God's Plan In The Seasons Of Our Lives

As I sit here to write it is a beautiful warm September day. Lots of farmers have been busy in the field getting some of their crops out. You can tell that fall is coming by the changing of the leaves and the crops. I am in no hurry for winter to come and for the snow to fall. But they will be coming before we know it. With every season comes a change in the scenery. We can also have this kind of change in our lives. We can have change of jobs, change of houses, changes of new school, the change of learning to live with out your child or other loved one. The change of finding that new normal in your life. This past weekend I went to a funeral for a friend who lost their baby. For them this change is just beginning. I wish that they didn't have to join this club that we are in, But they did and for a reason that only God knows. I know what they are feeling because I have been there and I am still there even now. I may not be in the raw stages of grief anymore but I was at one time. Through God's help and through family and friends who have stood by us and prayed for us we have entered a different season in grief.
Today in my devotions was just what my heart needed to hear. I had been thinking about how I could encourage this couple during this time or maybe encourage some one else that is reading this. I read in my Streams in the Desert book about questioning God and trying to understand why he has allowed these things to happen. It talked about Mary and Martha and how they couldn't understand why the Lord waited so long to help Lazarus. Jesus simply answered them; "You may not understand, but I am telling you that if you believe, you will see. Then it went on to talk about Abraham, Moses, Joseph and how they all didn't understand why God was letting these things happen to them. But then they each saw the different things God had did for them during those times.
What I read next is what really hit me and made me think of this couple and me as well. I read this; Perhaps there is also something in your life causing you to question God. Do you find yourself saying,"I do not understand why God allowed my loved one to be taken. I do not understand why affliction has been permitted to strike me, I do not understand why the Lord has led me down these twisting paths. I do not understand why my plans, which seemed so good, have been so disappointing. I do not understand why the blessings I so desperately need are so long in coming. WOW!!!!! But then it goes on; Dear friend, you do not have to understand all God's ways of dealing with you. He does not expect you to understand them. You do not expect your children to understand everything you do-- you simply want them to trust you. And someday you too will see the glory of God in the things you do not understand. J.H.M. Again a big WOW I can totally relate to this. I still to this day don't know why God wanted Lindsay with him or why she had to even go through open heart surgery. But I don't need to understand that now I just need to trust God. I have been learning a a lot about trust lately. God is teaching me that I need to bring things at his feet and to just trust him. I can say that is a hard thing to do but if you do it God will bless your socks off. I remember one afternoon sitting in the waiting room of 8 south all alone just me and God. I had been trusting God the whole time but I hadn't fully trusted and given Lindsay over to him. I know that Jon had but I hadn't gotten to a point where I could do that. So I sat there and prayed and finally told God that it was time for me to put her in his hands and to completely trust in him what ever the out come might have been. That was a hard thing to do but one that I couldn't do anymore on my own. God went on to do many small miracles after that. Even though the miracle we had been praying for was for her to be healed on earth, his miracle was for her to be healed in heaven. Looking back at all this I don't know how in the world Jon or I and even our families would have gotten through this without God. I might not be who I am today if I didn't have that trust in him. Proverbs 3;5,6 tell us to Trust in the Lord always and acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
I hope one day to fully understand why God allowed Lindsay to go to heaven but for now I don't have to. I just simply need to trust him and his word. For now I will continue to watch each new season come and go and know that God has a plan for each and every season in my life.
I hope that in some small way this will bless someone that is in a season of loosing a child or even a loved one. Or for someone who has been going through trust issues with God. Or maybe someone that is just struggling all together in all seasons of their lives. God has a plan for you just like he has a plan for me. You may not see the big picture now but you will someday but for now just trust.

And then they were 10

It is hard to believe that in June Lindsay would have been 10 and Sam and Emma just turned 10 this week. Crazy to think how fast your kids grow up. What a joy it is to watch each year come and go. To look back and see how much they have grown in 10 years and how they have changed so much. For me that is a different story than some. I have missed so much, I have missed those fun milestones. I could sit here and be very angry and bitter about it and sometimes I am but instead I choose to sit and watch my niece Emma and my nephew Sam who are the same age as Lindsay grow up, I will admit that sometimes it is hard and that tears will flow when their birthdays come around but I know that Lindsay is right there with them each year. She has the best seat in the house to watch over them. It is crazy to look back at the pictures we have with the 3 of them when they were little and to think back then we had no idea that I would be sitting here now without her. They would be turning 10 without Lindsay. Instead I get to sit here and be thankful for each year that they celebrate. Even though we are miles apart they each hold a very special place in my heart.  I am thankful that Julie and Garrett, Josh and Jenny get to celebrate them each and every year.
 
Happy 10th Birthday Emma and Sam!!!!!!!!

This is the picture I was talking about.

Here is Emma and Sam now

I am so thankful that God has chosen me to be there Aunt. I am thankful that I can rejoice in each birthday, each milestone that they hit, each new thing they do. I am thankful that they both know Jesus and have him in their hearts. That one day they will get to be with Lindsay again.

I love you Sam and Emma

Blogging Again

It has been along time again since I have written, Lots of things have happened in our lives over the last year. One of the biggest things is that we moved to our own acreage. God has blessed us once again with a place to call our own. That story will have to wait for another time. The other new thing is that we now have Internet at home instead of on Jon's phone. My hope is to start blogging on here again and share what is on my heart again. So stay tuned for more pictures and stories. 
The picture on the top is a very recent one. A few weeks ago we went on vacation with Jon's family to a ranch in Missouri. We had lots of fun and lots of memories were made there. Lindsay was missed tons and she would have loved to be sleeping in the room with all her girl cousins. I will share a few pictures from our time at the White Buffalo Ranch . 

All the kids got to make tshirts and decorate them. Then we added a number to the backs in birth order. I had to bring the bear along to include Lindsay. I am so glad I did and that even though she isn't there physically she is still aprat of our family.

My sister in laws got better pictures than I did but you get the idea. Lots of kids to try and make stand still for a picture. 

This makes me smile but makes my heart break. Sisters forever.

Case

Sydney

Tanner

Wyatt

I could share what more but I should get something done today. So stay tuned for more.