Dancing With Jesus

I keep forgetting to post this in case some of you don't have facebook. Lindsay Dean passed away very unexpectedly on Friday June 17, 2011. Please pray for the Dean family during this difficult time. Suzie (lindsay's mom) has been very sick before this happened. So please especially pray for her.

My heart is very broken for them. I am sure our Lindsay was there to greet her with open arms. I can see them running and playing together to.

Thanks for continuing to pray for special families like this with us.

Happy Birthday Uncle Ben!!!

Happy Birthday to my brother in law Ben today. As some of you know Ben and Ainsley have moved back here to NH. In January he was diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma. The last few days have been rough for him with a lot of leg pain. We know what the power of prayer can do when some one needs it. Ainsley is also due today with there 3rd baby. Plus they are trying to finish up there house and move into while all of this is going on. Please join us in praying for them.

I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us. I think he gives us these trials in life to draw us closer to him and to put are full trust in him with EVERYTHING that is going on in life. I have said this before that sometimes I wish we could see what he has in store for us before it happens so we can prepare our selves. But I don't think it would change anything because he would still be in control and He would be there to guide us through what ever he brings our way.

I have recently been struggling and being fearful of things that may or may not happen. I find myself watching the boys closer when they play outside and making sure they don't do something to hurt themselves. Or watching them close when they are sick. One of my biggest fears recently is that I will have cancer. It just seems that so many are getting it in some form these days. I have been clinging to the verse in Philippians 4:6-7; Do not be ANXIOUS about ANYTHING but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your REQUESTS to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I find myself repeating this verse over and over again when I am worried about something. And usually after a few minutes I feel God's peace come over me. I know that God has a plan for me and my family. I just need to sit back and put my whole TRUST in him everyday. Jeremiah 29:11 goes through my head a lot to, For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. I like what it says in the next verses to; Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will LISTEN to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. This is more than I was going to write but it feels better to share what has been on my heart. If you are still reading Thanks.

I have one more prayer request for you. Jon's cousin Dave's wife Destiny has just been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. They have two little boys; Tyler is 20 months, and there newest addition Devin is 3 weeks old. (and yes, another boy in the family). I know they are in the process of meeting with doctor's and other specialist. I know they would appreciate your prayers as well.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

As I was sitting here this morning trying to find pictures of Mom and Lindsay and thinking about what I was going to write, I realized that Mom was with us when Lindsay entered this world on June 14,2006 in Luverne, MN and Mom was with us the day Lindsay went to heaven on May 16, 2008 in Boston, MA. Wow!!! Why I have never realized that I don't know but she was there. She was with us the whole time we were in Boston. As I look back now I don't know how we would have done it with out her. She was there for the happy times, the sad times, the fun times. She was a extra ear to listen to the doctor's and nurse's, the shoulder to cry on, the one who called Dad to tell him what was going on, we shared devotions together, prayed together, and I could go on.

My Mom is my best friend, my prayer warrior, the person I go to (other than Jon) when I need advice. I call my Mom everyday even if it's only for a few minutes or to see how her day is going. I am so glad that God chose her to be my Mom!!!!

We love you Mom/Granny and we hope you have a great birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

I just wanted to write and say a big thank you to my Dad for starting this blog for us. If it wasn't for my Dad you wouldn't have gotten the information and updates on Lindsay. I love my Dad very much and he is my hero. He is always there when we need him and we can always count on him to just pray when we need him to . All his grandkids adore him and love being with him.

Happy Birthday Dad/ Pop-Pop!!! We love you a bushel and a peck, a hug around the neck, a barrel and a heap, and we are talking in our sleep about you.

Prayer Requests

Good Morning!!! It is still raining here in NH. I am so ready for the sun to shine and to get outside.

I have some prayer requests for our faith prayer warriors today. So here they are; The first one is Lindsay Dean is still in the hospital. She has been sick for a few weeks now and her doctor's are trying to figure out what is going on. Praise the Lord it's not her new heart being rejected. But she still needs our prayers. Her link is to the left under heart friends.

The second one is for a new friend I have made through her blog and facebook. I have not met her face to face yet and hope to one day soon. She lives in Rochester so she isn't far away. On Dec 3, 2010 (the day after Wyatt) she gave birth to her daughter Rachel. Rachel had a condition called anencephaly. She lived 43 minutes on this earth and then entered heaven's gates. Through Rachel's story and like Lindsay's they have brought people to Christ through there stories. I don't know why Stacy has been on my heart this last few days but she has. I have had this tugging on my heart to just reach out to her and let her know that I have been where she is right now in her grief and missing her little girl. And to just let her know that I am praying for her. I have added her blog link to the left also under family and friends.

Thanks for praying for these dear friends. I wanted to also add the lyrics to the song Blessings by Laura Story that is the first song playing. I love this song and the lyrics.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

3 Years Ago Today

I have been having a hard time today trying to decide what to write. My thoughts have been all over the place today. My thoughts have gone back to this day and remembering each and every part of the day. Remembering how today was the last day she was in our arms, what she looked like, all those that were with us when we said goodbye. Our broken hearts and empty arms and the longing to have her back for just one more day. Even going back and watching her memorial service and feeling like it was just yesterday this all happened. And while all these thoughts are going on taking care of the boys and rejoicing in how blessed we are. Even though Lindsay isn't here she is and will always be in our hearts. I see her in her brothers, in her Daddy's eyes, in her cousin Emma's thoughts, in the lives she touched. There is some of Lindsay in all of us and that makes me happy. It still doesn't take away the pain in our hearts and in our arms but it keeps us going.

This weekend my sister Julie and her husband Garrett came for a visit. It was so much fun to have them come and for Tanner, Case, Wyatt to get to play with Emma, Ethan, Weston. I loved watching them all play but it broke my heart when the boys would be playing and there was no Ce~Ce for Emma. I felt so bad and even a little mad at God for a bit as to why Lindsay couldn't still be here for Emma. I am sure they would have been the best of friends. Emma will always have a special place in my heart and as I call her my baby girl :).

Tanner has picked the above picture of him and Lindsay. He said that is one of his favorite pictures of them. I also asked what he misses the most about Lindsay and his response was playing in the sand box at our mobile home. I am sure he has many favorite memories but this is what I got out of him today.

I was telling Jon earlier today how I have felt like I let Lindsay down today because I didn't do anything for her. His response was she needs nothing and she knows we are missing her :). Oh, how true that is.

3 years ago today Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of earth and opened her eyes in heaven. Oh, what she must have seen.

Lindsay,

Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, Case, Wyatt miss you more than ever. We have spent the day thinking of you and remembering all the fun times we had with you. We wish you were still here with us so you could play with your brothers. We are so glad that we are your parents and that God gave you to us. You have and are still continuing to change people and bring them to Jesus. We love you so much Lindsay Bear and we look forward to the day when we can all be together with you in heaven. When I miss you the most I just pick up Case as he reminds me so much of you. His hugs bring a smile to my face and sometimes I just imagine that I am holding you. As you can see my thoughts are every where. But I couldn't let today go by with out writing something.

She has fought the good fight, She has finished the race, We have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will reward to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

HE IS RISEN

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know who you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; HE IS RISEN, just as he said. Matthew 28:5-6

Happy Easter to you all!!!!! We hope you take some time today to reflect on what Christ has done for you and for me. If you don't have him as the Lord and Savior of your life there is still room at the cross for you.

Last night as I was pulling the boy's easter outfits out I was missing Lindsay. I miss dressing up a little girl in a pretty Easter dress. I can only imagine what Lindsay and her friend Annabelle are wearing today. I bet it's the most prettiest Easter dress you have ever seen. I bet they are dancing and twirling at the feet of Jesus. Oh if heaven only had a window that we could see them.

I wonder what it's like to spend Easter in heaven.

The picture at the top is Lindsay's first Easter. The other one with Tanner, is Lindsay's last Easter here on earth.

One Of The Worst Days

I have to be honest this morning and say that for some reason in my mind this awful day 3 years ago was tomorrow. I don't know why I thought that but thank goodness for this blog. I went back to that post and checked and there it was.

I remember starting out the day by taking Lindsay down in the wagon for a chest x ray. I remember it was so hard to watch her being so weak. Jon helped the whole time by lifting her up and moving her around for the different pictures. She would let out these little moans which was so sad. We then took her and Tanner out to the playground for her to get some fresh air. She sat in her little wagon and watched Tanner. We then took her back to her room to rest. I remember that she was just not herself and then she broke out into some sort of rash. We had the doctor's come in and look at it but they didn't seem to worried. I remember asking her if she wanted uppies (to be held) so of course I scooped her up. Then it started to happen, she kept saying Mommy and I would say I am here Lindsay mommy is here. I remember looking at Jon and saying something is really wrong you better go get Julia (she was our nurse and our hero) She kept saying it over and over and then all of a sudden her breathing got funny and she was struggling to breathe and then her color changed. Just as this was happening Julia was walking by our room and looked in and knew something was wrong. All I remember after that was Julia taking her away and alarms going off and doctor's and nurses swarming every where. My body went numb as I had no idea what was going on. I remember telling the nurses to get Jon out of the room because I didn't want him to be in there alone and watching what was happening. We then went into a nurses office and prayed and prayed and prayed for her. We then had to call Mom and tell her to come back up to the floor right away. She had been at the play ground with Tanner. I am thankful he wasn't there to see all that happen.

I am sorry if this is hard for anyone to read. I didn't think I would write it all out but I felt I needed to. Even as hard as this was to write out I can look back and see that God was with us and taking care of us the whole time. Even though we didn't know what the next few weeks wold hold for us he did. Psalm 139: 8-10 says If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Then in verse 16 it says; When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How true is verse 16; that he knew on April 15,2008 that she would go into cardiac arrest and that on May 16, 2008 she would live with him.

I read again this morning in Streams in the desert this;The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure Word of God alone. And when we take Him at His word, our hearts are at peace.

God delights in causing us to exercise our faith. He does so to bless us individually, to bless the church at large, and as a witness to unbelievers. Yet we tend to retreat from the exercising of our faith instead of welcoming it. When trials come our response should be, "My heavenly Father has placed this cup of trails into my hands so I may later have something pleasant."

Trials are the food of faith. Oh may we leave ourselves in the hands of our heavenly Father! It is the joy of his heart to do good to all His children. Yet trials and difficulties are not the only way faith is exercised and thereby increased. Reading the Scriptures also acquaints us with God as He has revealed Himself in them.

Are you able to genuinely say, from your knowledge of God and your relationship with Him, that He is indeed a beautiful Being? If not, let me graciously encourage you to ask God to take you to that point, so you will fully appreciate His gentleness and kindness, so you will be able to say just how good He is, and so you will know what a delight it is to God's heart to do good for His children.

The closer we come to this point in our inner being, the more willing we are to leave ourselves in His hands and the more satisfied we are with all of His dealings with us. Then when trials come, we will say " I will patiently wait to see the good God will do in my life, with the calm assurance He will do it."

In this way, we will bear the testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others. (written by George Mueller) I thought this was fitting for today.

These past few days Case has been reminding me of Lindsay. He looks like her, is built like her, and does some things that remind me of her. It has been good to just pick him up and hold him tight for a few minutes and thank the Lord for him. Everything that he has been doing is what we have missed with watching Lindsay grow up. Each and every day is so special with all of the boys these days.

I am sorry this is so long but this is what was on my heart this morning.

3 Years Ago Today

3 years ago today Jon and I did one of the hardest things we never thought we would have to do. 3 years ago today we had to hand over our baby girl to a nurse who took her into surgery to have her little heart fixed. I remember that day so clearly and I have thought about it several times today. After that we began this 3 year journey that we never thought we would have to go through. These next few weeks for us will be a time to remember those days Lindsay was in the hospital, to reflect on all the little miracles she came through, and to thank the Lord for being with us each step of the way.

I have been thinking all day what I should write today. I apologize for it taking me this long to write. Life with 3 boys has been busy and fun. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I cherish each moment of every day with them. I know that if Lindsay were still here she would have loved her brothers. She would have been their little mother, and most of all their best friend. The boys would have protected her, played tractors and dolls with her, and I am sure had tea parties with her. But I know that she is watching over them all the time.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would have been like. How long her hair would have been, hearing her talk, watching her with Wyatt, hearing her call Daddy and Mommy, looking cute wearing dresses, and even watching her and Emma play together. She is missed so much in our house.

I read this today in my devotions from Streams In The Desert; Inner stillness is an absolute necessity to truly knowing God. I remember learning this during a time of great crisis in my life. My entire being seemed to throb with anxiety, and the sense of need for immediate and powerful action was overwhelming. Yet the circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could have helped would not move.

For a time it seemed as if I would fall to pieces due to my inner turmoil. Then suddenly " a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) whispered in the depths of my soul, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10). The words were spoken with power and I obeyed . I composed myself, bringing my body to complete stillness, and forced my troubled spirit into quietness. Only then, while looking up and waiting, did I know that it was God who had spoken. He was in the midst of my crisis and my helplessness, and I rested in Him.

This was an experience I would not have missed for anything. I would also say it was from the stillness that the power seemed to arise to deal with the crisis, and that very quickly brought it to a successful resolution. It was during this crisis I effectively learned that my "strength is still". (written by Hannah Whitall Smith)

WOW!!! Looking back during Lindsay's time in the hospital this is so true. This devotional sums our whole experience. God was with us each and every day and we heard his voice and felt his presence is so many amazing ways. We always would end the day by praying with Lindsay before we left the hospital. I remember praying that God would prove the doctor's wrong and that Lindsay would blow there socks off. Even though she went to heaven she still proved them wrong a number of times which only God could have done. It was fun to watch there faces when something would happen with Lindsay that they didn't think could. We would just smile and say well we know who did this and how many of you were praying for her and for them.

Lindsay Bear,

We miss you more than ever today. We hope that what ever you are doing in heaven that you are having fun. We are proud of you and how strong you were 3 years ago today. You are always in our hearts and always on our mind. Thanks for making us so proud to be your parents.

Dear Lord,

Jon and I thank you for bringing us through these 3 years. With out you who knows where we would be. Thank you for allowing us to be Lindsay parents for the short time we had with her. Give her lots and hugs and kisses for us today. We ask that you continue to be with all the doctor's and nurses on 8 south and 8 east. Continue to give them the strength and wisdom to the best of there ability. Be with all the babies and kids on the 8th floor and help them all to get better. Thank you for a beautiful day for us to remember Lindsay.

We again thank you all for praying for us. Without all of you holding us up during that time we wouldn't be where we are today. I will try and be better at updating the blog better.

My Dad also wrote yesterday so please check that out.

Remembering Lindsay

I wasn't sure if Laura would post on the blog today, but our hearts are flooded today with many memories of Lindsay. This time three years ago was the preparation for Lindsay's first open heart surgery. It was a particularly tough day for Jon and Laura because on this same day, Laura had a miscarriage on top of anticipating their little girl having major surgery.  Little did we know how the events of the next several weeks would unfold.

Looking back, we are all very thankful for the love and support that you have provided to our kids during these difficult years. God gives grace and comfort, but the reality of Lindsay's absence is still very real and always present.

We are so proud of Laura and Jon and thank the Lord for the ways that they have turned this tragedy to triumph as they have opportunities to share Lindsay's story. So many of you followed the blog from the beginning of this adventure. We thought it would be a great encouragement to the kids to have you share words of encouragement with them over the next several weeks.

Thank you for walking THROUGH these tough times with us.

Love,

Bill and Jan Welte and Warren and Phyllis Groen

Sorry It's Been So Long

It has been a long time since I have written. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update. We have been really busy lately. Jon has been trucking for his Uncle Keith for a month now and the boys and I have been hanging out at home as well as in NJ. We miss when he is not around and we do get to see him often. The truck that he has been driving is the same truck that he drove Lindsay's last summer. We have lots of fun memories in the truck when we went along with Jon.

The boys are doing well and growing up way to fast. They keep me pretty busy all day. They are growing closer together as brother's which is awesome to watch. We are looking forward to our newest addition coming sometime in December. Jon and I are hoping for a little girl but Tanner wants another brother. We will see who is right when the time comes. Baby Groen is right on schedule and is getting more and more active. We did have a fetal echo done a few weeks ago and the babies heart is perfect. We thank the Lord for that everyday.

Lindsay is still never to far from our minds. We think of her often and talk about her a lot. We have seen lots of Lindsay butterflies this summer which always brings a smile to our faces. It is fun to see Tanner get so excited when he sees one. We have been spending time in NJ and have been playing lots with Emma and Ethan. I have enjoyed watching them get excited as well when they see a Lindsay butterfly. Emma talks about Ce~Ce a lot and often asks Julie if she can go and play with her. I am sure that if Lindsay were still here that Emma and her would be best friends and so much fun to watch. I feel so bad sometimes when I see her and wish so much that Lindsay was around to play with her. Sometimes I feel it's so unfair that she had to leave us so soon. And why her, even though I wouldn't want anyone to go through this. But I know that God has a reason and one day we will find out that reason when we are with him. Until then we need to keep her memory alive and continue to share her story with others.

We hope you will still continue to keep up with the blog. I am going to try much harder to keep it updated. We love you all very much and thank you for your continued prayers for our family.

Because Of The Cross

Today at 1:00 p.m. marks Lindsay's 2 year anniversary in Heaven. How can 2 years have passed already when some days it feels like it was just yesterday. Some days I still think I am in this huge dream and I am going to wake up and everything will be the same. I do remember one dream I had the night before Lindsay went home. It was just after the doctors had called to tell us that something had happened in her belly. I remembering trying to fall back to sleep but so much was going through my head. I guess I finally did fall asleep, but my Pop-Pop Welte came to me in my dream and told me that Lindsay was going to be o.k. and that he was going to take care of her. You see my Pop-Pop has been in heaven for years. I remember waking up trying to shake it off and thinking I was crazy. But I really wasn't because he was right and he as well as my Mema, Nanny, Bebe, Grandpa and Grandma Groen, and Grandpa and Grandma Burgers are all in heaven with her taking care of her. I am comforted in knowing that she isn't alone and that she is fine and happy. Like my title says that's all because of the cross. Because of the cross and what Jesus did for you and me, we will be able to see Lindsay again. So on this 2 year angel anniversary I am thankful for what Christ did for me on the cross and the promises that he has made to me in knowing that one day we will all be with Lindsay in paradise. If you are reading this and don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior don't let the day go by without talking to some one. Lindsay's book is still being written and already through her life people have gotten saved.

I know have have said this on so many posts but I am going to say it again; THANK YOU. Thank you for the prayers, comments on the blog, encouragement, hugs, and just being there when we have needed you. I can't end this without saying a huge THANK YOU to all the doctors, nurses, ecmo nurses, on 8 south and 8 east. Because of them Lindsay had the best care we could have asked for. They sacrifice so much of there own lives to be in the hospital to take care of kids that really need them. We are thankful for each and every one of them who took care of Lindsay. Tanner and I still pray for them all every night at bed time as well as all the babies and kids on the 8th floor.

I am going to leave you with a picture video that I put together in memory of Lindsay's time in the hospital. Many have never seen some of these pictures and they may be hard to look at. But we cherish each one of them because they are the last pictures we have of her.

Lindsay Bear, Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, and Case miss you so much. We talk about you all the time and you will always be with us and in our hearts. We love you more than you know and we are proud of you in so many ways. Today after church we are going to have a picnic in the park and we will be thinking of you the whole day. We send you lots of hugs and kisses towards heaven today.

From Movies

I apologize for not keeping this updated as often as I wanted to. Life has been very crazy here at our house. I was really sick for a few days and thankfully I am way better now. Plus add to that chasing after the kids and all the other activities that we are involved in. This is the start of a whole new month as well as the start to the month of remembering where we were two years ago. Some of them I just want to forget about and pretend none of them ever happened and that I am going to wake up soon and she will be here. But that's not going to happen and so we continue to hold on to Jesus. He has brought us this far in this journey I know he will continue to carry us until we are reunited with her again. Oh, what a day that will be. I just added this song this morning called, Sing To Jesus. One of the verses in the song says this; Come you weary and he will give you rest, Come you who mourn, lay on his breast, Christ who died risen in Paradise, Giver of mercy, Giver of life. I love to think that when we are sad that we can just lay on his breast and he will comfort us. He gave Lindsay the life she had here on earth and now he has given her a life with no more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears, and her heart is whole. As much as I want her here with us so bad, I wouldn't want her here if she was suffering and hurting. Lindsay, We miss you so much and we love you more than you know.

The walk is coming up very soon and we are so excited to get to go this year. We still need to raise as much money as we can. If you would like to help here are the links to our walk pages;

https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/pfp.asp?ID=GL0040 ~ Laura

https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gj0106 ~ Jon

https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gt0025 ~ Tanner

On May 19, 2010 we will be putting the Lindsay Bear Baskets together at our MOPS group. I am so excited to get them put together and delivered. Last week I did some inventory of all the stuff we have. We have 91 bears and 44 baskets. We are still in need of a few things to put them together. We need; Life is good socks, note cards, gift cards (Starbucks, McDonalds, Subway, CVS). I will be sure and update when we are done and add some pictures for you.

A few prayer requests before I end this post. Please be praying for my brothers wife Jenny who will soon give birth to there 2nd baby. She is being watched very closely during this pregnancy. My Aunt Jeanne will be having her surgery on May 17. Pray for peace for her, my Uncle Mark and my cousins Jeff and Megan. My sister Julie is also expecting in November and my sister in law Alyssa. Alyssa is Jon's brother Aaron's wife. Lots of babies coming this year.

We thank you for continuing to follow Lindsay's blog and for praying for us. We love you all.

2 Years Ago

For some of you this picture may be hard to look at but I thought it was good to show. You may find over the next several weeks that I will post pictures of Lindsay's time in the hospital. I didn't at first want to take any pictures of her like this but now I am glad I did. I know they are hard to look at but these are the last pictures we have of her and we cherish everyone of them.

Yesterday marked 2 years ago that Lindsay had her open heart surgery as well as 2 years ago that we lost another baby to a miscarriage. Yesterday was hard for me and I found myself just missing her and wanting to hold her. I thought a lot about the things that happened 2 years ago the waiting during surgery, waiting to see her, not being prepared to see what she looked like, finally seeing her and hearing and seeing her wanting me to hold her. In fact when we came in the room she raised her hands at me and wanted upies (which we means pick me up) and was saying juice. My heart broke that I couldn't pick her up and run out of there and bring her home so she wouldn't have to go through that. But we did what we felt was best for her and we knew that God was going to bring us through all of it. He brought his through so much, some of it good and some not so good. But God never left us and he stood by us even 2 years later. Even sitting here updating this I am having trouble finding what to write. So many thoughts, so many memories, so much I wish I could say. I am so glad we have a God who loves us so much and gives us so many promises and so many things to look forward to when we get to heaven. I am going to try and update more in the next few weeks as best I can. So check back when you can.

We still can't thank all of the doctor's and nurse's on 8 south and 8 east who took care of Lindsay. We are so thankful for there hard work that they do everyday for kids of all ages.

We have recently found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant!!!!! We are very excited and also a little nervous. As my pregnancies have gone this is the time when I would miscarry. So please pray for the little one growing inside.

Missing Our Bear

The other day I was really missing Lindsay. It all started when I changed my back round picture on our lap top. It is the picture I have at the top of this blog. I was remembering that day at my cousin Jeff's house. We were at our annual Palm Saturday get together with my side of the family. The kids had so much fun playing together and it was fun watching them. Little did any of us know that this was the last time they were all together. I can remembering leaving and everyone saying goodbye and how they would be praying and that Lindsay would be o.k. I truly believed that she would be and that this would have been a quick simple fix and that life would go back to normal. But it didn't and God wanted her in heaven more. As I was looking at the picture I couldn't get over how cute and beautiful she was. So I went upstairs and looked in the bin of clothes to find that out fit. Once I found it I put it on the bear and that's when it hit. Why do I have to dress the bear? I want to dress her, hold her, hear her giggle, see her smile, hear her say Mommy, Daddy, and I could go on. I thought I had my emotions under control and then my sister Julie called at just the right time. I answered but then couldn't speak and she knew something was bothering me. She then told Emma that Aunt Ra~Ra was sad and crying. I could hear Emma get worried and ask why was I crying. Julie told her it was because I was missing Ce~Ce (that's what Emma calls her ), she then said It o.k. Aunt Ra~Ra she will be over in a few days. Well that melted my heart and made me happy again. I guess what I am trying to say is that we still miss her so much. Some days it comes harder than others but we can rejoice that one day we will see her again.

Next month begins 2 years of this journey we are on. I hope to try and blog more and share more of my thoughts. As we look back and reflect on everything that happened we will remember the happy times, the many mini miracles she accomplished, and the many lives that she touched. I know I have said this before but if any of you want to share with us how Lindsay changed your life please do so.

As I close this, tomorrow morning we will be headed to NJ and then to MD on Saturday for our annual Palm Saturday get together. We didn't get together last year so this year will be a little hard. But I know we will be able to get through it because we will be with our family.

Thank you for all your continued prayers for our family. I will be updating Tanner and Case's blog soon on how they are doing.

Walk, Lindsay Bear Baskets, Update On Aunt Jeanne

Jon, Tanner, Case and I as well as 20 other family and friends are once again walking in memory of Lindsay on June 13, 2010 for NSTAR'S walk for Children's Hosptial Boston. As most of you know we were hoping to do this last year but Case decided to come into the world the day before. The rest of the team went and walked but Jon and I stayed behind and got to know Case. So this year we will be there and we are so excited about it. In order for us to do this we need to raise some money. If you are interested in sponsoring one of us here is the links to our pages. Tanner gets to raise money this year and he is very excited about it.

Jon ~ https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gj0106

Tanner~ http://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gt0025

Laura~ http://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gl0040

We are once again starting to collect things for the Lindsay Bear Baskets. My mom, mother in law, my sister, and I got some awesome deals on Valentine's bears for the baskets this past week. We have enough for this round and a start for the next round. If you are interested in helping again please email me at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. We will be putting them together sometime in May with my MOPS group.

My Aunt Jeanne is doing great. She was in the hospital with some blood clots in her leg and arms. They got them under control and she is back home and back to work. The biggest new this week is that her blood test results from the chemo are down to 47 from 937 :). They want them to be at 21 so she can have her surgery. We are all praising the Lord that the numbers are dropping. Please continue to pray for her. I know she appreciates all the prayers she can get.

Thanks again for your continued prayers for our family. Lindsay still lives in all of us and we love and miss her all the time. Case is starting to look like her more and more each day.

We love you all!!!

CHD Awareness Week

This week marks CHD week. CHD stands for Congenital Heart Defect. I thought some of you would be interested in some information about this and can some how raise more awareness for it.

~ CHDs are the #1 birth defect and the #1 cause of infant death related to birth defects. 1 in every 100 babies born will have a CHD (1 in every 800-1000 babies born has Down Syndrome).


~ 1 in 10 of those born with a CHD will have a fatal defect.


~ In the US there are nearly twice as many deaths due to CHDs than that of all forms of childhood cancers combined. Yet there is 5 times more research for pediatric cancer than for CHDs.


~ The cost of inpatient surgery alone for CHDs exceeds 2.2 billion dollars per year.


~ There are approximately 35 known Congenital Heart Defects.


~ Causes for CHDs are still being studied. While there is no known definitive cause, it is said that both genetics and environmental factors can play a role. Scientists have actually identified over 100 mutations that are directly linked to the heart.


~There is no known cure for CHDs. However, the mortality rate after surgery has significantly decreased in the past 20-30 years. On average it is about 5% compared to the 30% it was. At the same time, the rate of incidence of CHDs has remained unchanged.


~ With advances in medicine, many of those born with a CHD will have their first and sometimes only corrective surgery before age 2.


~ Many of those living with a CHD go on to lead normal to near normal lives. Those with complex CHDs will also go on to lead longer and more active lives than before. Most will have some physical limitations, but almost all learn to move pass them.


~ Only about 30% of the children who need a heart transplant receive one in time.


~ About 40,000 units of blood are used every day yet only about 5% of the adults, the only ones who are eligible to donate blood, do so. Someone needs blood every three seconds in the United States; that someone is often one of our heart children.


~ Education is the first step in helping these children live happier, healthier lives!






In honor of this week my very good friend Jessica Twigg who also lost her little boy Ethin is having a basketball game on February 16, 2010 in Newaygo, MI to raise awareness as well as funds to help with CHD research. She asked me to send her a picture of Lindsay as well as a paragraph about her and what her CHD's were. I have to tell you that was hard to do. Because it brought back so many memories and well as just the reality that this has happened and that she is no longer here with us. But I am glad I did it and that she will be remembered during that game. Each team member is playing either in honor of or in memory of a child with a CHD. I am so excited to see how this goes for Jessica and to see pictures. She had special shirts made up and the player will wear a shirt with Lindsay's name. We will then get the shirt sent to us. So look for another update on how it goes and pictures. I thank God for sending Jessica my way. I have been able to chat with her on face book as well as on the phone. I have seen her go through the highs and lows of grief. I hope that in some small way I have helped her during this difficult time in her and our lives. You can check on Ethin's blog here on the right hand side under heart family. Please continue to pray for her.
Thanks Jessica for allowing us to have Lindsay remembered in this game. I know that Ethin and Lindsay are playing and having a great time together in heaven!

Update On Aunt Jeanne

Thank you all for praying for my Aunt. She had her first chemo treatment last week and did great. She has gone back to work for now. I have added her care page on the right hand side under family and friends. Please check there for more updates. She has felt very blessed by all the prayers she has gotten so far.

I have also added some pictures for you to look through from Christmas. I have another one to add later.

12-24-09

Please Pray For My Aunt Jeanne

Our family needs your prayers again. We just found out last night that my Aunt Jeanne has Stage IV ovarian cancer. She is my mom's baby sister. My Aunt is very special to me and I love her very much. We know that God is in control of this whole thing and we are going to trust him that she is going to be ok. Please pray for my Uncle Mark and my cousin's Jeff and Megan. She will be meeting with a surgeon on Monday so I will know more then. So check back for more updates. She is not in any pain and she is healthy. We sometimes don't know why these trials come in our lives but we do know that God loves us and only gives us what we can handle. My Aunt said last night that one thing she learned from my Nanny was that even in the hard time we need to be thankful. I am thankful for my Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Mark. They have been big prayer warriors for us during Lindsay's time in the hospital. They came to visit her which was so special to Jon and I. So now it is our turn to be prayer warriors for her.

Aunt Jeanne,
I love you so very much. I am not going to stop praying for you. God is in control of everything that is happening. We pray for peace for you guys and that you will feel God's presence in every step of the way. We support you and we will be there for you when you need us. Thanks for being such a great Aunt to all of us. Our family has some of the greatest memories together that I will cherish for ever.
Uncle Marker( this is what the our kids call him), Jeff and Meg,
I love all so much to. I am praying for strength and for you as you stand with your Mom and support her in every decision that is made.

Another Christmas In Heaven

I wonder what Christmas is like in heaven? Is there lots of beautiful trees there, lots of lights, snow, and I could go on. A little glimpse would be nice to see what Lindsay is doing on Christmas Eve. I bet they are getting ready for the biggest Christmas birthday party ever. I am sure Me Ma is making up lots of her famous fruit cup as well as her chocolate chips cookies while Nan and Bebe are getting the turkey ready with all our favorite trimmings. I bet Pop-Pop has been making beautiful ornaments for the trees. Grandma Groen has probably gotten all her Christmas letters done which I can imagine is pages long with the growing Groen family. At least this is what I hope is happening in heaven today. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I have so many memories of Christmas mornings when I was a kid. I treasure each and every memory I have. I wish we could have more Christmas memories with Lindsay but I will cherish the ones that we did have with her. In the above picture is Lindsay's last Christmas reading the Christmas story and Twas the night before Christmas with Pop-Pop. I know it's not the greatest picture but it holds a lot of memories for me. My very good friend Rebecca wrote this today on her blog. Rebecca's little girl Annabelle is also in heaven with Lindsay. I love what she wrote;
I am reminded that although we may want things to be different this Christmas, they are the way they are supposed to be...because He planned it this way and because He knew, long before the first Christmas and before the beginning of time, that it was best. He loves us that much...
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Thanks Rebecca for sharing this because this is what I needed to hear.

We want to wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas. We thank you all for continuing to follow this blog and pray for us. We love you all more than you know. May God richly bless you and your family this year.

Before I end I want to leave you with this poem that my new friend Jessica wrote for her son. Ethin is spending his first Christmas is heaven. When I read this the other day I felt like this was Lindsay talking to me. Jessica writes beautiful poems and I love reading them. Thanks Jessica for allowing me to share this with my blogger friends.

The angels are singing up here songs of joyous measure
Songs of a birth songs that many treasure
The tree here is enormous so full and green
It really is the most perfect tree my eyes have ever seen
God took me in his arms today and told me of Jesus’ birth
He shared with me the way you would celebrate on Earth
Mommy I am spending Christmas in Heaven this year
I want you to be happy please do not shed another tear
Jesus’ took all the children here to hills where there is snow
We went sledding and laughter filled the air I thought you’d like to know
The angels taught us all a chorus wow they are amazing
I am here in Heaven spending Christmas with our King
This is hard for you and I want to ease the pain inside your heart
I am here in Heaven spending Christmas, but we are not far apart
Sometimes I worry about you and God tells me you’ll be OK
He told me your going to send a kiss to me on Christmas Day
He tells me all the time how much you miss and love me
When your smiling and having fun I look in on you so I can see
I like it when I get to hear your laugh and see you having fun
As Christmas time approaches remember the gift of God’s son
This is not forever God told me you will be here one day
We will spend Christmas in Heaven together that’s what I heard him say
Until then my Christmas wish mommy I want to share
Hold my blanket and monkey and feel in your heart I am there
I want you to be happy and live your life down there
God’s plan for you is not done I know you think it’s not fair
So just remember that even when you do not seem to understand
Know that I am in Heaven for Christmas holding my Savior’s hand
Your Christmas wish was heard God shared that with me also
He said there was something you wanted me to know
He said that you love me ever passing day and that you miss me too
I am spending Christmas in Heaven and mommy I know this is hard for you
So Merry Christmas mommy I Love You Too please hold that when life is not fun
Love Always, Ethin Your Perfect Heart Angel, Warrior, Punk, and Son

Jessica Twigg
12-19-09


Merry Christmas!!!