Monday, June 20, 2011

Dancing With Jesus

I keep forgetting to post this in case some of you don't have facebook. Lindsay Dean passed away very unexpectedly on Friday June 17, 2011. Please pray for the Dean family during this difficult time. Suzie (lindsay's mom) has been very sick before this happened. So please especially pray for her.

My heart is very broken for them. I am sure our Lindsay was there to greet her with open arms. I can see them running and playing together to.

Thanks for continuing to pray for special families like this with us.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Happy Birthday Uncle Ben!!!

Happy Birthday to my brother in law Ben today. As some of you know Ben and Ainsley have moved back here to NH. In January he was diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma. The last few days have been rough for him with a lot of leg pain. We know what the power of prayer can do when some one needs it. Ainsley is also due today with there 3rd baby. Plus they are trying to finish up there house and move into while all of this is going on. Please join us in praying for them.

I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us. I think he gives us these trials in life to draw us closer to him and to put are full trust in him with EVERYTHING that is going on in life. I have said this before that sometimes I wish we could see what he has in store for us before it happens so we can prepare our selves. But I don't think it would change anything because he would still be in control and He would be there to guide us through what ever he brings our way.

I have recently been struggling and being fearful of things that may or may not happen. I find myself watching the boys closer when they play outside and making sure they don't do something to hurt themselves. Or watching them close when they are sick. One of my biggest fears recently is that I will have cancer. It just seems that so many are getting it in some form these days. I have been clinging to the verse in Philippians 4:6-7; Do not be ANXIOUS about ANYTHING but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your REQUESTS to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I find myself repeating this verse over and over again when I am worried about something. And usually after a few minutes I feel God's peace come over me. I know that God has a plan for me and my family. I just need to sit back and put my whole TRUST in him everyday. Jeremiah 29:11 goes through my head a lot to, For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. I like what it says in the next verses to; Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will LISTEN to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. This is more than I was going to write but it feels better to share what has been on my heart. If you are still reading Thanks.

I have one more prayer request for you. Jon's cousin Dave's wife Destiny has just been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. They have two little boys; Tyler is 20 months, and there newest addition Devin is 3 weeks old. (and yes, another boy in the family). I know they are in the process of meeting with doctor's and other specialist. I know they would appreciate your prayers as well.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

As I was sitting here this morning trying to find pictures of Mom and Lindsay and thinking about what I was going to write, I realized that Mom was with us when Lindsay entered this world on June 14,2006 in Luverne, MN and Mom was with us the day Lindsay went to heaven on May 16, 2008 in Boston, MA. Wow!!! Why I have never realized that I don't know but she was there. She was with us the whole time we were in Boston. As I look back now I don't know how we would have done it with out her. She was there for the happy times, the sad times, the fun times. She was a extra ear to listen to the doctor's and nurse's, the shoulder to cry on, the one who called Dad to tell him what was going on, we shared devotions together, prayed together, and I could go on.
My Mom is my best friend, my prayer warrior, the person I go to (other than Jon) when I need advice. I call my Mom everyday even if it's only for a few minutes or to see how her day is going. I am so glad that God chose her to be my Mom!!!!

We love you Mom/Granny and we hope you have a great birthday!!!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

I just wanted to write and say a big thank you to my Dad for starting this blog for us. If it wasn't for my Dad you wouldn't have gotten the information and updates on Lindsay. I love my Dad very much and he is my hero. He is always there when we need him and we can always count on him to just pray when we need him to . All his grandkids adore him and love being with him.

Happy Birthday Dad/ Pop-Pop!!! We love you a bushel and a peck, a hug around the neck, a barrel and a heap, and we are talking in our sleep about you.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Prayer Requests

Good Morning!!! It is still raining here in NH. I am so ready for the sun to shine and to get outside.
I have some prayer requests for our faith prayer warriors today. So here they are; The first one is Lindsay Dean is still in the hospital. She has been sick for a few weeks now and her doctor's are trying to figure out what is going on. Praise the Lord it's not her new heart being rejected. But she still needs our prayers. Her link is to the left under heart friends.

The second one is for a new friend I have made through her blog and facebook. I have not met her face to face yet and hope to one day soon. She lives in Rochester so she isn't far away. On Dec 3, 2010 (the day after Wyatt) she gave birth to her daughter Rachel. Rachel had a condition called anencephaly. She lived 43 minutes on this earth and then entered heaven's gates. Through Rachel's story and like Lindsay's they have brought people to Christ through there stories. I don't know why Stacy has been on my heart this last few days but she has. I have had this tugging on my heart to just reach out to her and let her know that I have been where she is right now in her grief and missing her little girl. And to just let her know that I am praying for her. I have added her blog link to the left also under family and friends.

Thanks for praying for these dear friends. I wanted to also add the lyrics to the song Blessings by Laura Story that is the first song playing. I love this song and the lyrics.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Monday, May 16, 2011

3 Years Ago Today

I have been having a hard time today trying to decide what to write. My thoughts have been all over the place today. My thoughts have gone back to this day and remembering each and every part of the day. Remembering how today was the last day she was in our arms, what she looked like, all those that were with us when we said goodbye. Our broken hearts and empty arms and the longing to have her back for just one more day. Even going back and watching her memorial service and feeling like it was just yesterday this all happened. And while all these thoughts are going on taking care of the boys and rejoicing in how blessed we are. Even though Lindsay isn't here she is and will always be in our hearts. I see her in her brothers, in her Daddy's eyes, in her cousin Emma's thoughts, in the lives she touched. There is some of Lindsay in all of us and that makes me happy. It still doesn't take away the pain in our hearts and in our arms but it keeps us going.

This weekend my sister Julie and her husband Garrett came for a visit. It was so much fun to have them come and for Tanner, Case, Wyatt to get to play with Emma, Ethan, Weston. I loved watching them all play but it broke my heart when the boys would be playing and there was no Ce~Ce for Emma. I felt so bad and even a little mad at God for a bit as to why Lindsay couldn't still be here for Emma. I am sure they would have been the best of friends. Emma will always have a special place in my heart and as I call her my baby girl :).

Tanner has picked the above picture of him and Lindsay. He said that is one of his favorite pictures of them. I also asked what he misses the most about Lindsay and his response was playing in the sand box at our mobile home. I am sure he has many favorite memories but this is what I got out of him today.
I was telling Jon earlier today how I have felt like I let Lindsay down today because I didn't do anything for her. His response was she needs nothing and she knows we are missing her :). Oh, how true that is.
3 years ago today Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of earth and opened her eyes in heaven. Oh, what she must have seen.

Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, Case, Wyatt miss you more than ever. We have spent the day thinking of you and remembering all the fun times we had with you. We wish you were still here with us so you could play with your brothers. We are so glad that we are your parents and that God gave you to us. You have and are still continuing to change people and bring them to Jesus. We love you so much Lindsay Bear and we look forward to the day when we can all be together with you in heaven. When I miss you the most I just pick up Case as he reminds me so much of you. His hugs bring a smile to my face and sometimes I just imagine that I am holding you. As you can see my thoughts are every where. But I couldn't let today go by with out writing something.

She has fought the good fight, She has finished the race, We have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will reward to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Sunday, April 24, 2011


The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know who you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; HE IS RISEN, just as he said. Matthew 28:5-6

Happy Easter to you all!!!!! We hope you take some time today to reflect on what Christ has done for you and for me. If you don't have him as the Lord and Savior of your life there is still room at the cross for you.

Last night as I was pulling the boy's easter outfits out I was missing Lindsay. I miss dressing up a little girl in a pretty Easter dress. I can only imagine what Lindsay and her friend Annabelle are wearing today. I bet it's the most prettiest Easter dress you have ever seen. I bet they are dancing and twirling at the feet of Jesus. Oh if heaven only had a window that we could see them.

I wonder what it's like to spend Easter in heaven.

The picture at the top is Lindsay's first Easter. The other one with Tanner, is Lindsay's last Easter here on earth.

Friday, April 15, 2011

One Of The Worst Days

I have to be honest this morning and say that for some reason in my mind this awful day 3 years ago was tomorrow. I don't know why I thought that but thank goodness for this blog. I went back to that post and checked and there it was.
I remember starting out the day by taking Lindsay down in the wagon for a chest x ray. I remember it was so hard to watch her being so weak. Jon helped the whole time by lifting her up and moving her around for the different pictures. She would let out these little moans which was so sad. We then took her and Tanner out to the playground for her to get some fresh air. She sat in her little wagon and watched Tanner. We then took her back to her room to rest. I remember that she was just not herself and then she broke out into some sort of rash. We had the doctor's come in and look at it but they didn't seem to worried. I remember asking her if she wanted uppies (to be held) so of course I scooped her up. Then it started to happen, she kept saying Mommy and I would say I am here Lindsay mommy is here. I remember looking at Jon and saying something is really wrong you better go get Julia (she was our nurse and our hero) She kept saying it over and over and then all of a sudden her breathing got funny and she was struggling to breathe and then her color changed. Just as this was happening Julia was walking by our room and looked in and knew something was wrong. All I remember after that was Julia taking her away and alarms going off and doctor's and nurses swarming every where. My body went numb as I had no idea what was going on. I remember telling the nurses to get Jon out of the room because I didn't want him to be in there alone and watching what was happening. We then went into a nurses office and prayed and prayed and prayed for her. We then had to call Mom and tell her to come back up to the floor right away. She had been at the play ground with Tanner. I am thankful he wasn't there to see all that happen.

I am sorry if this is hard for anyone to read. I didn't think I would write it all out but I felt I needed to. Even as hard as this was to write out I can look back and see that God was with us and taking care of us the whole time. Even though we didn't know what the next few weeks wold hold for us he did. Psalm 139: 8-10 says If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Then in verse 16 it says; When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How true is verse 16; that he knew on April 15,2008 that she would go into cardiac arrest and that on May 16, 2008 she would live with him.
I read again this morning in Streams in the desert this;The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure Word of God alone. And when we take Him at His word, our hearts are at peace.
God delights in causing us to exercise our faith. He does so to bless us individually, to bless the church at large, and as a witness to unbelievers. Yet we tend to retreat from the exercising of our faith instead of welcoming it. When trials come our response should be, "My heavenly Father has placed this cup of trails into my hands so I may later have something pleasant."
Trials are the food of faith. Oh may we leave ourselves in the hands of our heavenly Father! It is the joy of his heart to do good to all His children. Yet trials and difficulties are not the only way faith is exercised and thereby increased. Reading the Scriptures also acquaints us with God as He has revealed Himself in them.
Are you able to genuinely say, from your knowledge of God and your relationship with Him, that He is indeed a beautiful Being? If not, let me graciously encourage you to ask God to take you to that point, so you will fully appreciate His gentleness and kindness, so you will be able to say just how good He is, and so you will know what a delight it is to God's heart to do good for His children.
The closer we come to this point in our inner being, the more willing we are to leave ourselves in His hands and the more satisfied we are with all of His dealings with us. Then when trials come, we will say " I will patiently wait to see the good God will do in my life, with the calm assurance He will do it."
In this way, we will bear the testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others. (written by George Mueller) I thought this was fitting for today.

These past few days Case has been reminding me of Lindsay. He looks like her, is built like her, and does some things that remind me of her. It has been good to just pick him up and hold him tight for a few minutes and thank the Lord for him. Everything that he has been doing is what we have missed with watching Lindsay grow up. Each and every day is so special with all of the boys these days.

I am sorry this is so long but this is what was on my heart this morning.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

3 Years Ago Today

3 years ago today Jon and I did one of the hardest things we never thought we would have to do. 3 years ago today we had to hand over our baby girl to a nurse who took her into surgery to have her little heart fixed. I remember that day so clearly and I have thought about it several times today. After that we began this 3 year journey that we never thought we would have to go through. These next few weeks for us will be a time to remember those days Lindsay was in the hospital, to reflect on all the little miracles she came through, and to thank the Lord for being with us each step of the way.
I have been thinking all day what I should write today. I apologize for it taking me this long to write. Life with 3 boys has been busy and fun. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I cherish each moment of every day with them. I know that if Lindsay were still here she would have loved her brothers. She would have been their little mother, and most of all their best friend. The boys would have protected her, played tractors and dolls with her, and I am sure had tea parties with her. But I know that she is watching over them all the time.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would have been like. How long her hair would have been, hearing her talk, watching her with Wyatt, hearing her call Daddy and Mommy, looking cute wearing dresses, and even watching her and Emma play together. She is missed so much in our house.

I read this today in my devotions from Streams In The Desert; Inner stillness is an absolute necessity to truly knowing God. I remember learning this during a time of great crisis in my life. My entire being seemed to throb with anxiety, and the sense of need for immediate and powerful action was overwhelming. Yet the circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could have helped would not move.
For a time it seemed as if I would fall to pieces due to my inner turmoil. Then suddenly " a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) whispered in the depths of my soul, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10). The words were spoken with power and I obeyed . I composed myself, bringing my body to complete stillness, and forced my troubled spirit into quietness. Only then, while looking up and waiting, did I know that it was God who had spoken. He was in the midst of my crisis and my helplessness, and I rested in Him.
This was an experience I would not have missed for anything. I would also say it was from the stillness that the power seemed to arise to deal with the crisis, and that very quickly brought it to a successful resolution. It was during this crisis I effectively learned that my "strength is still". (written by Hannah Whitall Smith)

WOW!!! Looking back during Lindsay's time in the hospital this is so true. This devotional sums our whole experience. God was with us each and every day and we heard his voice and felt his presence is so many amazing ways. We always would end the day by praying with Lindsay before we left the hospital. I remember praying that God would prove the doctor's wrong and that Lindsay would blow there socks off. Even though she went to heaven she still proved them wrong a number of times which only God could have done. It was fun to watch there faces when something would happen with Lindsay that they didn't think could. We would just smile and say well we know who did this and how many of you were praying for her and for them.

Lindsay Bear,
We miss you more than ever today. We hope that what ever you are doing in heaven that you are having fun. We are proud of you and how strong you were 3 years ago today. You are always in our hearts and always on our mind. Thanks for making us so proud to be your parents.

Dear Lord,
Jon and I thank you for bringing us through these 3 years. With out you who knows where we would be. Thank you for allowing us to be Lindsay parents for the short time we had with her. Give her lots and hugs and kisses for us today. We ask that you continue to be with all the doctor's and nurses on 8 south and 8 east. Continue to give them the strength and wisdom to the best of there ability. Be with all the babies and kids on the 8th floor and help them all to get better. Thank you for a beautiful day for us to remember Lindsay.

We again thank you all for praying for us. Without all of you holding us up during that time we wouldn't be where we are today. I will try and be better at updating the blog better.

My Dad also wrote yesterday so please check that out.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Remembering Lindsay

I wasn't sure if Laura would post on the blog today, but our hearts are flooded today with many memories of Lindsay. This time three years ago was the preparation for Lindsay's first open heart surgery. It was a particularly tough day for Jon and Laura because on this same day, Laura had a miscarriage on top of anticipating their little girl having major surgery.  Little did we know how the events of the next several weeks would unfold.

Looking back, we are all very thankful for the love and support that you have provided to our kids during these difficult years. God gives grace and comfort, but the reality of Lindsay's absence is still very real and always present.

We are so proud of Laura and Jon and thank the Lord for the ways that they have turned this tragedy to triumph as they have opportunities to share Lindsay's story. So many of you followed the blog from the beginning of this adventure. We thought it would be a great encouragement to the kids to have you share words of encouragement with them over the next several weeks.

Thank you for walking THROUGH these tough times with us.


Bill and Jan Welte and Warren and Phyllis Groen