Weeping At Night But Joy Comes In The Morning

That's how I was feeling last night was very weepy. Wondering why God had to take her from us and what did we do that she had to go to heaven. I was wanting to hold her close, see her smile, hear her say Daddy and Mommy, let Tanner play with her, and the list goes on. But then I had to stop and remember that God took her for a reason. I sure wish we would knew sometimes why but we just have to trust Him. Then this morning I woke up and felt a little more joy in remembering all the happy times we had and that makes me smile. I have put some pictures of Lindsay by the kitchen sink so that every time I wash dishes I can see her smiling back at me. She is missed so much in our house and we love her and miss her more each and every day.

We got this card today and I want to share it with you.

As you go through this.....

Difficult things can cause us to ask,

"Why did this happen?"

we never need to ask,

"How could He let this happen?"

God may reveal

all His reasons to us,

but He has revealed

His character to us.

His character assures us that

He never makes mistakes,

is never uncaring,

and that He never separates Himself

from our need.

The need you face is great,

but the grace that is yours

in Christ is even greater.

May your heart and your faith

stay fixed upon Him

as you go through this difficulty.

Be assured that He is holding your hand and will NEVER let it go!!

I was so encouraged after reading this card. How fitting this was to get after last night. Thank you Aunt Connie and Uncle Bob Wood for this card!! Thank you Lord for never letting go of our hands!!

LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN

Thank you for praying for Jon, Laura and Tanner as they went through the first of many diffiuclt "special" days. While it was a very emotional time for all of us, the kids were strong and I know that God's grace is what helped them to get through Lindsay's first birthday.

The blog went over 44,000 hits sometime last night. We know that many of you are still checking the blog on a regular basis, but please, don't just visit, write a note to the kids. Your words of encouragement are so much needed as they walk through their time of grief.

I am humbled and happy to announce that the Board of Trustees of America's KESWICK have established a memorial fund in Lindsay's memory, and the fund will be used to refurbish our aging playground. There is a team of folks that are in the process of developing a new playground that will be dedicated in Lindsay's memory. Our Board Chairman, Howard Bateman, has named the new playground, LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN.

If you would like to make a donation to the project, make your check payable to AMERICA'S KESWICK and designate it for the playground. You can send your check to:

America's KESWICK
601 Route 530
Whiting, NJ 08759

We will keep you posted on the progress.

Have a great day!

Happy Father's Day Daddy, Pop-Pop, Grandpa

Happy Father's Day! Today I am sure will be another hard day for us all. Lindsay's birthday was hard enough but we all got through it. We had a pizza party and then let off 13 balloons into the sky. We attached little pieces of paper to them saying that if they land in your yard to write on the blog. We sang Happy Birthday to her as they went up into heaven. I hope she was watching them fly. When we were letting them go there was some clearing in the sky where you could see some blue. So I think she was wacthing all the pretty balloons.

Jon, Thanks for being the best Daddy to Tanner and Lindsay. They love you more than you know and look up to you. God has given them to us and I am so glad he chose you and I to be there parents. Always remember that even though Lindsay is in heaven that she will always be Daddy's little girl and your Lindsay bear.

Dad W, Thanks for being the best Pop-Pop to Tanner, Lindsay, Emma, Ethan, Sam, they could ever have. They all love you and adore you. We are all thankful that God has given them such a great Pop. Thanks for all you do for all of us by loving and supporting us. Thanks also for being the best Dad to the rest of us.

Dad G, Thanks for being the best Grandpa to Tanner, Lindsay, Ariel, Isaac. They love and adore you more than you know. We are thankful that God has given them a Grandpa like you. Thanks for being such a great Dad to all the boys and to us girls. Thanks for all your wisdom and for all your love in supporting us all.

Just think what a day Lindsay is having with our heavenly Father. And she is getting to spend Father's Day with all our Grandpa's in heaven.

Happy Birthday Lindsay Bear

Well the sun is shining here in New Hampshire. I so wish that Lindsay were here so we could have a big party with lots of balloons and cake. But she is having a bigger party in heaven today. I again wish heaven had skylights so we could all see her party with Jesus. Just before Lindsay was born my thinking had changed that she was a boy. But when she came out and Dr. Mulder said it was a girl I didn't believe him. We were so surprised and so happy to have a little girl. She was a joy from the minute she was born. Her smile lit up a room and her bear hugs were the best and she had her daddy's blue eyes. Lindsay Bear Mommy and Daddy and Tanner miss you so much and we love you so much. We hope your birthday in heaven is really special today. We will never forget you and who you were and not a day will go by that we won't think about you. Happy Birthday Lindsay!!!

Two Years Ago Tonight

Two years ago today Jon and I were at Luverne Community Hospital settling in and getting excited about baby # 2. We were excited to see if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. I had a dream that we were having a girl but was stilling thinking that it would be a boy. Little did we know that God had already had his plan for Lindsay and her life. As I sit here and think about her it makes me miss her so much. I am wishing she was here so we could have a party for her and help her celebrate her special day. I wonder what it's like in heaven to have a birthday. I am sure she will have the best birthday she has ever had. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day as we remember her and the day she entered this world. But knowing that she left this world and woke up in the arms of Jesus is the best gift she gets on her birthday! Thanks Lord for giving us Lindsay for the 24 months we had her. Lindsay was born at 12:09 a.m. and weighing 7lbs 5oz and was 21 in long.

She's Got Her Father's Eyes

The past few days I have been thinking about Jon and Lindsay and was reminded of an old Amy Grant song, MY FATHER'S EYES. Looking at pictures of Lindsay, you can't help but notice that she has her Daddy's eyes!

Jon of all the Dad's God could have given Lindsay, he chose the best when he chose YOU! He knew she'd need a special Daddy, and He gave her one that Lindsay could look at because you have your Heavenly Father's eyes!

I have found myself humming through Amy Grant's song, My Father's Eyes

I may not be every mother's
dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind
of everyone in the world.

But that's all right,

as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life,
I want to hear them say,
She's got her father's eyes,
Her father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things,
When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help,
When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,
My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay

for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone.
And when you're called to stand and
tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be,

She had her father's eyes, Her father's eyes;
Eyes that found the good in things,
When good was not around;
Eyes that found the source of help,
When help would not be found;
Eyes full of compassion,

Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through,

And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

When Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of heaven and opened them in heaven, looking into the face of Jesus, I think she just might of said, "I know you! You've got my Father's eyes!" We love you, Jon.

If Heaven Had Skylights

I was sitting at the computer the other day thinking about Lindsay and missing her. I then began wishing that heaven had a skylight so that I could look up and see what she is doing. Or simply hear her talk to me and how she has grown. I am sure she is having a great time playing and meeting new friends her age. I bet all our grandparents are taking care of her and telling her stories. We miss Lindsay so much and look forward to one day having Jesus putting her back into our arms. I miss her hugs, her smile, her laughter, and everything about her. Mrs. Jager has told us to always keep Lindsay's memory alive and always talk about her in the present not in the past. I have been trying to do that every time I talk about her. God has been showing us how her little life is changing people and that is exciting to see. To know that our baby girl has touched so many lives and she is still doing that is amazing. Dad W told me the other day that Lindsay's book is still being written.
So if heaven had skylights I hope she is watching us and smiling. Lindsay, Mommy misses you more than you know and I love you so much!

Lindsay Keeps Speaking

I thought you'd be encouraged to hear how Lindsay's life keeps speaking volumes:

Dear Bill,
I was asked to write an article for the TCF newsletter for Redlands about my feelings as I walked through Lindsay's illness and ultimate death with you.

The article will be sent to about 250 Christian, Jewish, and non-Christian bereaved families as well as area professionals. I wanted to share this article with you. I hope you like it.

PLEASE, DON'T LET IT BE WASTED

I remember the moment vividly. We were driving toward Kansas when my cell phone rang. It was Bill, the Executive Director of America’s Keswick where we spend our summers. On April 7 his 22 month old granddaughter Lindsay had undergone open heart surgery. I had just read on her blog that morning that she was doing much better and had even taken a short ride in a hospital wagon. However, as I heard Bill’s voice, I knew something was terribly wrong. Bill explained that Lindsay had experienced cardiac arrest just shortly before he called on April 15. The medical staff was able to revive her, but, of course, the situation was critical. For the next month, the family experienced the typical roller coaster that many of us have gone through. One day Lindsay was showing improvement, the next moment Lindsay would have a set back and her condition was dire. On May 16 Lindsay went to Heaven with her family present. Her pain was over, but her family’s forever pain was just beginning.

Have you noticed how detailed my report is? I sound like a bereaved parent, don’t I? Well, of course, you know that I am a bereaved parent, and I felt like a bereaved parent as we walked through this difficult journey with Bill’s family. I remember the dates of the significant events just as her family would.

Mostly, I remembered…. I remembered the shock, the pain, the prayers, the confusion, and the frustration of the roller coaster…all of the emotions that a bereaved parent goes through.

I also remember my prayer, Dear Lord, Please don’t let Lindsay die. I know the pain, and I know the journey the family will have to walk. Father, I don’t think I can handle the pain I will see in the family’s eyes.

Does that sound like a selfish prayer? Perhaps it was, but I have been there. I know the journey the family will walk through. Oh, how I wish I didn’t know. I describe someone who has experienced the loss of a family member as one who has lost their innocence. I don’t want any of my friends to qualify for that description.

As my three children died, I prayed the same prayer each time, Don’t let this be wasted. I have had a chance to talk with some of Lindsay’s family and to share my books with them. My boys will be remembered as I share my story and what I have learned along the way. Their lives have not been wasted.

While I never want anyone to experience the pain of losing a child, I am grateful that I can be available to take their hand and say,

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE STEP,
THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO DO TODAY.

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE LITTLE STEP
BY REACHING OUT YOUR HAND TO SOMEONE ELSE.

SOME OF US HAVE WALKED THIS PATH BEFORE YOU,
IT’S A ROUGH PATH, A VERY, VERY TOUGH PATH,
BUT WE CAN MAKE IT.

HANG ON TO ME AND I’LL HANG ON TO YOU.
WE MAY STUMBLE, WE MAY EVEN FALL.

BUT WE’LL GET UP AGAIN,
AND WE’LL START WITH JUST ONE STEP,
YOUR HANDS LINKED WITH MINE.

WE’LL MAKE IT. YES, WE CAN MAKE IT.
ALL OF US TOGETHER,
JUST ONE STEP AT A TIME.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, By Marilyn Willett Heavilin, July, 1995
This article was written in memory of Lindsay Alice Groen, June 14, 2006 to May 16, 2008

Lindsay's Legacy Continues ...

Yesterday we had our monthly hymnsing at America's KESWICK with 560 attendees. I had the opportunity to share Lindsay's story with them at the end of the session, and afterwards 12 senior citizens prayed to receive Christ as their Savior.

I cannot even remember how many people came up to me to share how they had been praying for Lindsay and the kids.

Robert and Joyce Hayes are a vital part of our ministry. Robert recorded a lullaby CD that all of our grands use when they go to bed. One of the precious songs they have recorded and share in their concerts is a poem written by Patty Fischer:

This Side of Heaven

This side of heaven there are some things I simply will not know
When I will ask the question, "why?" and no answer can be found.
When dreams are dashed and plans are spoiled,
And I don't understand, I'll trust in His unchanging grace
And rest within His hand.

One day I'll stand before His throne,
And worship at His feet.
That day He'll make his purpose known,
and I will be complete.
For in that moment I will know,
His plan for me was given.
Not for my brief stay here on earth,
but for my home in heaven.

For even as I'm struggling through,
Life's brutal dessert heat,
He floods me with amazing grace,
and fills my heart with peace.

This darkened side of heaven's doors
He'll fill with glorious light,
Revealing His great master plan
and there'll be no more night.
Until that day, I'll walk by faith
His purposes are best,
His love and grace have planned my life
And in that truth I'll rest.
Patty Fischer

Lindsay, we love you and miss you so much!

Update

Today is Jon's first day back to work. Please be praying for both Jon and Laura as this is a difficult day of transition.

We continue to hear stories of how Lindsay's life has impacted people. If you would like to share your story, please email it to me so that I can post it on the blog: keswickexe@akmail.org

May God bless you.

Prayer for the kids

Laura, Warren and Phyllis, attended a memorial service at Children's Hospital in Boston on Thursday night. It was a very meaningful and special service.

Today there is a group of folks from Dover Baptist coming over to help Jon with work outside of their house. We are so grateful for the love, support and care that the folks from Dover have provided to the kids.

Please pray for Laura as she was having a very difficult time last night. While we know that this is a part of the grieving process, the reality of Lindsay being in heaven is sinking in. I know that your prayers and notes of encouragement will mean so much right now.

Can you believe that the blog has gone over 41,000+ hits. Wow.

Memorial Service Video

Here is the link to view Lindsay's Memorial Service. We appreciate Dover Baptist Church for making this available for our "Blog Family!"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1640945491895702578&hl=en

Don't Stop Writing

I was amazed and pleased this morning to see that the blog is fast approaching 40,000 hits! I don't know why I am so amazed, but I is so humbling for us to see how you are still standing with Laura, Jon, and Tanner.

Some of you have walked through the valley of grief and can give testimony to the fact that God saw you THROUGH the preparations, viewing, funeral, and the aftermath of activities related to the "funeral" process. God's sustaining grace has certainly been a reality for all of us.

And God WILL be faithful to see the kids through this next phase. Often He uses His people to help come alongside of grieving families to encourage and lift up.

The kids took a few days to get away -- just the three of them. They are trying to adapt to a new "normal." Normal is going to look very different for months to come.

I want to encourage you today -- send a word of encouragement to Jon, Laura and Tanner today. As one grief writer said, "It's after the flowers are gone that we need each other!"

Thanks for being an encourager!

A Testimony of Impact

We are starting to hear stories of how Lindsay's life has had a impact on people's lives. As we hear them, we will put them on the blog for your encouragement.

The following article was written by the Mom of our "adopted" son, Brian Bitler. Sherry serves on the full-time staff at Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church in Bear, Delaware. Our family attended the church during the years we served at Sandy Cove Ministries.

SHORT BUT SWEET
This week, Butch and I (and Ellen and JoLynn) took turns watchingour two young grandsons from New Jersey. Their mom and dad were at Children's Hospital in Boston with their dear friends who were watching their precious 22 month old fight for her life.

From Tuesday through Friday, they sat with them, helped them care for their 3 year old son, brought food, read encouragement from the Word, shared wisdom(our daughter-in-law is a critical care heart nurse at Deborah Heart and Lung Hospital), cried with them, prayed, and prayed more.

Friday afternoon at 1 PM little Lindsay’s heartgave out, she took her last breath on earth and entered Heaven. Here at home, we went about the usual things a 3 year oldand a 5 year old do....and don't do. Each of us in the family trying to fit this unexpected visit into our schedule, privileged to be even an indirect part of ministry to this hurting family. In the evenings after the house was once again quiet, we would check the blog for the latest information on Lindsay. We would also talk on the phone with our son. We would pray.

I am amazed at how much this tiny little life has touched me - and I have never met her. I am amazed at the compassion I feel for this family- the mom I have known since she was a young girl, but haven't seen in years - the dad I have never met. They are probably 25 years old. Such a heavy burden. I am so thankful they belong to Him and have strong, Christian family to help hold them through the grief.

Worshipping on Sunday morning, totally aware that Lindsay is with Jesus; and that her parents and grandparents have a painful hole in their hearts that will never be filled until they are in Heaven with her, was heart wrenching and I could not hold the tears. Sometimes singing praises to Him also lets the pain and the lack of understanding seep out. I could feel myself intentionally and deliberately pronouncing the words of PRAISE and TRUST and ADORATION as if I could force myself to overcome the disappointment that God didn't provide a miracle for this family by verbalizing what I know is true - begging my mind to override my emotion.

We serve a sovereign God - sometimes that is a great comfort, sometimes that is very difficult to bear. But it is truth. Lam. 3:31-32 - Men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

I am thankful Lindsay's story pointed me to this verse this week. I am thankful her grandparents took the time to share her story with us in the midst of their pain. I am praying for all the lives she touched and thankful for the Kingdom building that was accomplished through her short life on earth. Someday, I will understand more.

http://www.grpc.org/announcements/RP-5-22-08.pdf

Thanks, Sherry, for sharing this testimony.

How Beautiful Heaven Must Be

I woke up last night around 1:00 AM and was having a hard time processing all the events of the past seven weeks. We had left our radio on and it was tuned to the XMradio southern gospel station, ENLIGHTEN (don't tell anyone I was listening to southern gospel.) It "just so happened" that the song being aired at that time was an old song, HOW BEAUTIFUL HEAVEN MUST BE. It really ministered to my heart in a special way.

This morning when I was having my quiet time, I was reminded that today is the anniversary of our BeBe's (Jan's Aunt) graduation to heaven several years ago. BeBe loved our kids as if they were her own grandkids. She never had the joy of meeting Lindsay. But using my sanctified imagination, I have a sneaky suspicion that she was standing in line waiting to welcome Lindsay home!

Lindsay Bear, Pop-Pop misses you so much!

We read of a place that’s called heaven,

It’s made for the pure and the free;

These truths in God’s Word He hath given,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Refrain:

How beautiful heaven must be,

Sweet home of the happy and free;

Fair heaven of rest for the weary,
How beautiful heaven must be.

In heaven no drooping nor pining,

No wishing for elsewhere to be;

God’s light is forever there shining,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Pure waters of life there are flowing,

And all who will drink may be free;

Rare jewels of splendor are glowing,

How beautiful heaven must be.

The angels so sweetly are singing,

Up there by the beautiful sea;

Sweet chords from their gold harps are ringing,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Lindsay Bear slideshow

Here is a link to view the 25 minute slideshow that my brother Aaron whipped up for the service last night. It ran from 5:30 to 7:30, so if you were not there last night, or didn't come early.....here's the place to check it out.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8936589920461662266&hl=en

Wednesday Morning Update

Thank you for praying for Laura, Jon, and Tanner last night. The Lord gave strength, peace and comfort. The Memorial Service was a wonderful tribute to Lindsay's legacy, and most of all, the Lord received the glory!

A thrill for Laura and Jon was to have three of their nurses from Children's Boston Hospital present. (Left to right -- Auntie Moira (Meow), Lauren, Joanna). We are so thankful for the loving care that they provided not only to Lindsay, but also to Jon, Laura, Tanner, Warren & Phyllis, and Jan.

We also want to thank the many ladies from MOPS who have supported Laura and the family with cookies, goodies, and most all, lots of hugs. Laura is going to need you all now more than ever! Keep lovin' her.

Watch the blog for information as to when the DVD/CD of the memorial service will be available. We will also be posting the power point presentation that was prepared by Jon's brother, Aaron. Great job, Aaron!

Over 140 people were watching the simulcast last night. Thanks to Dover Baptist Church for providing this service as well as taking care of the e-giving, food, providing the facility for our use. Thanks, Pastor Ken and Cindy, for all you have done for our kids.

It was good to meet so many of our "blogger" family last night. God used Lindsay to create a special family that have rejoiced when we rejoiced and have wept with us as we have wepts. Your prayers and encouragement have been a huge blessing to us.

We will be keeping the blog open so that our family can post entries from time to time. I am checking on how you can receive email notification when a new entry is made on the blog.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for taking this journey with us. In closing, here is the poem that our daughter, Julie, read last night. The original poem was written by Jan's Mom who lost a little girl. The kids adapted the poem for Lindsay:

Lord, we gave our little girl to Thee

before she breathed a breath

But e’re she came into the world

she soon bowed her head in death

And though we know not why Lord,

we know it’s in your plan.

And someday in the glory,

we’ll know and understand.
For she belonged to you Lord,

right from the very start,

And when you took her from us,

it nearly broke our heart.

And Lord it wasn’t easy

as the tears flowed down our face

And yet we felt Thy Presence

and Thy overflowing GRACE.

The hours, as they dragged along,

seemed endless it is true,

And still in spite of all the pain

we knew you’d see us through.

We knew because You promised

and You’re faithful to Your Word

And lots of folks were praying

and we knew that You had heard.
How folks can live without YOU,

Lord, is a mystery,

They’ll trust in almost anything

instead of faith in THEE.

They’ll trust in their religion

or in anything man made

When all they need is Jesus

who died their soul to save.
So thank you Lord for courage,

for strength and grace from Thee

And help us keep on trusting

till someday HER face we see.

God bless you.

Tuesday Morning Update

Thank you again for the outpouring of love and support that have been shown to Laura, Jon and Tanner. Tonight is the memorial service for Lindsay Bear and I know that the kids will appreciate your prayers.

Thanks to the folks at Dover Baptist Church, you will be able to listen to the service tonight by visiting this website: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/lindsaybear The service will begin approximately at 7:30 PM.

We will try and put a link for the service on the blog for those of you that can't get hear it through the church link, and can send you a CD upon request.

I would also encourage you to listen to today's SONGTIME broadcast with Dr. John DeBrine. He gave us an opportunity to share some of the things we have learned through this experience:

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Songtime/archives.asp?bcd=5/20/2008

Keep your blogs coming! They are encouraging the kids and all of the family. We love you.

Sunday Update

We appreciate the outpouring of love, encouragement, and prayers that have been extended to the kids. Several folks have emailed to ask how you can minister to the kids. Here are several suggestions:

1. If you'd like to send a card to Laura, Jon and Tanner, here is their address.

1226 First Crown Point Road
Strafford, NH 03884

2. One of our friends suggested that people still buy bracelets ($5.00) as a reminder to pray for the kids. She said she turned her bracelet inside out and just have the pink side showing. For those of you that have gone through grief, you know that it is after the services and flowers are gone, that it is the hardest.

3. Send Tanner a card. I know that he is going to really miss Lindsay.

Later on today we will post directions to the church. I am also going to see if the church will record the service so that we can put the audio on the blog for those of you that would be interested.

I know that each night the kids are reading through the blog entries. Thank you for doing that.

Lindsay's Memorial Service

Thank you for your continued prayers for Laura, Jon and Tanner. God's grace IS sufficient and He is giving them His peace and comfort.

The service for Lindsay will be as follows:

Tuesday, May 2o, 2008 at Dover Baptist Church

5:30-7:30 PM -- Visitation for family and friends
7:30 PM -- Memorial Service
Interment will be private at a later date.

Dover Baptist is located at 151 Washington Street, Dover, New Hampshire
You can sign onto the church website for directions: doverbaptistchurch.org

In lieu of flowers, you can send Memorial Gifts to the Lindsay Groen Memorial Fund through Dover Baptist Church.

If you cannot attend the service, you can leave a message on the blog. The kids are reading every message.