I have been having a hard time today trying to decide what to write. My thoughts have been all over the place today. My thoughts have gone back to this day and remembering each and every part of the day. Remembering how today was the last day she was in our arms, what she looked like, all those that were with us when we said goodbye. Our broken hearts and empty arms and the longing to have her back for just one more day. Even going back and watching her memorial service and feeling like it was just yesterday this all happened. And while all these thoughts are going on taking care of the boys and rejoicing in how blessed we are. Even though Lindsay isn't here she is and will always be in our hearts. I see her in her brothers, in her Daddy's eyes, in her cousin Emma's thoughts, in the lives she touched. There is some of Lindsay in all of us and that makes me happy. It still doesn't take away the pain in our hearts and in our arms but it keeps us going.
This weekend my sister Julie and her husband Garrett came for a visit. It was so much fun to have them come and for Tanner, Case, Wyatt to get to play with Emma, Ethan, Weston. I loved watching them all play but it broke my heart when the boys would be playing and there was no Ce~Ce for Emma. I felt so bad and even a little mad at God for a bit as to why Lindsay couldn't still be here for Emma. I am sure they would have been the best of friends. Emma will always have a special place in my heart and as I call her my baby girl :).
Tanner has picked the above picture of him and Lindsay. He said that is one of his favorite pictures of them. I also asked what he misses the most about Lindsay and his response was playing in the sand box at our mobile home. I am sure he has many favorite memories but this is what I got out of him today.
I was telling Jon earlier today how I have felt like I let Lindsay down today because I didn't do anything for her. His response was she needs nothing and she knows we are missing her :). Oh, how true that is.
3 years ago today Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of earth and opened her eyes in heaven. Oh, what she must have seen.
Lindsay,
Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, Case, Wyatt miss you more than ever. We have spent the day thinking of you and remembering all the fun times we had with you. We wish you were still here with us so you could play with your brothers. We are so glad that we are your parents and that God gave you to us. You have and are still continuing to change people and bring them to Jesus. We love you so much Lindsay Bear and we look forward to the day when we can all be together with you in heaven. When I miss you the most I just pick up Case as he reminds me so much of you. His hugs bring a smile to my face and sometimes I just imagine that I am holding you. As you can see my thoughts are every where. But I couldn't let today go by with out writing something.
She has fought the good fight, She has finished the race, We have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will reward to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8
7 comments:
I've thought about you all today and especially thinking of Lindsay. I so often think of her dancing at church during the singing of a hymn. Such a special joy she brought to my heart. The smiles she brought to our faces and the sadness her death brought to so many hearts. Thank you God for the friendships started through her suffering and death. Much love and prayers during this time.
Susie and Steve
It's true, "there is some of Lindsay in all of us." As I get older, there are not all that many things I recall with absolute clarity, but I remember exactly where I was three years ago today. It was a mild spring day, and the trees were in full bright bloom as I walked through Prescott Park - a whole garden of pink for Lindsay. Thinking of you often through these days, Jon, Laura, Tanner and Case and Wyatt.
Susanna
Remembering lots of things, smells, sounds, words, singing. Precious memories. I miss her tons but I do know she is alive and well. Thank you Jesus. Sending my love to all of you. Lindsay, Granny can't wait to spend a long time with you. :)
Just like Susanna, I remember just where I was and just what I was doing on this day three years ago. Lindsay's hospital stay and then passing prompted a close intamite prayer life with God. Greg and I had never really prayed as a couple before. I remember what it felt like to fall on my knees and turn to God, seeking answers and comfort. I can't share in words how I felt and what I experianced through that first time praying with my husband there at my side. Yes, it is very true. "There is some of Lindsay in all of us!"
I love you
I clearly remember that day as if it was yesterday. Questioning how I could get there as fast as I could to just see her sweet little face one last time. I remember, praying and praying that I would make it there in time. I didnt get there and I will NEVER forget the LONG trip that we took to get to NH. We hit traffic on EVERY road, it POURED! We had moments of quiet and tears and moments of smiles. I remember hugging Emma before we left and just wanting to know WHY, WHY did this happen.
Everything to me is so clear about the visit's I made those two times and the couple day stay we had there. I too, so longed for Lindsay to be there this weekend. I wished to see them playing dolls or dress up. It breaks my heart to know that Emma is with all these boys. I am thankful for her though and that you two have a very special relationship that you will always have. I long for that Aunt/Niece relationship.
Lindsay, Aunt Julie loves you so very much! I miss you and think of you just about every day. I can't wait for the day that we can be together again. I am so thankful that Emma talks about you and knows JUST who you are. I love all the questions she has about you! I love you with all my heart!!
Aunt Julie
She is beautiful...I can't imagine how much you miss her. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. ♥Stacy
Lindsay touched even people that never met her. Listening to Bill McQueen pray and weep the night that Wyatt was in the hospital was as if he knew Lindsay. She lives on in our hearts!
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