Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Tanner Moment And Looking Back


Yesterday afternoon Tanner and I headed out to Kohl's to find him some summer clothes. As I turned the van on I noticed that the low fuel light was on. I was a little scared to even head out because I wasn't sure how far we would get if we ran out of gas. I called Jon to get some reassurance that we wouldn't run out and he told me not to worry just go. So I got back in the van and said to Tanner well we better start praying and ask Jesus to some how help us get there without running out of gas. Tanner's response to me was," Don't worry Mom Lindsay already has it taken care of." I sort of chuckled and said what do you mean buddy. He then went on to say that Lindsay had already gone to Jesus and asked Him to help us get there. To hear him say this brought joy to my heart. So we headed out and I wasn't worried at all and just put my trust in Him. While we were driving we then started talking about what was happening this time last year with Lindsay. Then we talked about it being hot and that Lindsay was probably playing in a pool in heaven and having fun. I then told him how much I missed her and he shared how much he missed her to. My heart was sad for him but loving how we were sharing what we thought she was doing. Do you know that we made it to the gas station without any problems!!! I told Tanner when we got there that we needed to thank Jesus and Lindsay for helping us get there.

As I mentioned above today is the day that Lindsay had her bypass surgery. I remember being so scared but trusting that whatever the outcome was God was going to be with us. My sister Julie, Ethan and Brian Bitler surprised us all my showing up to be with us during surgery. I was so glad to have them there and especially glad to have Julie with us. We all were able to gather in bed space 9 around Lindsay and pray for her, Dr. Mayer, and all those that would be with her during surgery. We knew all of the risks going into it but we also knew that God was in control. It seemed like it took forever for them to be done. I can remember all of us being packed in the waiting room waiting and hoping for some good news. When Dr. Mayer walked in I could tell by the look in his face that he had news but not great news. She had lost a lot of blood but was in critical condition. He was afraid that she wouldn't make it through the night. They prepared Jon and I before we went back as to how she was going to look and to us she looked really good. By morning she was doing better and when Dr. Mayer came in that day he was in amazement that she was doing so good. But you know what that was just another one of Lindsay's mini miracles. I had prayed the whole time we were there that God would somehow heal her to the amazement of the doctor's and you know what she did. Even though his healing for her was in heaven he brought her through some tough times and kept them on there toes. For all those mini miracles we are grateful for and we cherish each and every one of them. As I have been sitting here writing this blog I can't help remember how Dad Welte had shared with us a song by the Gaither Vocal Band called Through. I think that we played this song after we had prayed over Lindsay. The words to this song are very powerful. I am going to add it here so you can listen to this song. You might want to grab a box of tissues before listening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmKSY12hclQ

If you could say a pray today for my sister Julie today as she is having a hard time remembering last year being the last time she got to see Lindsay, I would greatly appreciate it and I know she would to. I also know that Garrett needs some prayer to as he struggles that he didn't come with Julie to see her. Julie and I have become even closer as sisters through all of this. We have cried many times over the phone, laughed, encouraged each other, and lifted one another up in prayer. Her daughter Emma and I have developed a special bond lately that has helped me through some hard days. Emma and Lindsay are the same age and were best friends. I miss seeing them play together when we go and visit. But Emma has showed all of us that she hasn't forgotten Ce~Ce (this is what she calls Lindsay). Julie, Jon and I love you very much and we pray that God will fill you with peace that only he can give. Garrett, We love you very much and I pray that you will always remember the happy times you had with Lindsay. May God fill you with peace when ever your heart is heavy and may he wrap his arms around you and give you comfort.

11 comments:

GarretJulie said...

I remember that day so well!! Brian and I were driving and we were getting calls that Dad had left and we so confused! We made it there in such good time and Ethan was an angel that whole day. I remember being at Lindsay's bedside while we all toke turns praying for her. Hearing how Laura stepped up and prayed for Lindsay. She seemed so strong even though we were all crying. The nurses took care of holding Ethan and just ate him all up. :)
I remember struggling to leave, and thinking that if she didn't make it... I wouldn't get to see her! I remember standing in the hall way with you and mom and just crying...
I am so glad I came and I will cherish those times of just standing next to her, talking to her, and rubbing those little toes. Even though this morning I have been doing my share of crying and praying... I am so thankful that I got to even see her!! You know Garrett is still upset that both times I came he didn't come along. When I start to get sad, I think of him and how he wishes he would have come.
I am so thankful that you and Emma have the relationship that you do. She adores you!!! I must say, I sometimes am a bit jealous of it. I long to have that with Lindsay. But don't worry, I talk to her every day. :) ha ha
I am so thankful what Lindsay has taught me and done in my life. But besides that I am sooo very thankful that our God sent his son to die on the cross so that I one day again can see those big blue eyes!!!
Laura, Jon and Tanner~ I love you very much and I am so thankful what God has done in your lives the last year!!! I am thankful we can still talk about Lindsay even when it makes us cry.
Lindsay~ Uncle Garrett and I love you very much. You hold a very special place in our hearts. Emma still knows your face and always will. We will see you again one day sweet girl!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Laura for sharing from your heart this morning. You have all been in our thoughts & prayers already today. I can remember it was a VERY early morning a year ago that Julie, Ethan & Brian left. I know how special the trip was & being there with you meant to both of them!

I loved the story of the time that you shared with Tanner yesterday~ sharing & trusting... it amazes me that God continually uses our kids as well to teach us BIG lessons that we need reminded of regarding the goodness & LOVE of our Lord.

I pray that today you will feel our love & prayers. You are amazing... and even in your own remembering & sadness & missing Lindsay today-- you are concerned about Julie. :) We're praying for her too!

Love you all a bunch!
Donna & Brian & the little Bits

GrannyApple said...

I, too, have been remembering many things from last year this week. Daddy surprising me by coming to the hospital so that we would be together on our anniversary. (I still remember Mike and Stacey faces when he arrived. :) Lindsay's surgery, seeing the waiting room and how she looked after surgery. It all seems like moments ago, and yet a year has passed. Thank you Lord for bringing us THROUGH.
Thanks, Tanner, for reminding us that our faith needs to be like yours (a child). I remember 25 years ago a little 5 year old girl telling her mom that she was going to have a baby sister. Yes, that 5 yr old was you, Laura. You told daddy and I that we were having a baby girl and you were sticking to it even though we tried to tell you it might be a boy. You wanted a baby sister and Jesus told you she was coming. God knew then that you would need each other at this time in both of your lives. I didn't know then what my children would have to endure. I wish I had the power to change the bad things that come into your lives. But, God KNOWS better and HE is always beside us whether we see HIM or not, He is ALWAYS there. I'm glad to hear that Tanner is following in a long line of "faith" believers. Laura, thanks for your thoughts and memories of this last year. Daddy and I are extremely proud of you, Jon and Tanner and I know Nan is too. She wanted all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to know that following Jesus was the best thing to do, even if bad things happened. I love you all very much and missing Lindsay tons.
Love,
Mom/Granny

Susanna G said...

oh, Laura. I remember these being such long days last year. I checked the blog every five minutes...on my work computer, barely able to focus on anything else. "No news was," I kept hoping, "good news." I lost count of how many times I started crying at desk...and then turned it into prayers. God had our hearts to tuned to him through those days. Leave it to an awesome God to turn our pain into gain in our relationship with him. He is truly faithful. Thank you for your posts. I have missed you. Will be praying as I drive through these coming weeks.

Anonymous said...

Susan and I prayed for you this morning, and for the new little baby Groen who will arrive soon. I can't begin to imagine your feelings, and all the things you've experienced in the last year. But know that MANY continue to lift you before the Father, and you are loved.

Ruthie

Anonymous said...

Dear Laura:
Thank you for sharing the story of you and Tanner and the "low fuel". It reminds me of your Nan in the winter time when she would pray for green lights so she didn't have to stop the car on slippery roads. I remember her always telling us that we can pray and ask God for anything even the small stuff that most people would think he was too busy to listen to. You are all in my heart today. I remember sitting by my phone at work waiting and praying to hear from you about Linsday. We all miss and love her so very much and we love you all so very much.
Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Mark

Anonymous said...

Dear Laura and Family:

I have been following Lindsay's Blog continually. I have written a few comments to you over the year. I had first learned of your sweet daughter's illness last year through the Keswick website, and while in attendance at the Keswick's Women's Luncheon. Your Dad spoke about Lindsay's surgery that day and your Mom was on the phone and spoke to all of us while she was in Boston with you and your family. I have continued to pray for your family throughout this year and I am so amazed at God's presence in your lives throughout this year. Your beautiful daughter Lindsay is God's little angel sent to share his tremendous love for us through your testimony of his presence and protection in your family's lives.
Thank you Laura for sharing your heart and your love of God through your Lindsay's life. I smile and say "God Bless" her when I see the her smiles and her beautiful
eyes on the photos on her blog. Your heartfelt stories about Lindsay have been a gift to me as I grow in my realtionship with Jesus. I have been reading the blogs you have shared with your heart families. Those babies are so precious and I pray for God's presence and protection and healing for them and for their families. Thank you for writing Linday's blog so I can continue to pray for your family and your heart families. God Bless your sweet Tanner, I know God is looking at him and is so proud of his faith, and how he provides to you the God moments in his life and how he knows his sister Lindsay is right there with him. I pray that God would continue to walk side by side with Tanner and provide many God moments in his life.
Much Love,
Daryl

Steph & Kayla said...

Laura,
My name is Stephanie Johnson and I am friends with Kayla Poret..Logan's mommy. My daughter Madyson has been through 2 heart surgeries and after talking with Kayla, I believe our daughters had similar defects. I would love to talk to you and I also wanted to let you know that Kayla and I have started an organization named, "From the Hearts of Mady & Logan." We are making gift baskets for the post heart surgery babies/children at Children's Hospital in New Orleans. We have a blog and a myspace page. I created the myspace page for all the babies that have lost their battle with CHD, the families, and the ones still fighting the fight. I have put a picture of your beautiful angel on their and I would be honored if you would go and visit the page. It is www.myspace.com/fromtheheartsofmady_logan Our blog is www.blogspot.com/fromtheheartsofmadyandlogan
You have been in my prayers since I first heard about you and Lindsay about a year ago. Your faith is so inspriring and it helps all of us mother's who are fighting CHD with our children to hold on. Much love to you and your family Laura.
Love, Stephanie Johnson
stephanie_johnson2005@yahoo.com

grammie said...

Laura, John, Tanner and family:
We also remember that day. It had only been days since we'd met, but there was a kinship of knowing eachother's fears...We continue to travel this road with you all in our prayers always.
Michelle(Elijah's Grammie)

Lindsay Dean said...

Oh, the new picture on the blog is just breathtaking! I am holding you close to my heart this week and next. Love to you special friend~!
Suzie

PS The Lindsay Bracelets are officially gone and we had to get new ones. Thank you so much again for your generosity to our family!!

Anonymous said...

Dear blessed family...I pray for all of you faithfully and it comes to mind that we are blessed to have a high priest who is able to sympathize and feel everything we do...I know we have to go through the pain and suffering, but He shares it all with us...I am getting very excited as you get closer to your due date and fall more in love with all of you as you allow us to share your thoughts and hopes in this blog...I thank you and offer my love to each of you...Melanie Vara