Thursday, April 8, 2010

2 Years Ago

For some of you this picture may be hard to look at but I thought it was good to show. You may find over the next several weeks that I will post pictures of Lindsay's time in the hospital. I didn't at first want to take any pictures of her like this but now I am glad I did. I know they are hard to look at but these are the last pictures we have of her and we cherish everyone of them.

Yesterday marked 2 years ago that Lindsay had her open heart surgery as well as 2 years ago that we lost another baby to a miscarriage. Yesterday was hard for me and I found myself just missing her and wanting to hold her. I thought a lot about the things that happened 2 years ago the waiting during surgery, waiting to see her, not being prepared to see what she looked like, finally seeing her and hearing and seeing her wanting me to hold her. In fact when we came in the room she raised her hands at me and wanted upies (which we means pick me up) and was saying juice. My heart broke that I couldn't pick her up and run out of there and bring her home so she wouldn't have to go through that. But we did what we felt was best for her and we knew that God was going to bring us through all of it. He brought his through so much, some of it good and some not so good. But God never left us and he stood by us even 2 years later. Even sitting here updating this I am having trouble finding what to write. So many thoughts, so many memories, so much I wish I could say. I am so glad we have a God who loves us so much and gives us so many promises and so many things to look forward to when we get to heaven. I am going to try and update more in the next few weeks as best I can. So check back when you can.

We still can't thank all of the doctor's and nurse's on 8 south and 8 east who took care of Lindsay. We are so thankful for there hard work that they do everyday for kids of all ages.

We have recently found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant!!!!! We are very excited and also a little nervous. As my pregnancies have gone this is the time when I would miscarry. So please pray for the little one growing inside.


GrannyApple said...

Oh my heart has been aching. Just to have you and Jon hold her one more time and capture the picture in our minds and heart would be a true gift from God. I think I have gone over every minute of yesterday and last night. I can smell the cubie, I can see Lindsay, I can remember the events so exactly of that first night with her after surgery. I can remember JoAnna and the doctors. I can even hear Dr. Sarah's voice as she explained to me what was happening to Lindsay during the night hours. Oh to change those thoughts and memories. But God in HIS wisdom knew what was best for us and Lindsay. Knowing that she is laughing and playing and being held by Jesus is comforting but it still hurts and makes me cry.
Laura and Jon, know that we walk this road for the next six weeks and beyond together and Jesus is right there with us, and Lindsay too. Praying always that God would give you peace and happy memories through the tears.
I love you all very much. Lindsay, Granny, misses you and will hold your bear wearing your pink outfit closer to my heart today.

GarretJulie said...

I can remember exactly where I was when I got the call that she was out of surgery. I was in the car. I don't remember where I was going but I just remember Dad calling me. I remember talking to you that morning before surgery and us both just crying.
I too, can recount everything that happened in those 6 weeks and even more so the 2 times I was there. Just the other day I found in my pantry closet a journal that I was keeping. Everytime we got a phone call I wrote everything down so that I could pass on the information. When I found it, I shut it and said, Wow I can't read this. I will not throw it away. In fact if you want it, you can have it. I love you guys so much and will be praying for you in these next 6 weeks. Each year I don't think the pain of this time of year will go away. But it only brings us closer to the day when we will see her again.
Lindsay, oh how we miss you. I miss you even more when all the kids are together. I miss you with Emma... I miss seeing you two play together. Oh the trouble you wouold be getting into. You have a special place in Emma's heart. We love you so much and long for the day when you will be reunited with your mommy and daddy and brothers and the rest of us! But until then, you are in my heart!!!! Love you

Carrie said...

My heart has been aching as well... I can only cry right now... Laura, you know how I feel about your family (your whole family). I know in my heart you are all a blessing from God!

I will continue to lift you all in prayer, I will continue to hold all of you close to my heart...

Auntie Carrie loves you Lindsay Bear, I miss you pretty girl...

Anonymous said...

Seems like Lindsay was making sure she would be comfortable with a halo on!
I can only try to imagine the heartache your feeling. I know sometimes it is hard for me to talk with Ed Wilson, Keith Tabor or Bob Bennett because they all were my Dads friends and it makes me miss him even more. He was such a combination of all of them! And I love(d) him so much! Time will help, it has with me! It doesn't make it go away it just dulls it a little.
I wont give you a Bible verse because I know you have burried many tears in verses so here is something different for you all:

A change from woe to joy--
from earth to heaven--
Death gives me this;
it leads me calmly where
The souls that long ago from mine were riven
May meet again!
death answers many a prayer.
Bright day, shine on! be glad; days brighter far
Are stretched before my eyes than those of mortals are.
--Robert Nicoll

we will meet up with our beloved when God calls us home... we're all in His hands! love you all

Anonymous said...

Hi Laura and Family,

I continue to pray for God's peace and protection for you and your precious family.

So happy to hear about your new arrival in December. God Bless you and your family, and I pray that God will keep you all safe in his loving arms.

I enjoy so much seeing your beautiful children's pictures.

Much Love and Prayers to you,

grammie said...

I remember those days with your family as well. I remember thinking that a family with the faith you have should not have to bear that weight. Our hearts broke with yours as we were thanking God it was not ours. We only got to know Lindsey through you, but our Elijah is happily playing with her today. These days , months , hours are such a struggle. We miss our Angels so much.Know that you are in our prayers and you are not alone in your feelings. The pain of losing our children(grandchildren) seems to just get worse instead of better. Oh what I would give to erase it all and have our babies back-to watch Janet and Chris live happily with Elijah instead of with their growing agony. I will keep searching for answers that may other families through Elijah's Legacy as long as there is breath in me.God has bound our families in an odd way-know that we pray for you.