Back Up And Running

Well I am back and happy to be able to blog again. A lot has happened since I last blogged and I will share more about that later on. I just wanted to let you all know (if there is still anyone that checks this) that I will be writing again. Thanks to a friend we now have a new computer which is way easier to type on then my phone. I have had lots on my mind to share and can't wait to share with you. (none of these include a new baby in case you were wondering) :).

We are all doing well and enjoying our new life here in MN. It's fun to be back here and reconnect with family and friends again. God opened doors for us and provided for us as always. Thanks to those who still pray for us and who still continue to remember our Lindsay Bear. 

Before I go I do have one little story to share about our girl. The other night we made a trip to the new Costco that just opened up. I always carry a spare pacifier in the diaper bag in case one is needed for a unhappy child. The one that is in there is one of the last ones that Lindsay had and I think even used. Sydney had been using it in the store and when we were ready to leave I couldn't find it. When we got out to the car I asked Jon if he knew where it was and he didn't. I know it's just a pacifier but for some reason I needed to find it. So I made him go back to where he left our cart to see if it still was in there. Thankfully it was and I was so glad to have found it but after that the tears wouldn't stop. I kept thinking how silly this was that I was crying over it but knew it was one of the last things she used and I couldn't bring myself to not find it or have it with me. Then I got to thinking about how much I missed her and how much it still hurts. But then a little voice called out at me from the back seat saying Mom. When I turned around to see Sydney using this same pacifier smiling at me from behind it, I knew that I would be ok and that Lindsay will always be with us no matter what. 

Always thinking of you Lindsay Bear!!!

She Is Still Remembered

This month is well known as CHD awareness month. All heart Mom's know all two well about this and they want to spread the word to others so they can be aware of this disease. On Fridays during the month some have worn red to remember those who are affected by a CHD or who have lost some one to it and to spread awareness to others. 

This morning as I checked my Facebook my Aunt Jeanne's status said that she was wearing red today in memory of Lindsay. Let me tell you that tears started coming and my heart was blessed. I love my Aunt Jeanne very much and she has been so special to me through out the years. To know that she did this today was just awesome. She has been battling cancer but with God's almighty hand He has brought her through so much. I am so thankful for all that He has done in her life and all that he going to continue to do. She is an inspiration to us all.
Later on when I checked she had posted a picture of her and her coworkers which said; Wearing red in memory of Lindsay Bear. Here is the picture she posted. Which again brought tears :)

-Thank you Aunt Jeanne for remembering Lindsay today. I am so thankful that she had you as her great Aunt. I always want to say that we greatly appreciate when you and Uncle Mark made the trip to Boston to visit her and us. Even though you had a ruff trip you stuck it out. You will never know how much this meant to us. 

I love you with all my heart ~ Laura~

My Faith Is Like Shifting Sand

I listened to this song today from a Caedmon's Call cd. As I sat and sang along I couldn't help but think that this is totally how my faith can be at times. Sometimes it can be changed by every wave but then I stand on grace. Time and time again my faith is being tested by so many things in life. It could be little things that are going on or big things that are going on. Just like the waves come ashore and then washes out that is God taking what ever is bothering me and taking them away.
I just looked up what the lyrics to this song are truly about. Here is what it says;

This song is written from the perspective of someone who realizes his own weakness in regards to his faith. Like all Christians, he struggles with feeling strong of heart one moment, and faithlessly succumbing to his own desires the next. By the end of the song, he has realized that the foundation for his relationship with God is not his own faith, which wavers, but God’s Grace, which doesn’t change.

As I sat this morning on the computer looking through pictures of Lindsay I started to cry because I miss her so much. Then I found a few videos that I have on Facebook that I knew I just needed to see. I wanted to see her alive and smiling, laughing, and just being cute. But that just made it harder because now all I wanted was her. To hold her, hug her, talk to her, fix her hair, dress her up to match Sydney, watch her play, and I could go on. Wyatt was sitting next to me watching so I called Case over. He instantly knew that Tanner was in these videos but thought Lindsay was Wyatt. My heart broke just a little more as I told him no this is your sister Lindsay. I could tell by watching him that he was trying to process this. I sat and cried a little more knowing that he will never know her until we get to heaven. I know that he is still a little young to comprehend this but I can't wait until he is old enough to tell him more about her. After all this I once again go through in my mind all the why's and why her, why our family, and just like that my faith is slightly shifted. But then I remember that we can't change anything about what has happened and that we still need to trust that God had and still has a plan for her life and for ours. We need to stand on grace and know that his grace isn't ever going to change.  It says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10;  My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak I am strong. 
God must have known I needed to read that whole verse just now. I was only going to write verse 9 but then I kept reading. I will let you read the words and listen to  this song and maybe it will speak to some one like it spoke to me today.  You will have to pause my song list to hear the song.

Lindsay is never far from my thoughts and always on my heart.

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious

And like a consumer I’ve been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my fifteen minutes of faith
Then I’d be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I’ve begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I’ve seen so much
And I explained it away

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It’d been there all the time

The Faces Of My Sister And Brothers

Just a few pictures of the kids.