Back Up And Running

Well I am back and happy to be able to blog again. A lot has happened since I last blogged and I will share more about that later on. I just wanted to let you all know (if there is still anyone that checks this) that I will be writing again. Thanks to a friend we now have a new computer which is way easier to type on then my phone. I have had lots on my mind to share and can't wait to share with you. (none of these include a new baby in case you were wondering) :).

We are all doing well and enjoying our new life here in MN. It's fun to be back here and reconnect with family and friends again. God opened doors for us and provided for us as always. Thanks to those who still pray for us and who still continue to remember our Lindsay Bear. 

Before I go I do have one little story to share about our girl. The other night we made a trip to the new Costco that just opened up. I always carry a spare pacifier in the diaper bag in case one is needed for a unhappy child. The one that is in there is one of the last ones that Lindsay had and I think even used. Sydney had been using it in the store and when we were ready to leave I couldn't find it. When we got out to the car I asked Jon if he knew where it was and he didn't. I know it's just a pacifier but for some reason I needed to find it. So I made him go back to where he left our cart to see if it still was in there. Thankfully it was and I was so glad to have found it but after that the tears wouldn't stop. I kept thinking how silly this was that I was crying over it but knew it was one of the last things she used and I couldn't bring myself to not find it or have it with me. Then I got to thinking about how much I missed her and how much it still hurts. But then a little voice called out at me from the back seat saying Mom. When I turned around to see Sydney using this same pacifier smiling at me from behind it, I knew that I would be ok and that Lindsay will always be with us no matter what. 

Always thinking of you Lindsay Bear!!!

She Is Still Remembered

This month is well known as CHD awareness month. All heart Mom's know all two well about this and they want to spread the word to others so they can be aware of this disease. On Fridays during the month some have worn red to remember those who are affected by a CHD or who have lost some one to it and to spread awareness to others. 

This morning as I checked my Facebook my Aunt Jeanne's status said that she was wearing red today in memory of Lindsay. Let me tell you that tears started coming and my heart was blessed. I love my Aunt Jeanne very much and she has been so special to me through out the years. To know that she did this today was just awesome. She has been battling cancer but with God's almighty hand He has brought her through so much. I am so thankful for all that He has done in her life and all that he going to continue to do. She is an inspiration to us all.
Later on when I checked she had posted a picture of her and her coworkers which said; Wearing red in memory of Lindsay Bear. Here is the picture she posted. Which again brought tears :)

-Thank you Aunt Jeanne for remembering Lindsay today. I am so thankful that she had you as her great Aunt. I always want to say that we greatly appreciate when you and Uncle Mark made the trip to Boston to visit her and us. Even though you had a ruff trip you stuck it out. You will never know how much this meant to us. 

I love you with all my heart ~ Laura~

My Faith Is Like Shifting Sand

I listened to this song today from a Caedmon's Call cd. As I sat and sang along I couldn't help but think that this is totally how my faith can be at times. Sometimes it can be changed by every wave but then I stand on grace. Time and time again my faith is being tested by so many things in life. It could be little things that are going on or big things that are going on. Just like the waves come ashore and then washes out that is God taking what ever is bothering me and taking them away.
I just looked up what the lyrics to this song are truly about. Here is what it says;

This song is written from the perspective of someone who realizes his own weakness in regards to his faith. Like all Christians, he struggles with feeling strong of heart one moment, and faithlessly succumbing to his own desires the next. By the end of the song, he has realized that the foundation for his relationship with God is not his own faith, which wavers, but God’s Grace, which doesn’t change.

As I sat this morning on the computer looking through pictures of Lindsay I started to cry because I miss her so much. Then I found a few videos that I have on Facebook that I knew I just needed to see. I wanted to see her alive and smiling, laughing, and just being cute. But that just made it harder because now all I wanted was her. To hold her, hug her, talk to her, fix her hair, dress her up to match Sydney, watch her play, and I could go on. Wyatt was sitting next to me watching so I called Case over. He instantly knew that Tanner was in these videos but thought Lindsay was Wyatt. My heart broke just a little more as I told him no this is your sister Lindsay. I could tell by watching him that he was trying to process this. I sat and cried a little more knowing that he will never know her until we get to heaven. I know that he is still a little young to comprehend this but I can't wait until he is old enough to tell him more about her. After all this I once again go through in my mind all the why's and why her, why our family, and just like that my faith is slightly shifted. But then I remember that we can't change anything about what has happened and that we still need to trust that God had and still has a plan for her life and for ours. We need to stand on grace and know that his grace isn't ever going to change.  It says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10;  My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak I am strong. 
God must have known I needed to read that whole verse just now. I was only going to write verse 9 but then I kept reading. I will let you read the words and listen to  this song and maybe it will speak to some one like it spoke to me today.  You will have to pause my song list to hear the song.

Lindsay is never far from my thoughts and always on my heart.

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious

And like a consumer I’ve been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my fifteen minutes of faith
Then I’d be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I’ve begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I’ve seen so much
And I explained it away

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It’d been there all the time

The Faces Of My Sister And Brothers

Just a few pictures of the kids.

The Battle Belongs To The Lord

I miss her more everyday.

I have to admit that lately I have had many battles. Some of them are silly little ones and some to me seem big. Most of them have to do with the kids. Some days I fear that one of them is going to leave me again or that something is going to happen to them. I have found myself lately being more over protected of them for the littlest things they are doing. Not wanting them to get hurt or doing things that could make them get hurt. When they are sick it's a whole new battle. I find myself in this weird kind of place where I think that something is majorly wrong with them. Right now I am going through this as Sydney is sick. I am pretty sure it's her teeth or the flu that has been going around but I seem to fear the worst. 
 I know a lot of this has to do with Lindsay and all we went through with her. I have spent lots of time crying out to God to help this to stop. Help me not to be this way. Turning over all my battles to him no matter how big or small they are. Some times even begging Him to just take it away or not make me miss something big. I know that He is in control of everything and that He isn't going to give us anything we can't handle. 
 Today in my devotions I read this; Sometimes the darkness in our lives is worse, because we cannot even see the web we are weaving or understand what possible good arising from our experience. Yet if we are faithful to forge ahead and "if we do not give up" (Gal 6:9), someday we will know the most exquisite work of our lives was done during those days when it was the darkest. If you seem to be living in deep darkness because God is working in strange and mysterious ways do not be afraid. Simply go forward in faith and in love, never doubting Him. He is watching and will bring goodness and beauty from all your pain and tears. ~ J.R> Miller

How true is all of this and what I needed to hear today. I can't give up on God just for these silly battles. I need to go forward in my faith and stop doubting what he can do. One of the other devotionals that I read is my Nanny's. Some times when I read nothing jumps out at me and sometimes they do. I know that when this happens this is exactly what God wants me to hear. And sometimes I feel that my Nanny does to. If you own one of these books please go and read the December 10 entry. It's a story about my Aunt Jeanne's leg. Yesterday was one of those days where I knew that God (and Nan) were talking to me. My Aunt had hurt her ankle when she was little and my grandmother was very worried about leaving her at the hospital and that they might have to do surgery. So while she was at home she walked the floors of her house all night long and prayed and looked in the word for comfort. Some of the verses the Lord gave her were Isaiah 66:13, Isaiah 43:19, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 10:8, Romans 15:32. All these verses was exactly what she needed to hear while my Aunt was in the hospital. God DID everything he said he was going to do. She never needed surgery and she got to go home when my Nanny wanted her to. After I was done reading these verses tears were in my eyes because I knew that everything was going to be o.k. God does here my prayers and he does see my battles. I just need to put my total trust in Him ALL THE TIME.

I am sorry that I have not blogged in a while. Life has been very busy. After sitting here today and writing out my thoughts I feel better. This is a very healing thing to do and I just need to make a point to do it. 

Thank you for those who still pray for our family. We love each and everyone of you.

Lindsay Bear Playground

It is with great excitement that we share with you that the Lindsay Bear Playground at America's Keswick has been completed and a special dedication service will take place this Saturday, October 27th at 2:00 PM.

Friends of America's Keswick raised over $79,000 for this beautiful tribute to Lindsay Alice Groen what will provide enjoyment to kids for decades.

If you can join us, we'd loved to have you come to the dedication. We are thankful for the many supporters and friends who made this possible. The Groen and Welte families will be participating in the dedication service. Our friends from Anderson & Campbell Funeral Homes are donating a beautiful bronze plaque that will be installed sometime in November.

As a part of the dedication service, we will have a balloon launch in honor of Lindsay.

Jon and Laura will be leaving early Sunday morning for Wyndmere, North Dakota. Jon has accepted a new job farming. Please pray for saftey for the family as they travel and begin their new adventures in North Dakota.

We are grateful for all the encouragement you have provided to Laura, Jon and the kids.

4 Years In Heaven

Playing pots and pan drums with Tanner.

4 years ago today Lindsay Alice Groen closed her eyes here on earth and opened them in heaven. I can't even imagine what she saw when she opened her eyes. I am sure she was in the arms of Jesus who held her for a long time. I wonder if our family members who have gone before us were there as well. I can only imagine the reunion they had as they welcomed her home. I can just picture all the little kids surrounding her and welcoming her. I can imagine her walking the streets of gold holding hands with Jesus as he shows her all around. I can imagine her running and playing with her new heart and having no more pain. I can imagine her sitting with our grandparents playing and them spoiling her. I can only imagine what 4 years have been like for her. 
But I know what 4 years without her have been like. Missing her so bad that it hurts, wishing for just one more day or one more hour with her. Seeing her big smile and those big blue eyes. Holding her one more time and getting a bear hug. Imagining her playing with her brothers and sister. Watching her grow, play, and learning all new things. Being the big sister and playing with dolls and dirt. We have missed so much in the last 4 years but we can rejoice knowing that one day we won't have to miss anything else with her. We will be with her forever and ever. Not a day goes by that we don't think of her, miss her, long for her, and talk about her. She is always on our mind and never far from our hearts.


Lindsay Bear, 
Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, Case, Wyatt, Sydney miss you so much. We wish you were still here to be with us. But we know you are always with us every day. We are so proud of you and how strong you were during your stay in the hospital. You spoke to so many people and changed lives. Some we won't know about until we join you in heaven. Your story is still being told and is still being written. When Tanner and I pray at night before bed the last thing we pray is that God will tell Lindsay how much we love and miss her and to give her lots of hugs and kisses. We have now prayed this prayer for 4 years. We love you Lindsay.


To all of you who have stood with us during these past 4 years we thank you. Thanks for the prayers, the support, and encouraging words you have shared.


 To our families, thanks for standing by us through the hard times, the happy times and for just being there when we needed you the most. We love you all tons.


 To all of her doctors, nurses, THANK YOU again for all you did for Lindsay. Thank you for your care for her and for us. We will be forever great full for all you did for her. We love you all.


Thank you Lord for Lindsay's life and for allowing us to be her parents. Thanks for never leaving our sides and always holding us up when we couldn't. Please tell her how much we love her and miss her. Hug her extra tight for us today. 

Time To Start Blogging Again

It has been so long since I have blogged on here. I have been meaning to so many times but never get around to it. Life in the Groen house has been very busy lately. As many of you know any day now Baby Groen # 5 is due to come into this world. We are all very anxiously awaiting she or he's arrival. We have been praying since we found out in July about this new little one that God would once again bless us with a baby girl. Don't get me wrong we will be thrilled with a boy but we really miss having a little girl in the house. We still to this day talk about Lindsay and how much we miss her. Case has been very into her lately which warms my heart every time he talks about her. If you ask him he will tell you her name which comes our Windsay :) and that she is his sister. Let me tell you it's so neat to hear him talk about her. We look forward to some day soon telling him and Wyatt more about her.

I will give you a quick update on the boys. Tanner is now in 1st grade and we are home schooling him. He likes school but doesn't love it. He would rather spend the whole day playing with Case and Wyatt. He goes to Awana at our church every Tuesday night and he loves going. He has been into building legos and is always found coming up with some sort of craft for him and Case to make. Hard to believe he will be 8 this year.

Case is 2 and is our little lover. He is always ready to give you a great big hug and kiss just when you need it. He loves Tanner and is always asking Tanner what they should do next. He likes to copy Tanner in everything :). We have been starting to do a little bit of potty training with him and he is starting to get the hang of it. He has been really curious lately with the baby. He is going to be a big helper when the baby comes.

Wyatt is 1 and a ball of energy. He is walking now and he is all over the place. He loves to try and play with Tanner and Case when he can. He is starting to say a few words but mostly talks in his own language with some really funny grunts. He has the greatest facial expressions and sounds. He enjoys just walking around getting into what ever he can. He knows what he wants and when he wants it.

I got a call from my Dad last night and he shared something with me that was a good kick in the pants to start writing again. He was at a funeral last night and a lady came up to him and told him that he didn't know her but she had been following Lindsay's blog from the beginning. The other night this lady was having trouble sleeping and decided to come to the blog and read from the beginning. What ever this lady was going through that night she was ministered to. So that is a good way to give me a kick in the pants to get going again. You might have to be patient with me but I am going to try and get this going again.

We have been truly blessed this year and last year. God continues to meet us just where we need to be met. Lindsay's story still goes on and is still helping people. I will leave you with a few prayer requests; 1. For Baby Groen and me during the next few days. 2. Jon isn't trucking any more and is searching for work. Pray that God will show him just where he wants us to be. 3. That Keswick will be able to raise enough money to get the new Lindsay Bear playground going and hopefully be ready for this summer. I will write another post on that later. But if you would like to donate money for the playground you can go to; http://www.americaskeswick.org/. Scroll down to the give now button. Make sure you say that you want your donation to go to the playground.

Thanks again for continuing to pray for our family.

Dancing With Jesus

I keep forgetting to post this in case some of you don't have facebook. Lindsay Dean passed away very unexpectedly on Friday June 17, 2011. Please pray for the Dean family during this difficult time. Suzie (lindsay's mom) has been very sick before this happened. So please especially pray for her.

My heart is very broken for them. I am sure our Lindsay was there to greet her with open arms. I can see them running and playing together to.

Thanks for continuing to pray for special families like this with us.

Happy Birthday Uncle Ben!!!

Happy Birthday to my brother in law Ben today. As some of you know Ben and Ainsley have moved back here to NH. In January he was diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma. The last few days have been rough for him with a lot of leg pain. We know what the power of prayer can do when some one needs it. Ainsley is also due today with there 3rd baby. Plus they are trying to finish up there house and move into while all of this is going on. Please join us in praying for them.

I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us. I think he gives us these trials in life to draw us closer to him and to put are full trust in him with EVERYTHING that is going on in life. I have said this before that sometimes I wish we could see what he has in store for us before it happens so we can prepare our selves. But I don't think it would change anything because he would still be in control and He would be there to guide us through what ever he brings our way.

I have recently been struggling and being fearful of things that may or may not happen. I find myself watching the boys closer when they play outside and making sure they don't do something to hurt themselves. Or watching them close when they are sick. One of my biggest fears recently is that I will have cancer. It just seems that so many are getting it in some form these days. I have been clinging to the verse in Philippians 4:6-7; Do not be ANXIOUS about ANYTHING but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your REQUESTS to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I find myself repeating this verse over and over again when I am worried about something. And usually after a few minutes I feel God's peace come over me. I know that God has a plan for me and my family. I just need to sit back and put my whole TRUST in him everyday. Jeremiah 29:11 goes through my head a lot to, For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. I like what it says in the next verses to; Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will LISTEN to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. This is more than I was going to write but it feels better to share what has been on my heart. If you are still reading Thanks.

I have one more prayer request for you. Jon's cousin Dave's wife Destiny has just been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. They have two little boys; Tyler is 20 months, and there newest addition Devin is 3 weeks old. (and yes, another boy in the family). I know they are in the process of meeting with doctor's and other specialist. I know they would appreciate your prayers as well.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

As I was sitting here this morning trying to find pictures of Mom and Lindsay and thinking about what I was going to write, I realized that Mom was with us when Lindsay entered this world on June 14,2006 in Luverne, MN and Mom was with us the day Lindsay went to heaven on May 16, 2008 in Boston, MA. Wow!!! Why I have never realized that I don't know but she was there. She was with us the whole time we were in Boston. As I look back now I don't know how we would have done it with out her. She was there for the happy times, the sad times, the fun times. She was a extra ear to listen to the doctor's and nurse's, the shoulder to cry on, the one who called Dad to tell him what was going on, we shared devotions together, prayed together, and I could go on.

My Mom is my best friend, my prayer warrior, the person I go to (other than Jon) when I need advice. I call my Mom everyday even if it's only for a few minutes or to see how her day is going. I am so glad that God chose her to be my Mom!!!!

We love you Mom/Granny and we hope you have a great birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

I just wanted to write and say a big thank you to my Dad for starting this blog for us. If it wasn't for my Dad you wouldn't have gotten the information and updates on Lindsay. I love my Dad very much and he is my hero. He is always there when we need him and we can always count on him to just pray when we need him to . All his grandkids adore him and love being with him.

Happy Birthday Dad/ Pop-Pop!!! We love you a bushel and a peck, a hug around the neck, a barrel and a heap, and we are talking in our sleep about you.

Prayer Requests

Good Morning!!! It is still raining here in NH. I am so ready for the sun to shine and to get outside.

I have some prayer requests for our faith prayer warriors today. So here they are; The first one is Lindsay Dean is still in the hospital. She has been sick for a few weeks now and her doctor's are trying to figure out what is going on. Praise the Lord it's not her new heart being rejected. But she still needs our prayers. Her link is to the left under heart friends.

The second one is for a new friend I have made through her blog and facebook. I have not met her face to face yet and hope to one day soon. She lives in Rochester so she isn't far away. On Dec 3, 2010 (the day after Wyatt) she gave birth to her daughter Rachel. Rachel had a condition called anencephaly. She lived 43 minutes on this earth and then entered heaven's gates. Through Rachel's story and like Lindsay's they have brought people to Christ through there stories. I don't know why Stacy has been on my heart this last few days but she has. I have had this tugging on my heart to just reach out to her and let her know that I have been where she is right now in her grief and missing her little girl. And to just let her know that I am praying for her. I have added her blog link to the left also under family and friends.

Thanks for praying for these dear friends. I wanted to also add the lyrics to the song Blessings by Laura Story that is the first song playing. I love this song and the lyrics.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

3 Years Ago Today

I have been having a hard time today trying to decide what to write. My thoughts have been all over the place today. My thoughts have gone back to this day and remembering each and every part of the day. Remembering how today was the last day she was in our arms, what she looked like, all those that were with us when we said goodbye. Our broken hearts and empty arms and the longing to have her back for just one more day. Even going back and watching her memorial service and feeling like it was just yesterday this all happened. And while all these thoughts are going on taking care of the boys and rejoicing in how blessed we are. Even though Lindsay isn't here she is and will always be in our hearts. I see her in her brothers, in her Daddy's eyes, in her cousin Emma's thoughts, in the lives she touched. There is some of Lindsay in all of us and that makes me happy. It still doesn't take away the pain in our hearts and in our arms but it keeps us going.

This weekend my sister Julie and her husband Garrett came for a visit. It was so much fun to have them come and for Tanner, Case, Wyatt to get to play with Emma, Ethan, Weston. I loved watching them all play but it broke my heart when the boys would be playing and there was no Ce~Ce for Emma. I felt so bad and even a little mad at God for a bit as to why Lindsay couldn't still be here for Emma. I am sure they would have been the best of friends. Emma will always have a special place in my heart and as I call her my baby girl :).

Tanner has picked the above picture of him and Lindsay. He said that is one of his favorite pictures of them. I also asked what he misses the most about Lindsay and his response was playing in the sand box at our mobile home. I am sure he has many favorite memories but this is what I got out of him today.

I was telling Jon earlier today how I have felt like I let Lindsay down today because I didn't do anything for her. His response was she needs nothing and she knows we are missing her :). Oh, how true that is.

3 years ago today Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of earth and opened her eyes in heaven. Oh, what she must have seen.

Lindsay,

Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, Case, Wyatt miss you more than ever. We have spent the day thinking of you and remembering all the fun times we had with you. We wish you were still here with us so you could play with your brothers. We are so glad that we are your parents and that God gave you to us. You have and are still continuing to change people and bring them to Jesus. We love you so much Lindsay Bear and we look forward to the day when we can all be together with you in heaven. When I miss you the most I just pick up Case as he reminds me so much of you. His hugs bring a smile to my face and sometimes I just imagine that I am holding you. As you can see my thoughts are every where. But I couldn't let today go by with out writing something.

She has fought the good fight, She has finished the race, We have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will reward to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

HE IS RISEN

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know who you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; HE IS RISEN, just as he said. Matthew 28:5-6

Happy Easter to you all!!!!! We hope you take some time today to reflect on what Christ has done for you and for me. If you don't have him as the Lord and Savior of your life there is still room at the cross for you.

Last night as I was pulling the boy's easter outfits out I was missing Lindsay. I miss dressing up a little girl in a pretty Easter dress. I can only imagine what Lindsay and her friend Annabelle are wearing today. I bet it's the most prettiest Easter dress you have ever seen. I bet they are dancing and twirling at the feet of Jesus. Oh if heaven only had a window that we could see them.

I wonder what it's like to spend Easter in heaven.

The picture at the top is Lindsay's first Easter. The other one with Tanner, is Lindsay's last Easter here on earth.

One Of The Worst Days

I have to be honest this morning and say that for some reason in my mind this awful day 3 years ago was tomorrow. I don't know why I thought that but thank goodness for this blog. I went back to that post and checked and there it was.

I remember starting out the day by taking Lindsay down in the wagon for a chest x ray. I remember it was so hard to watch her being so weak. Jon helped the whole time by lifting her up and moving her around for the different pictures. She would let out these little moans which was so sad. We then took her and Tanner out to the playground for her to get some fresh air. She sat in her little wagon and watched Tanner. We then took her back to her room to rest. I remember that she was just not herself and then she broke out into some sort of rash. We had the doctor's come in and look at it but they didn't seem to worried. I remember asking her if she wanted uppies (to be held) so of course I scooped her up. Then it started to happen, she kept saying Mommy and I would say I am here Lindsay mommy is here. I remember looking at Jon and saying something is really wrong you better go get Julia (she was our nurse and our hero) She kept saying it over and over and then all of a sudden her breathing got funny and she was struggling to breathe and then her color changed. Just as this was happening Julia was walking by our room and looked in and knew something was wrong. All I remember after that was Julia taking her away and alarms going off and doctor's and nurses swarming every where. My body went numb as I had no idea what was going on. I remember telling the nurses to get Jon out of the room because I didn't want him to be in there alone and watching what was happening. We then went into a nurses office and prayed and prayed and prayed for her. We then had to call Mom and tell her to come back up to the floor right away. She had been at the play ground with Tanner. I am thankful he wasn't there to see all that happen.

I am sorry if this is hard for anyone to read. I didn't think I would write it all out but I felt I needed to. Even as hard as this was to write out I can look back and see that God was with us and taking care of us the whole time. Even though we didn't know what the next few weeks wold hold for us he did. Psalm 139: 8-10 says If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Then in verse 16 it says; When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How true is verse 16; that he knew on April 15,2008 that she would go into cardiac arrest and that on May 16, 2008 she would live with him.

I read again this morning in Streams in the desert this;The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure Word of God alone. And when we take Him at His word, our hearts are at peace.

God delights in causing us to exercise our faith. He does so to bless us individually, to bless the church at large, and as a witness to unbelievers. Yet we tend to retreat from the exercising of our faith instead of welcoming it. When trials come our response should be, "My heavenly Father has placed this cup of trails into my hands so I may later have something pleasant."

Trials are the food of faith. Oh may we leave ourselves in the hands of our heavenly Father! It is the joy of his heart to do good to all His children. Yet trials and difficulties are not the only way faith is exercised and thereby increased. Reading the Scriptures also acquaints us with God as He has revealed Himself in them.

Are you able to genuinely say, from your knowledge of God and your relationship with Him, that He is indeed a beautiful Being? If not, let me graciously encourage you to ask God to take you to that point, so you will fully appreciate His gentleness and kindness, so you will be able to say just how good He is, and so you will know what a delight it is to God's heart to do good for His children.

The closer we come to this point in our inner being, the more willing we are to leave ourselves in His hands and the more satisfied we are with all of His dealings with us. Then when trials come, we will say " I will patiently wait to see the good God will do in my life, with the calm assurance He will do it."

In this way, we will bear the testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others. (written by George Mueller) I thought this was fitting for today.

These past few days Case has been reminding me of Lindsay. He looks like her, is built like her, and does some things that remind me of her. It has been good to just pick him up and hold him tight for a few minutes and thank the Lord for him. Everything that he has been doing is what we have missed with watching Lindsay grow up. Each and every day is so special with all of the boys these days.

I am sorry this is so long but this is what was on my heart this morning.

3 Years Ago Today

3 years ago today Jon and I did one of the hardest things we never thought we would have to do. 3 years ago today we had to hand over our baby girl to a nurse who took her into surgery to have her little heart fixed. I remember that day so clearly and I have thought about it several times today. After that we began this 3 year journey that we never thought we would have to go through. These next few weeks for us will be a time to remember those days Lindsay was in the hospital, to reflect on all the little miracles she came through, and to thank the Lord for being with us each step of the way.

I have been thinking all day what I should write today. I apologize for it taking me this long to write. Life with 3 boys has been busy and fun. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I cherish each moment of every day with them. I know that if Lindsay were still here she would have loved her brothers. She would have been their little mother, and most of all their best friend. The boys would have protected her, played tractors and dolls with her, and I am sure had tea parties with her. But I know that she is watching over them all the time.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would have been like. How long her hair would have been, hearing her talk, watching her with Wyatt, hearing her call Daddy and Mommy, looking cute wearing dresses, and even watching her and Emma play together. She is missed so much in our house.

I read this today in my devotions from Streams In The Desert; Inner stillness is an absolute necessity to truly knowing God. I remember learning this during a time of great crisis in my life. My entire being seemed to throb with anxiety, and the sense of need for immediate and powerful action was overwhelming. Yet the circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could have helped would not move.

For a time it seemed as if I would fall to pieces due to my inner turmoil. Then suddenly " a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) whispered in the depths of my soul, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10). The words were spoken with power and I obeyed . I composed myself, bringing my body to complete stillness, and forced my troubled spirit into quietness. Only then, while looking up and waiting, did I know that it was God who had spoken. He was in the midst of my crisis and my helplessness, and I rested in Him.

This was an experience I would not have missed for anything. I would also say it was from the stillness that the power seemed to arise to deal with the crisis, and that very quickly brought it to a successful resolution. It was during this crisis I effectively learned that my "strength is still". (written by Hannah Whitall Smith)

WOW!!! Looking back during Lindsay's time in the hospital this is so true. This devotional sums our whole experience. God was with us each and every day and we heard his voice and felt his presence is so many amazing ways. We always would end the day by praying with Lindsay before we left the hospital. I remember praying that God would prove the doctor's wrong and that Lindsay would blow there socks off. Even though she went to heaven she still proved them wrong a number of times which only God could have done. It was fun to watch there faces when something would happen with Lindsay that they didn't think could. We would just smile and say well we know who did this and how many of you were praying for her and for them.

Lindsay Bear,

We miss you more than ever today. We hope that what ever you are doing in heaven that you are having fun. We are proud of you and how strong you were 3 years ago today. You are always in our hearts and always on our mind. Thanks for making us so proud to be your parents.

Dear Lord,

Jon and I thank you for bringing us through these 3 years. With out you who knows where we would be. Thank you for allowing us to be Lindsay parents for the short time we had with her. Give her lots and hugs and kisses for us today. We ask that you continue to be with all the doctor's and nurses on 8 south and 8 east. Continue to give them the strength and wisdom to the best of there ability. Be with all the babies and kids on the 8th floor and help them all to get better. Thank you for a beautiful day for us to remember Lindsay.

We again thank you all for praying for us. Without all of you holding us up during that time we wouldn't be where we are today. I will try and be better at updating the blog better.

My Dad also wrote yesterday so please check that out.

Remembering Lindsay

I wasn't sure if Laura would post on the blog today, but our hearts are flooded today with many memories of Lindsay. This time three years ago was the preparation for Lindsay's first open heart surgery. It was a particularly tough day for Jon and Laura because on this same day, Laura had a miscarriage on top of anticipating their little girl having major surgery.  Little did we know how the events of the next several weeks would unfold.

Looking back, we are all very thankful for the love and support that you have provided to our kids during these difficult years. God gives grace and comfort, but the reality of Lindsay's absence is still very real and always present.

We are so proud of Laura and Jon and thank the Lord for the ways that they have turned this tragedy to triumph as they have opportunities to share Lindsay's story. So many of you followed the blog from the beginning of this adventure. We thought it would be a great encouragement to the kids to have you share words of encouragement with them over the next several weeks.

Thank you for walking THROUGH these tough times with us.

Love,

Bill and Jan Welte and Warren and Phyllis Groen

Sorry It's Been So Long

It has been a long time since I have written. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update. We have been really busy lately. Jon has been trucking for his Uncle Keith for a month now and the boys and I have been hanging out at home as well as in NJ. We miss when he is not around and we do get to see him often. The truck that he has been driving is the same truck that he drove Lindsay's last summer. We have lots of fun memories in the truck when we went along with Jon.

The boys are doing well and growing up way to fast. They keep me pretty busy all day. They are growing closer together as brother's which is awesome to watch. We are looking forward to our newest addition coming sometime in December. Jon and I are hoping for a little girl but Tanner wants another brother. We will see who is right when the time comes. Baby Groen is right on schedule and is getting more and more active. We did have a fetal echo done a few weeks ago and the babies heart is perfect. We thank the Lord for that everyday.

Lindsay is still never to far from our minds. We think of her often and talk about her a lot. We have seen lots of Lindsay butterflies this summer which always brings a smile to our faces. It is fun to see Tanner get so excited when he sees one. We have been spending time in NJ and have been playing lots with Emma and Ethan. I have enjoyed watching them get excited as well when they see a Lindsay butterfly. Emma talks about Ce~Ce a lot and often asks Julie if she can go and play with her. I am sure that if Lindsay were still here that Emma and her would be best friends and so much fun to watch. I feel so bad sometimes when I see her and wish so much that Lindsay was around to play with her. Sometimes I feel it's so unfair that she had to leave us so soon. And why her, even though I wouldn't want anyone to go through this. But I know that God has a reason and one day we will find out that reason when we are with him. Until then we need to keep her memory alive and continue to share her story with others.

We hope you will still continue to keep up with the blog. I am going to try much harder to keep it updated. We love you all very much and thank you for your continued prayers for our family.

Because Of The Cross

Today at 1:00 p.m. marks Lindsay's 2 year anniversary in Heaven. How can 2 years have passed already when some days it feels like it was just yesterday. Some days I still think I am in this huge dream and I am going to wake up and everything will be the same. I do remember one dream I had the night before Lindsay went home. It was just after the doctors had called to tell us that something had happened in her belly. I remembering trying to fall back to sleep but so much was going through my head. I guess I finally did fall asleep, but my Pop-Pop Welte came to me in my dream and told me that Lindsay was going to be o.k. and that he was going to take care of her. You see my Pop-Pop has been in heaven for years. I remember waking up trying to shake it off and thinking I was crazy. But I really wasn't because he was right and he as well as my Mema, Nanny, Bebe, Grandpa and Grandma Groen, and Grandpa and Grandma Burgers are all in heaven with her taking care of her. I am comforted in knowing that she isn't alone and that she is fine and happy. Like my title says that's all because of the cross. Because of the cross and what Jesus did for you and me, we will be able to see Lindsay again. So on this 2 year angel anniversary I am thankful for what Christ did for me on the cross and the promises that he has made to me in knowing that one day we will all be with Lindsay in paradise. If you are reading this and don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior don't let the day go by without talking to some one. Lindsay's book is still being written and already through her life people have gotten saved.

I know have have said this on so many posts but I am going to say it again; THANK YOU. Thank you for the prayers, comments on the blog, encouragement, hugs, and just being there when we have needed you. I can't end this without saying a huge THANK YOU to all the doctors, nurses, ecmo nurses, on 8 south and 8 east. Because of them Lindsay had the best care we could have asked for. They sacrifice so much of there own lives to be in the hospital to take care of kids that really need them. We are thankful for each and every one of them who took care of Lindsay. Tanner and I still pray for them all every night at bed time as well as all the babies and kids on the 8th floor.

I am going to leave you with a picture video that I put together in memory of Lindsay's time in the hospital. Many have never seen some of these pictures and they may be hard to look at. But we cherish each one of them because they are the last pictures we have of her.

Lindsay Bear, Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, and Case miss you so much. We talk about you all the time and you will always be with us and in our hearts. We love you more than you know and we are proud of you in so many ways. Today after church we are going to have a picnic in the park and we will be thinking of you the whole day. We send you lots of hugs and kisses towards heaven today.

From Movies