for this special name is because her skin when she was little was so pink.

We love you Dad/ Grandpa and we hope your day is extra special. Thanks for all you have done for all of us. Thanks for supporting us and for all the trips you and Mom made to Boston while Lindsay was there.

Dear Grandpa,

I miss you so much but I am having a good time in Heaven with Great Grandpa and Great Grandma Groen and all our other family members. Thanks for being such a great grandpa to me and Tanner.

I love you,

Pinkster

Baby Groen's Test

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will SHOUT for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Psalm 20:4-5

This verse jumped out at me on Wednesday night while I was doing my devotions. I knew going into the test on Thursday that no matter what we found out the God was going to be victorious and he was. Everything with the test went very well. They got all the pictures they needed even though Baby Groen was a wiggle worm. After the ultrasound the doctor looked over the pictures. The hardest part of the whole test was the waiting part. He finally came back in and said that everything looked great. They didn't see anything wrong and everything was working the way it should. He told us that unfortunately this test doesn't pick up any minor problems. That if there was any of them we wouldn't know until after the baby was born and checked out. He also said that what Lindsay had was a very rare thing. He said that this baby most likely wouldn't have the same problem. We walked away feeling relieved that everything is working and no problems. Thank you all for your prayers yesterday. We really felt them all and we were very relaxed and had ton's of peace.

As I was sitting here writing this post I was thinking of Lindsay and wishing she was here so that she would be able to hold her sister or brother. This picture came into mind and I knew I had to use it. This is my nephew Ethan Houston. (sorry Jul) Lindsay loved little babies and she was aways so cute with them. She was always curious about them and she was especially with Ethan. I wish we had more pictures of her and him but we don't. We will cherish this one with all our hearts. I can picture Lindsay in heaven holding so many babies and being a little Mommy to all of them. I know she is really taking care of our 2 babies who are in heaven with her.

8 Months

Well as you can see that Dad beat me to it yesterday. I was going to write but thought I would wait until today. We hope where ever you are reading this from you are warm and cozy in your homes.

Yesterday has already come and gone but we can still sit and remember Lindsay. We had a nice day together as Jon was home all day with us. The sun was shining and the sky was beautiful just like Lindsay. We all seem to be doing well and we find ourselves back into a normal life. Although I would rather have Lindsay in our normal every day life, we are learning to keep her memory in our daily routines and in our normal lives. On Thursday night I had to go to a steering meeting at our church for our MOPS group. On my way there I found my self going back through those days at the hospital and remembering all we went through. As well as thinking and missing Lindsay a lot. After our meeting one of my friends was asking me some questions about Lindsay. I was so delighted and happy to talk about my little girl that I jumped right in. I then found myself with 2 of my other dear friends standing and talking about Lindsay being in the hospital. They shared with me a lot about what they had all gone through while Lindsay was in the hospital. They shared with me how much Lindsay had changed not only there lives but the lives of their family. As I stood there and listened to them share my heart was overjoyed. Lindsay brought one of my friends and her husband to there knees every night to pray and now they do it all the time. To hear how even there kids were involved by praying for Lindsay and how much there prayer lives have changed was such an encouragement to me. We often sit and wonder why God took her from us, or why it had to be her, or what did we do to not have her here. But then to hear stories like this kind of gives me a glimpse as to why God needed her in heaven. I am sure there are so many other stories out there about how Lindsay has changed people. If you are reading this and this journey has somehow changed you or your family or even led you to Christ, please share this with us. Over these past 8 months Jon and I are so proud to be Lindsay's parents and that God choose us. I drove home that night not feeling sad but feeling blessed that through my little girl's time in the hospital has brought people closer to Jesus and rejoicing that one day I will see her again and hold her in my arms. Psalm 16:9-11 says this; Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

We would like to ask you to remember us in pray on Jan 22 at 10:15. We will be going to have a fetal echo cardiogram done on the baby. I am glad that we will be having this done but also nervous and scared. But I know that God is going to be with us and that he already has this baby formed in his image and no matter what the results we can handle them.

We are still amazed how many people still check this blog. Who would have thought that when Dad started this that we would be over 60,000. With out people praying for us and without God by our side who knows where we would be. We love all of you very much and thank you again from the bottom of our hearts.

Lindsay~ Daddy, Mommy, Tanner miss you so much. Thanks for bringing us such joy while you were with us. We miss your smiles, giggles, laugh, and we miss seeing you everyday. We love you a bushel and a peck, a hug around the neck, a barrel and a heap, and we are talking in our sleep about you!!

Thanks Carrie, Jodi, and Michelle for sharing your hearts with me.

Happy Spiritual Birthday, Laura

First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you for the way you continue to support Laura, Jon and Tanner. Your prayers and notes of encouragement mean so much to them as well as to Warren, Phyllis, Jan and me. As of this morning, the blog went over 61,000. None of us ever dreamed that when the kids started this journey that there would be such overwhelming support that has come from around the globe.

Today is a very significant day. Today is Laura's spiritual birthday. On January 16, 1983, Laura Ruth Welte invited the Lord Jesus Christ to be her personal Lord and Savior. I won't embarrass her by telling you WHERE she was when this significant event took place, but as her Dad and Mom, we will never forget that day.

The prayer of every parent is that there kids will grow up to love the Lord and serve Him with all of their hearts. This past six months have given evidence to the fact that Laura has a deep, abiding trust and faith in her heavenly Father. The growth that we have seen in her as she has faced one of life's deepest trials, has blessed our socks off.

I couldn't help but write today as Laura's spiritual birthday coincides with Lindsay's 8th month with Jesus. Because Laura invited Jesus into her heart on on January 16, 1983, she has the wonderful assurance that someday, she will be with Jesus and Lindsay forever!

Laura, we love you and are so proud of you. Happy spiritual birthday!

PS -- Drop her a line today and wish her a happy birthday. And if you don't know what a spiritual birthday is, Laura would love to share that with you.

Here Are A Few Pictures Of Baby Groen

A side 3D picture where you can see an arm and a leg.

A 3D picture of the baby. I think he or she looks like Lindsay!


Side view with one arm strecthed out and one up in the air.




Our ultrasound went really well. The baby was moving a lot which was so neat to see. Evey thing is measuring what it should be which is also good news. The babies heart rate was 140, the baby weighs 9 ounces, and she counted all 4 chambers of the heart. Jon and Tanner were with me which was really neat. Tanner thought it was pretty neat to see the baby moving all around. In fact when she first started the baby put his or her hand in the air and waved. This brought a smile to Jon and my faces because Tanner did the same thing on the day of his ultrasound. What a joy it was to see another little life growing inside. God is truly amazing at what he does. We have one more ultrasound to go to on January 20Th. This one will be the one where they just look at the heart. So please be praying for that one with us. We know that no matter what God is in control and that he has already formed this baby the way he wanted.

We love you all!!

Happy New Year

We hope you are all enjoying the new year so far. Our family is looking forward to all the blessing God has in store for us this year. As we look back on last year we would have never guessed we would get to 2009 without Lindsay. But God knew that before she was born and here we are. We look back at all the good things that 2008 brought us. All the memories we shared together as a family, and all the hard times we have had. God was and still has been faithful to us all year and he continues to be as we start the year 2009.

We had a wonderful Christmas with our families. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in NJ with my family. We had a wonderful day and shed lots of tears. Lindsay was missed so much but I know she was watching us from heaven. We then headed back to New Hampshire Christmas night so we could have Christmas with Jon's parents and Uncle Aaron and Aunt Alyssa on Saturday.

We rang in the New Year by just staying at home and enjoying one another. We have much to be thankful for this year. As we start this year we look forward to the birth of the new baby and all of the many other blessings God will share with us. We will also still need lots of prayer and we still have some firsts to go through. But we know that with God we will get us through all of them.

I want to share this poem with you that my Grandmother wrote on January 1, 1996.

As we stand on the brink of a New Year,

Watching the old disappear.

We don't know what's in the future,

But we DO KNOW THAT GOD IS NEAR.

Let's thank Him for all the good times

And yes, for the hard times too.

For the lessons we learned through the difficult times

Made us stronger to see each day through.

Let's forget all the trials and problems,

That we faced in the previous year.

And press on by God's Grace to face the unknown,

With JOY and without any fear.

He's met every need in past years,

Exceeding, abundant, above,

More than we ever dreamed of,

Out if His heart of Love,

Let's trust Him and keep on believing,

Let Him lead each step f the way.

And follow daily the sound of His voice.

In order to serve Him each day.

Yes, another year is before us,

Like a blanket of new fallen snow.

Let's be careful just how we walk in it

For each one of our steps will show.

We love you all very much and we hope that God brings your family with lots of blessings in this New Year. Some of you may remember that while Lindsay was in the hospital we asked you to pray for a few of her friends. One of them was a little boy named Elijah. We just found out that he passed away on Nov. 29. If you could pray for the Marsh family we would greatly appreciate it and I know they would to. I am sure Lindsay was there with a smile and a hug for Elijah and I am sure she will take care of him.

Lindsay's Christmas In Heaven

I was just got done checking our heart friend's blog and she has posted this song. Let me tell you that listening to this song the tears are flowing. This song is beautiful and I hope you take the time to listen but grab some tissues.

Thanks Rebecca for sharing this song with me!

www.christianpublicityservices.com/dramatic_rose/dramatic_rose/sarahchristmas.htm

If you copy and paste it will work.

7 Months

As I sit and write our 7 month blog we have no power. We had a very bad ice storm come through our area on Thursday. We have been without power since Friday sometime. Please be praying that we will get power soon. There are tons of other people who are without and let me tell you it's not fun. Thankfully we do have a generator to give us power.

Wow 7 months have gone by and we find ourselves missing Lindsay more and more. Christmas is fast approaching and I find myself not really getting into the Christmas spirit. I try not to think about Christmas day and somehow hoping that it passes by us. I don't think that will happen and I know that in 10 days we will face this Christmas without our Lindsay Bear. We won't be alone and we will be surrounded by family who will help us get through this time. I keep thinking about the Christmas that Lindsay will get to spend in heaven. To be with Jesus on His birthday and sit at his feet. If only we could have a little window to look through to see what she is doing this Christmas morning. Lindsay will be missed very much by everyone in our family this year. I hope you take time to remember that Christmas isn't about all the decorating, the shopping, the presents, the food, or giving gifts. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and that is the real reason for the season.

Last month I was going through all the Lindsay basket stuff. I came across the pink pray for Lindsay bracelets and was wondering what we were going to do with them. So I thought about it for a few days and God laid another Lindsay on my heart and mind. Her name is Lindsay Dean and she is another heart baby that we have been keeping up on her blog. God put on my heart that we should send the bracelets to this family to help them out. So we contacted them and they were thrilled to get them. So if you still have your bracelet please remember to pray for Lindsay Dean. We have added her blog to our page. We would encourage you to keep up with her story.

The Lindsay Baskets haven't been made up yet because of everything that has been happening this month. I am hoping once January comes to make them up then and get them delivered. I put one together a few weeks ago and I got so excited to get them started.

In other Groen family news, Baby Groen is doing well. I had a doctor's appointment last week and I was able to hear the heartbeat which was very strong. I am 15 weeks now and starting to feel lots of flutters and movement. On Jan 5 we go for our first ultrasound. We won't be finding out what this little one is because we want to be surprised. Sometime the last week in Jan we will have a fetal echo cardiogram ultrasound. They don't think there is anything wrong with baby but want to check things out. I will let you know on a date.

We hope each and everyone of you has a Blessed Holiday Season with your family and friends. We love each and everyone one of you.

THANKSGIVING DAY

I would like to thank all of our families and our extend blog family for the way that you have supported Laura, Jon, and Tanner during this very difficult year. We have appreciated the notes of encouragement, but most of all, we appreciate your prayers.

For those of you who have experienced loss, you know that the "firsts" are very hard. The kids are coming into one of the toughest seasons of the year, and I know that they would appreciate your prayers.

This morning I was reminded of a song written by Dan Burgess that expresses what is on our hearts as we celebrate this Thanksgiving Day.

Thank You Lord for the trials that come my way

in that way I can grow each day as I let You lead

and thank you Lord for the patience those trials bring

in the process of growing I can learn to care

chorus

but it goes against the way I am
to put my human nature down

and let the spirit take control of all I do

cause when those trials come my human nature

shouts the things to do and

God's soft prompting can be easily ignore

verse 2

I thank you Lord with each trial I feel inside

that you're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong

cause you promised Lord that with every testing

that your way of escaping is easier to bear

verse 3

I thank you Lord for the victory that growing brings

in surrender of everything life is so worthwhile

and I thank you Lord that when everything's put in place

out in front I can see your face and it's there you belong

As of this morning, there have been over 58,000 hits to Lindsay's blog. That boggles our minds. Thank you for partnering with us on this journey.

I would love to have many of you write to Laura and Jon today. Let's encourage them on this Thanksgiving Day. Lindsay Bear -- Pop-Pop and Granny love you so very much and miss you!!!

6 Months

Today marks another month with out Lindsay Bear. We still continue to miss her tons and she is never far from our minds. We talk about her all the time and all the silly things she did. We continue to hang on to each other and to hold on to God. Before I sat down to write for this month I felt that I needed to hear from God. As I began to read my devotions for today the verses seem to jump out at me. I read in 1 Peter 4: 12-19. The first part of this verse says; Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But REJOICE that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. How true is this for all of us that even though we are missing Lindsay we are to still rejoice. Sometimes that is hard to do but we do rejoice because we know where she is and that one day we will see her again. I encourage you to read the rest of those verses. I also was reading in my grandmother's devotional that went along with these verses. She wrote this; We may go through some kinds of experiences that throw us and we wonder why God has allowed them and then suddenly we realize He was there with us all the time and gave strength to endure and even used each experience for HIS OWN GLORY. Realizing this can bring us overwhelming JOY. Amen!! We still continue to hear from people that have been touched by Lindsay's life. I was sitting and thinking about Lindsay the other day and was wondering if she misses us. I am sure she does but she knows that one day we will see her again. I often wonder what her days are like in heaven and what fun things she is doing. I am sure she is having the time of her life and is being taken care of very well.

In other news, the Lindsay Baskets haven't been put together yet. We are waiting on a few more things to go in them. We have collected a lot of stuff for them and I can't wait to put them together. Thanks to all of you who have helped out in some way. We are truly greatful for you willingness to help with this project. My Dad has just produced his first solo piano Cd and has dedicated it to Lindsay. Thanks Dad!! We also want to thank my cousin Megan and Richie for there help with the Lindsay Bear playground at Keswick.
One more thing I wanted to mention is Lindsay's baby brother or sister. I had a doctor's appointment last week and I was able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. Since I was only 10 weeks my doctor didn't think he would be able to hear it but the Lord made that happen. So far everything seems to be going well. Please keep praying for this little one inside. We can still use some pray as the coming holidays fall upon us. I am sure they are going to be hard for all of us. But with God's help we can get through it together.

We love each and everyone of you and thank you for all your prayers and encouragement. Lindsay Bear we miss you so much and we love you more than you know!!!

Happy 30th Birthday, Laura

Today is Laura's 30th birthday. I can't believe she is 30. Where does the time go? Jan and I are so proud of Laura and thankful for the wonderful daughter, sister, Mom, wife, and friend that she is to all us. She is one very special young lady.

Laura's testimony this past year has been a blessing to thousands who have watched her walk through some very difficult days with Lindsay's sickness and homegoing, along with the miscarriage. In the midst of the pain and suffering, Laura has demonstrated her condfidence and trust in the Lord.

Laura Ruth, "we love you a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck, and a barel and a heap and a talkin' in our sleep about you!" From all of us -- Happy 30th Birthday!!!

5 Months and Lindsay's A Big Sister

Well today marks 5 months since Lindsay has been in heaven. We still miss her so much and wish she was here with us all the time. We are learning how to try and get into a normal when some days all we want to do is hold her in our arms. Her story continues to help people who are going through some hard times and we continue to share her story as much as we can. Our family just recently lost a dear friend of ours Mr. Steve. He was a man of God and touched and helped so many lives while he was here on earth. Mr. Steve gave the biggest and the best bear hugs ever and I am sure that when he got to heaven Lindsay was there to get one of his special bear hugs. Please continue to pray for the Deichert family as they go through the new journey in life without Mr. Steve.
The Lindsay baskets are going well. God has been blessing us with lots of items already for them. We are still in need of some more things to fill them up. If you are still interested in helping please send me an email at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. We haven't put any together yet because we are waiting until we have what we need. I am looking forward to the day when we can deliver them to Boston Children's Hospital. Thank you to those who have already sent us things for the baskets.
We still continue to hear from the nurses and sometimes doctors on 8 south. I would encourage you to still pray for them everyday. Every night when Tanner goes to bed we pray for all the babies and kids as well as the doctors and nurses. Please feel free to keep sending them cards of encouragement.

O.k. now to the other news you have been wondering about. Sometime in June a new baby Groen will be joining our family. We are so excited about a new baby in the family. But we are also scared at the same time that we will either lose this baby or something will be wrong. I keep having to remind myself that God is in total control and that we need to give our fears over to Him. We have been praying for this for a while now and we are so glad that God has given us a little one to take care of. We know that having this baby isn't going to take away the pain of losing Lindsay and that this baby won't ever replace her. But maybe just give us another glimpse of Lindsay and watching he or she grow. Last night Tanner and I had a little talk about this new baby. I asked him if he wanted a brother or a sister. He right away said a baby sister. It was neat to see his eyes light up when he said that to me as well as brought tears to my eyes. I then told him that he needed to pray and ask Jesus if he could have a baby sister. Will you join him in praying for a baby sister? We will be happy with either one of course but I think a sister would be special. He also asked what name we would give the baby and do you know what his answer was, Lindsay :(. Talk about breaking my heart when I heard that but you can tell that he misses her so much. We would covet your prayers over the next 9 months as this baby grows inside of me. I know that Lindsay would be the best big sister ever. Having a sister is the greatest thing in the world. I love my sister more than she knows and I cherish how close we have become over the years now that she has kids to. Julie, I love you and I can't than you enough for all your support, words of encouragement, hugs, and especially letting me adopt Emma like she was my own. I love you!!
God has truly blessed us over these past 5 months. We have learned a lot, cried a lot, and have cherished every minute we had with Lindsay. She will never ever be forgotten and her new sister or brother will know who she is and how special she is.

Lindsay Bear, Mommy, Daddy, and Tanner miss you so much and we hope you are having fun in heaven. We can't wait until we can hold you in our arms again. We love you more than you know!

4 Months and Lindsay Baskets

Well today marks 4 months of Lindsay being with Jesus. It sure feels some days like only yesterday and other times it feels like way longer. Still not a day goes by that we don't think of her or talk about something silly that she did. Tanner loves to remember things about her and how silly they were together. We are doing good and still taking one day at a time. Today Tanner and I are going to have lunch with Jon at work. We got 4 balloons to let go today to. Yesterday I went and picked up some roses and gave Jon's parents 4 and the rest are sitting on my counter. Just a little reminder of how special Lindsay is. Last week Tanner and I went and had shirts made up for Emma and Sam for there birthday's. We put pictures of Lindsay on them and they turned out so cute. I have to admit that it was hard for me last week on there birthday's. Hearing how fun there parties were and wishing that I was there. Also wishing that we could have had a party for Lindsay. I told Julie that she needs to cherish those special days and moments. For those of you that have kids some advice from me today is to take as many pictures during the day as possible. I now carry my camera in my purse to capture any precious moment that comes our way.

O.k. you are probably wondering about the basket part. We have come in contact with a lady who lost her little girl. She has started making up baskets in memory of her little girl and taking them to the ICU at the hospital they were at. This has sparked something in me that I would love to start and to give back to those on 8 south. In fact this lady as of last week has made 100 baskets. I have been praying about this and I think that it would be a great way to share Jesus love and to continue to share Lindsay's story. Here is somethings that we are wanting to but in the baskets:
receiving blankets
soft and or fuzzy socks
note cards
maybe some stamps
a gift card to the places they have there to eat
a little basket
a little bear ( to help the nurses hold up tubes and arms and legs)
All of these things need to be new and not used. A lot of things helped us while we were in the hospital. Right now I have a bunch of bears that my Uncle's church gave to us to give out. If you would like to help out in anyway with these basket's please let me know. You can email me at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. My prayer is that with these baskets we can bring a smile to a families face and share the love of Jesus to everyone who gets one.

We can't thank you all enough for all your encouraging words on the blog, the cards in the mail, and even emails that you have sent. Please don't stop praying for us and please keep praying for the nurses, doctors, and all the babies and kids that are on 8 south. We love you all more than you know.

Lindsay Bear you are missed so much and are loved so much!

Our Pumpkin Patch

The weather here in New Hampshire is starting to show signs of fall. Last week I started getting out my fall decorations. I got the idea to look for pictures of the kids with a pumpkin in the picture to print out to use as a decoration. Last year we got a big pumpkin and I took the kids picture with it. Now these pictures are so precious to me. We have 4 pumpkins in our patch and only 1 of them we will see grow. We continue to take one day at a time. Living each day to the fullest and enjoying each other. God has been so good to us in the last 3 1/2 months and has held us so close in his arms.

I was reading in my devotions this afternoon and this struck me. My daily bread said this; When the question is asked, 'Why did this happen?' perhaps one answer will be, 'So that many will consider where they will spend eternity.'" Trusting in the sovereignty of God can turn outrage into compassion and hatred into concern. Then I read this little saying; The Lord can turn a tragedy into an opportunity to show us that eternity must never be ignored. I also love this verse from 2 Timothy 4: 7,8 Lindsay has fought the good fight she has finished the race, so that we have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. Amen to that.

We are all apart of God's pumpkin patch and he gets to watch us grow into beautiful pumpkins that want to live for Him. So I ask you are you apart of God's pumpkin patch and are you growing to live your life for Him. I know that I fail sometimes but I know that God will forgive me and that He will help me grow.

Lindsay, you will always be our little pumpkin and we miss you so much!

Lindsay Butterflies

Here is what they look like. These were taken on Pop-Pop and Granny's butterfly bush!

3 Months And Yellow Butterflies

Today marks 3 months that Lindsay has been with Jesus. She is missed more and more everyday. Some days are harder than others and we just take one day at a time. Tanner is doing well and not a day goes by that something doesn't come up about something he remembers about her. God has been with us each step of the way in the past three months. If we didn't have him I don't know where we would be today. Tanner and I are in NJ and Jon is back at home. Please pray for Jon today as he isn't with us.

You are probably wondering about my title. When we went to Va for a little vacation we stayed at a lake house. One day while Tanner was playing in the sand at the lake 3 beautiful yellow butterflies came by us and they wouldn't leave. Everytime we were out they were out. Then I got to thinking about Lindsay and our other 2 babies that are in heaven with her and how those butterflies stayed together. Then when my parents came to visit in June the yellow butterflies were at our house but this time only one. Last week when Mom was outside with Tanner a yellow butterfly came and was flying around Tanner for awhile. Mom said that they haven't seen a yellow butterfly at all this summer. Yesterday when we were at Six Flags Mom said a yellow butterfly came on the playground with them. Everytime we see these yellow butterflies we are reminded of Lindsay. Tanner now calls them Lindsay butterflies. If you see a yellow butterfly around sometime just remember Lindsay and that she is watching over you.

We can't thank all of you enough for all your prayers, cards, posts on the blog, and for your encouraging words. We appreciate each and everyone of you. Please don't stop praying because we still need it. I would encourage you to still pray for the babies and kids on 8 south and for the doctors and nurses. You can still send them cards if you feel led. I am sure they would appreciate them all.

Lindsay Bear we miss you so much and we love you!

Written In God's Book

The last few days in my devotions, God has been taking me to Psalm 139. Lately on my mind has been why this happened, and what signs did I miss and should have caught. But then after reading Pslam 139 I am reminded that God knew before Lindsay was even concieved He knew the plan he had for her. One verse that struck me was verse 15-16 it says, My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Wow and so amazing to me. I know that this doesn't take away the pain of her not being here with us but in some small way it helps.
Yesterday a very special friend to our family went home to be with Jesus. Pastor Bill entered heaven's gates and was welcomed in by Jesus. As I was thinking about this today I am hoping that a blonde haired little girl with her Daddy's blue eyes and a smile that could light up a room, went to greet him and give him a great big hug. My friend Melissa also commented on her face book the same exact thing about her little girl. One day we will all enter those gates and I can't wait to see my Lindsay Bear running to welcome us. Please pray for the Raws family as they mourn the loss of a husband, dad, grandfather, and friend. Also keep praying for Mr. Steve. He is doing better but is still very sick. Please keep praying for my Dad as he goes through losing another friend and mentor. Dad and Mom were with Pastor Bill and the family yesterday when he went home. I know that was very hard for both of them to do. I love you Daddy and Mom!!!

Two Months

It's hard to believe that it has been two months today. We aren't exactly at the right time yet but still hard to believe. We have been so blessed over the past 2 months and God has given us so much comfort and strength to get through some hard days. I know this is not the end of the hard times but with our faith in God we can get through it. I was reading in my devotions this morning about trees. The title of the devotional is Graceful Oaks. In the beginning it talks about loving trees in the summer and how majestic and commanding . They offer their leafy, green shade free of charge. They bend in the breeze without breaking and they provide shelter for living creatures. Like the mighty oaks, God planted us in His garden. He put us there to care for all living things that are part of it. He placed us there for His glory. This really stuck out at me after reading it. Lindsay was placed in our garden. He gave her to us to help her grow and for us to take care of her and all for His glory. I have been asking God lately why He had to take her. I think I just got from Him part of my answer. God trusted Jon and I with Lindsay and we helped her grow. WOW! She was a beautiful little girl (like a flower) that grew and now she is even more beautiful in heaven. Our nurse Moria sent me an email yesterday and in her email she sent this poem.
God has not promised skies always blue, flower-shewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way. Grace for trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy undying love. What a neat poem and a perfect time to send it to.
I would like to ask you to please pray for a good friend of our family Mr. Steve Deichert. He had to have unexpected brain surgery yesterday. He is very critical right now. Mr. Steve is a great man and we got to work with him at Sandy Cove. Also if you could pray for Pastor Bill Raws as he is hanging on to life. My Dad could use your prayers as this has been difficult for him to watch Pastor Bill. After going through all of the things we went through with Lindsay he is going through it again.

Lindsay, We miss you so much and we love you more than you know. You will always be our Lindsay Bear and we will never ever forget you!

One More Day

Today has been a tough day for me as well as Jon. Some days are better than others for us. I don't know what sparked it for today but I am missing Lindsay so much. I am wanting to change her diaper and change her clothes. Jon and Tanner were working in the basement and she is supposed to be done there helping and causing trouble. Some days I just want to hold and snuggle her or hear her say Mommy and Daddy and watch her play with Tanner. This is all so hard and missing her hurts more and more each day. As I sit here and write my feelings tears stream down my face. As I said before I know that God has a reason for taking her home with him and I have to keep holding on to that. A song just came on the the ipod right now about casting all my cares upon the Lord and laying them at his feet. As more tears come from my eyes and remembering that I used to sing that to Lindsay while I held her hand. But how true that song is and that we can cast all our cares, fears, worries, at his feet. Those of you that have little ones don't take for granted all the times you have to change diapers, or clothes, or feed your little one, or hug and kiss them because if I had one more day I would do all those things and more!

She's In His Hands

She's In His Hands

A good friend sent me this picture today. I couldn't help but think of Lindsay when I saw the picture. It made me miss her so much, but what a wonderful

reminder that she is in the arms of our Savior.

I could help but think of Fanny Crosby's hymn, SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by His love o’ershaded,

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Hark! ’tis the voice of angels

Borne in a song to me,

Over the fields of glory,

Over the jasper sea.

Refrain:

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by His love o’ershaded,

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe from corroding care,

Safe from the world’s temptations;

Sin cannot harm me there.

Free from the blight of sorrow,

Free from my doubts and fears;

Only a few more trials,

Only a few more tears!

Jesus, my heart’s dear Refuge,

Jesus has died for me;

Firm on the Rock of Ages

Ever my trust shall be.

Here let me wait with patience,

Wait till the night is o’er;

Wait till I see the morning

Break on the golden shore.

Lindsay, we love you and miss you.

Life Without Jesus

Here is a poem I read the other day in my Nanny's devotional book.

Life without Jesus would be meaningless.

Life without Jesus would be hopelessness.

Life without Jesus I cannot conceive,

Lord I'm so glad for the day I believed.

Life without Jesus is not life at all.

No one to help us the moment we call.

No one to guide us each step of the way.

No one to answer the moment we pray.

Life without Jesus, life without Him.

Would just be a life that was still full of sin.

No hope for the future, eternity's mourn

Would be better, far better if we weren't born.

But life with the Saviour is life full of joy. (which Lindsay is doing)

Life with the Master no man can destroy.

He's mine for all time and eternity too

If only the world knew what Jesus could do.

The world with it's wealth and it's pleasure combined

Could never compare with salvation that's mine

For Jesus is all that this old world would need

If only they'd open their hearts and believe.

This poem spoke to my heart after I read it. If we didn't know Jesus we would have never made it through this. But we do know Him and that's all we need.

Today I was cleaning out the diaper pail to use when Julie, Garrett, Emma, and Ethan come on Sat. I had set it outside and forgot that there were a few diapers in there. So needless to say it was very smelly and full of rain water. As I was dumping out the water I realized that those were the last 3 diapers I changed at home. That sure made me sad and long more for Lindsay. You forget what it's like to change diapers everyday but I sure miss doing it everyday.

Windsay Did It!

I wasn't going to add a second post but this little story had to be told.

Yesterday afternoon I was cleaning out the van. I vaccumed and washed all the windows and they were sparkling. When we got in the van with Grandpa and Grandma to head to the airport I was sitting in the back with Tanner. I then was noticing places that I had missed when I was cleaning the windows. In the back window I noticed what looked to be finger print marks. I then asked Tanner if he had touched them when he was in the van watching me. He said no Mommy, Windsay did it!!! Needless to say we all broke out in laughter and even he thought he was funny.

Giving Back

Last night Tanner and I rode along to Boston with Grandpa and Grandma. Uncle Arlin and Aunt Linda were supposed to fly into Boston around 7:50 but didn't come in until 1o:30. Anyway, we went along to make a special trip back to Boston Children's Hospital to deliver some gift bags to five special nurses. I was given a whole bunch of lotions and facial stuff to give to them. Tanner and I also added dumb-dums and chocolate. Tanner would hand out dumb-dums to the nurses all the time while we were there. I have been back once since Lindsay went home but Tanner hadn't been back. He was very excited to get there and see what had changed. I was nervous going up the elevator to the 8 floor. Tanner of course got in and said 8th floor right Mommy. We were able to see Joanna, Melissa, Dr. Sarah, and Frank. It was wonderful to see them and to see there faces light up when we handed them there gift bag. It also felt strange not rushing back to bed space 9 to see what was happening. I almost felt lost just standing there and not going back. After we visited for awhile Tanner needed to get to the playroom. You should have heard him all excited about all the new toys that were there. We had some dinner in the cafeteria and then went to eat in the garden. Tanner was thrilled to see the fountains, flowers, and even the playground again. He even got to see the helicopter land and take off. It was a joy for me to watch him be so happy and excited to be back there. Maybe it was healing to him going back.
There is not a day, hour, minute, or second that does not go by that Lindsay is not on my mind. Even starting yesterday out and the tears that came for her. I sat and wondered what her hair would have looked like, listening to her talk even more, seeing her smile and I could go on. I hope sometime God would give me just a glimpse as to what she is doing up there in heaven. Going back to Boston where we spent so much time there and giving back something to the nurses felt so good. I wish I could have brought something for all of them but for those I did I felt joy. Joanna also had mentioned that she had gotten a card from someone and to see her light up talking about getting a card was neat. Please if you feel led to keep sending them cards to just let them know you are praying for them or thanking them please keep doing it. Lindsay's story is still being written and she is still touching people's lives. Lindsay Bear, Mommy loves you and misses you so much!

Somewhere Down the Road

Earlier in the week, Jan, Zach and me were in Ocean City with some dear friends. They wanted to watch the slide show that Jon's brother put together for Lindsay's Memorial service.

I thought I was doing better but watching that slide show sure did hurt. Today Laura sent us pictures ... she prefaced her email saying we might now want to open the pictures. I was not going to ... and then I did ... it stinks. I don't quite understand it ... I want to take the pain away from Laura and Jon. I want Tanner to have his best buddy back.

Right now none of this really makes sense, except for trusting in a sovereign God who sees the bigger picture that I cannot quite grasp. Tonight I read Amy Grant's new book, MOSAIC. Laura, you loved Amy as a kid ... I could tell a really funny story about one song you used to sing at the end of our driveway ... but you'd strangle me!

This song was just what I needed to hear -- SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD

So much pain and no good reason why,
You've cried until the tears run dry.

And nothing hear can make you understand.

The one thing you held so hear, has slipped from your two hands.

And you say
Why why why?D

Does it go this way?

Why why why

And all is can say is

Somewhere down the road,

There'll be answers to the questions

Somewhere down the road

Though we cannot see it now

Somewhere down the road

You will find mighty arms

Reaching for you

And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all

I thought I'd climbed the highest wall

But now I see that learning never ends.
And all I know to do is keep on walking

Walking 'round the bend.

Saying

Why why why?

Does it go this way?

Why why why?

And all I can say ... all I know to say now is

Somewhere down the road,

There'll be answers to the questions,

Somewhere down the road

Though we cannot see it now

Somewhere down the road

You will find mighty arms

Reaching for you

And they will hold the answers at the end of the road.

(Amy Grant)

I miss you, Lindsay Bear!

A Smile That Can Brighten Your Day

Oh, how I long to see her smiling back at me with those big blue eyes. Her smile could sure light up a room or anyone's bad and gloomy day. I was just looking through pictures and seeing her smile and her really silly smiles makes me smile. But also makes me miss her even more. I wish I could share every picture we have of her with everyone but I think I will share a few.

We have a new skylight in our bathroom now. The other day Tanner was going potty and I siad something to him about how pretty the sky was with the new skylight. He then asked if Lindsay could see in our new skylight and I told him she sure could. He then became silly and asked if she could see his new spiderman underwear. That made me smile and say yes she could and then we both laughed. Tanner makes me smile when he remembers Windsay and all the fun things they did together. I know that when he talks about her sometimes he gets a big smile on his face. So when you are having a sad and gloomy day just look at these pictures of Lindsay because I know she will bring a smile to your face. I can just see her on Jesus's lap smiling at him and making him smile as well!!!

Weeping At Night But Joy Comes In The Morning

That's how I was feeling last night was very weepy. Wondering why God had to take her from us and what did we do that she had to go to heaven. I was wanting to hold her close, see her smile, hear her say Daddy and Mommy, let Tanner play with her, and the list goes on. But then I had to stop and remember that God took her for a reason. I sure wish we would knew sometimes why but we just have to trust Him. Then this morning I woke up and felt a little more joy in remembering all the happy times we had and that makes me smile. I have put some pictures of Lindsay by the kitchen sink so that every time I wash dishes I can see her smiling back at me. She is missed so much in our house and we love her and miss her more each and every day.

We got this card today and I want to share it with you.

As you go through this.....

Difficult things can cause us to ask,

"Why did this happen?"

we never need to ask,

"How could He let this happen?"

God may reveal

all His reasons to us,

but He has revealed

His character to us.

His character assures us that

He never makes mistakes,

is never uncaring,

and that He never separates Himself

from our need.

The need you face is great,

but the grace that is yours

in Christ is even greater.

May your heart and your faith

stay fixed upon Him

as you go through this difficulty.

Be assured that He is holding your hand and will NEVER let it go!!

I was so encouraged after reading this card. How fitting this was to get after last night. Thank you Aunt Connie and Uncle Bob Wood for this card!! Thank you Lord for never letting go of our hands!!

LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN

Thank you for praying for Jon, Laura and Tanner as they went through the first of many diffiuclt "special" days. While it was a very emotional time for all of us, the kids were strong and I know that God's grace is what helped them to get through Lindsay's first birthday.

The blog went over 44,000 hits sometime last night. We know that many of you are still checking the blog on a regular basis, but please, don't just visit, write a note to the kids. Your words of encouragement are so much needed as they walk through their time of grief.

I am humbled and happy to announce that the Board of Trustees of America's KESWICK have established a memorial fund in Lindsay's memory, and the fund will be used to refurbish our aging playground. There is a team of folks that are in the process of developing a new playground that will be dedicated in Lindsay's memory. Our Board Chairman, Howard Bateman, has named the new playground, LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN.

If you would like to make a donation to the project, make your check payable to AMERICA'S KESWICK and designate it for the playground. You can send your check to:

America's KESWICK
601 Route 530
Whiting, NJ 08759

We will keep you posted on the progress.

Have a great day!

Happy Father's Day Daddy, Pop-Pop, Grandpa

Happy Father's Day! Today I am sure will be another hard day for us all. Lindsay's birthday was hard enough but we all got through it. We had a pizza party and then let off 13 balloons into the sky. We attached little pieces of paper to them saying that if they land in your yard to write on the blog. We sang Happy Birthday to her as they went up into heaven. I hope she was watching them fly. When we were letting them go there was some clearing in the sky where you could see some blue. So I think she was wacthing all the pretty balloons.

Jon, Thanks for being the best Daddy to Tanner and Lindsay. They love you more than you know and look up to you. God has given them to us and I am so glad he chose you and I to be there parents. Always remember that even though Lindsay is in heaven that she will always be Daddy's little girl and your Lindsay bear.

Dad W, Thanks for being the best Pop-Pop to Tanner, Lindsay, Emma, Ethan, Sam, they could ever have. They all love you and adore you. We are all thankful that God has given them such a great Pop. Thanks for all you do for all of us by loving and supporting us. Thanks also for being the best Dad to the rest of us.

Dad G, Thanks for being the best Grandpa to Tanner, Lindsay, Ariel, Isaac. They love and adore you more than you know. We are thankful that God has given them a Grandpa like you. Thanks for being such a great Dad to all the boys and to us girls. Thanks for all your wisdom and for all your love in supporting us all.

Just think what a day Lindsay is having with our heavenly Father. And she is getting to spend Father's Day with all our Grandpa's in heaven.

Happy Birthday Lindsay Bear

Well the sun is shining here in New Hampshire. I so wish that Lindsay were here so we could have a big party with lots of balloons and cake. But she is having a bigger party in heaven today. I again wish heaven had skylights so we could all see her party with Jesus. Just before Lindsay was born my thinking had changed that she was a boy. But when she came out and Dr. Mulder said it was a girl I didn't believe him. We were so surprised and so happy to have a little girl. She was a joy from the minute she was born. Her smile lit up a room and her bear hugs were the best and she had her daddy's blue eyes. Lindsay Bear Mommy and Daddy and Tanner miss you so much and we love you so much. We hope your birthday in heaven is really special today. We will never forget you and who you were and not a day will go by that we won't think about you. Happy Birthday Lindsay!!!

Two Years Ago Tonight

Two years ago today Jon and I were at Luverne Community Hospital settling in and getting excited about baby # 2. We were excited to see if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. I had a dream that we were having a girl but was stilling thinking that it would be a boy. Little did we know that God had already had his plan for Lindsay and her life. As I sit here and think about her it makes me miss her so much. I am wishing she was here so we could have a party for her and help her celebrate her special day. I wonder what it's like in heaven to have a birthday. I am sure she will have the best birthday she has ever had. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day as we remember her and the day she entered this world. But knowing that she left this world and woke up in the arms of Jesus is the best gift she gets on her birthday! Thanks Lord for giving us Lindsay for the 24 months we had her. Lindsay was born at 12:09 a.m. and weighing 7lbs 5oz and was 21 in long.

She's Got Her Father's Eyes

The past few days I have been thinking about Jon and Lindsay and was reminded of an old Amy Grant song, MY FATHER'S EYES. Looking at pictures of Lindsay, you can't help but notice that she has her Daddy's eyes!

Jon of all the Dad's God could have given Lindsay, he chose the best when he chose YOU! He knew she'd need a special Daddy, and He gave her one that Lindsay could look at because you have your Heavenly Father's eyes!

I have found myself humming through Amy Grant's song, My Father's Eyes

I may not be every mother's
dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind
of everyone in the world.

But that's all right,

as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life,
I want to hear them say,
She's got her father's eyes,
Her father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things,
When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help,
When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,
My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay

for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone.
And when you're called to stand and
tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be,

She had her father's eyes, Her father's eyes;
Eyes that found the good in things,
When good was not around;
Eyes that found the source of help,
When help would not be found;
Eyes full of compassion,

Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through,

And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

When Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of heaven and opened them in heaven, looking into the face of Jesus, I think she just might of said, "I know you! You've got my Father's eyes!" We love you, Jon.

If Heaven Had Skylights

I was sitting at the computer the other day thinking about Lindsay and missing her. I then began wishing that heaven had a skylight so that I could look up and see what she is doing. Or simply hear her talk to me and how she has grown. I am sure she is having a great time playing and meeting new friends her age. I bet all our grandparents are taking care of her and telling her stories. We miss Lindsay so much and look forward to one day having Jesus putting her back into our arms. I miss her hugs, her smile, her laughter, and everything about her. Mrs. Jager has told us to always keep Lindsay's memory alive and always talk about her in the present not in the past. I have been trying to do that every time I talk about her. God has been showing us how her little life is changing people and that is exciting to see. To know that our baby girl has touched so many lives and she is still doing that is amazing. Dad W told me the other day that Lindsay's book is still being written.
So if heaven had skylights I hope she is watching us and smiling. Lindsay, Mommy misses you more than you know and I love you so much!

Lindsay Keeps Speaking

I thought you'd be encouraged to hear how Lindsay's life keeps speaking volumes:

Dear Bill,
I was asked to write an article for the TCF newsletter for Redlands about my feelings as I walked through Lindsay's illness and ultimate death with you.

The article will be sent to about 250 Christian, Jewish, and non-Christian bereaved families as well as area professionals. I wanted to share this article with you. I hope you like it.

PLEASE, DON'T LET IT BE WASTED

I remember the moment vividly. We were driving toward Kansas when my cell phone rang. It was Bill, the Executive Director of America’s Keswick where we spend our summers. On April 7 his 22 month old granddaughter Lindsay had undergone open heart surgery. I had just read on her blog that morning that she was doing much better and had even taken a short ride in a hospital wagon. However, as I heard Bill’s voice, I knew something was terribly wrong. Bill explained that Lindsay had experienced cardiac arrest just shortly before he called on April 15. The medical staff was able to revive her, but, of course, the situation was critical. For the next month, the family experienced the typical roller coaster that many of us have gone through. One day Lindsay was showing improvement, the next moment Lindsay would have a set back and her condition was dire. On May 16 Lindsay went to Heaven with her family present. Her pain was over, but her family’s forever pain was just beginning.

Have you noticed how detailed my report is? I sound like a bereaved parent, don’t I? Well, of course, you know that I am a bereaved parent, and I felt like a bereaved parent as we walked through this difficult journey with Bill’s family. I remember the dates of the significant events just as her family would.

Mostly, I remembered…. I remembered the shock, the pain, the prayers, the confusion, and the frustration of the roller coaster…all of the emotions that a bereaved parent goes through.

I also remember my prayer, Dear Lord, Please don’t let Lindsay die. I know the pain, and I know the journey the family will have to walk. Father, I don’t think I can handle the pain I will see in the family’s eyes.

Does that sound like a selfish prayer? Perhaps it was, but I have been there. I know the journey the family will walk through. Oh, how I wish I didn’t know. I describe someone who has experienced the loss of a family member as one who has lost their innocence. I don’t want any of my friends to qualify for that description.

As my three children died, I prayed the same prayer each time, Don’t let this be wasted. I have had a chance to talk with some of Lindsay’s family and to share my books with them. My boys will be remembered as I share my story and what I have learned along the way. Their lives have not been wasted.

While I never want anyone to experience the pain of losing a child, I am grateful that I can be available to take their hand and say,

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE STEP,
THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO DO TODAY.

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE LITTLE STEP
BY REACHING OUT YOUR HAND TO SOMEONE ELSE.

SOME OF US HAVE WALKED THIS PATH BEFORE YOU,
IT’S A ROUGH PATH, A VERY, VERY TOUGH PATH,
BUT WE CAN MAKE IT.

HANG ON TO ME AND I’LL HANG ON TO YOU.
WE MAY STUMBLE, WE MAY EVEN FALL.

BUT WE’LL GET UP AGAIN,
AND WE’LL START WITH JUST ONE STEP,
YOUR HANDS LINKED WITH MINE.

WE’LL MAKE IT. YES, WE CAN MAKE IT.
ALL OF US TOGETHER,
JUST ONE STEP AT A TIME.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, By Marilyn Willett Heavilin, July, 1995
This article was written in memory of Lindsay Alice Groen, June 14, 2006 to May 16, 2008

Lindsay's Legacy Continues ...

Yesterday we had our monthly hymnsing at America's KESWICK with 560 attendees. I had the opportunity to share Lindsay's story with them at the end of the session, and afterwards 12 senior citizens prayed to receive Christ as their Savior.

I cannot even remember how many people came up to me to share how they had been praying for Lindsay and the kids.

Robert and Joyce Hayes are a vital part of our ministry. Robert recorded a lullaby CD that all of our grands use when they go to bed. One of the precious songs they have recorded and share in their concerts is a poem written by Patty Fischer:

This Side of Heaven

This side of heaven there are some things I simply will not know
When I will ask the question, "why?" and no answer can be found.
When dreams are dashed and plans are spoiled,
And I don't understand, I'll trust in His unchanging grace
And rest within His hand.

One day I'll stand before His throne,
And worship at His feet.
That day He'll make his purpose known,
and I will be complete.
For in that moment I will know,
His plan for me was given.
Not for my brief stay here on earth,
but for my home in heaven.

For even as I'm struggling through,
Life's brutal dessert heat,
He floods me with amazing grace,
and fills my heart with peace.

This darkened side of heaven's doors
He'll fill with glorious light,
Revealing His great master plan
and there'll be no more night.
Until that day, I'll walk by faith
His purposes are best,
His love and grace have planned my life
And in that truth I'll rest.
Patty Fischer

Lindsay, we love you and miss you so much!