Wednesday, January 16, 2013

My Faith Is Like Shifting Sand

I listened to this song today from a Caedmon's Call cd. As I sat and sang along I couldn't help but think that this is totally how my faith can be at times. Sometimes it can be changed by every wave but then I stand on grace. Time and time again my faith is being tested by so many things in life. It could be little things that are going on or big things that are going on. Just like the waves come ashore and then washes out that is God taking what ever is bothering me and taking them away.
I just looked up what the lyrics to this song are truly about. Here is what it says;

This song is written from the perspective of someone who realizes his own weakness in regards to his faith. Like all Christians, he struggles with feeling strong of heart one moment, and faithlessly succumbing to his own desires the next. By the end of the song, he has realized that the foundation for his relationship with God is not his own faith, which wavers, but God’s Grace, which doesn’t change.

As I sat this morning on the computer looking through pictures of Lindsay I started to cry because I miss her so much. Then I found a few videos that I have on Facebook that I knew I just needed to see. I wanted to see her alive and smiling, laughing, and just being cute. But that just made it harder because now all I wanted was her. To hold her, hug her, talk to her, fix her hair, dress her up to match Sydney, watch her play, and I could go on. Wyatt was sitting next to me watching so I called Case over. He instantly knew that Tanner was in these videos but thought Lindsay was Wyatt. My heart broke just a little more as I told him no this is your sister Lindsay. I could tell by watching him that he was trying to process this. I sat and cried a little more knowing that he will never know her until we get to heaven. I know that he is still a little young to comprehend this but I can't wait until he is old enough to tell him more about her. After all this I once again go through in my mind all the why's and why her, why our family, and just like that my faith is slightly shifted. But then I remember that we can't change anything about what has happened and that we still need to trust that God had and still has a plan for her life and for ours. We need to stand on grace and know that his grace isn't ever going to change.  It says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10;  My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak I am strong. 
God must have known I needed to read that whole verse just now. I was only going to write verse 9 but then I kept reading. I will let you read the words and listen to  this song and maybe it will speak to some one like it spoke to me today.  You will have to pause my song list to hear the song.

Lindsay is never far from my thoughts and always on my heart.

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind
I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious
And like a consumer I’ve been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my fifteen minutes of faith
Then I’d be secure
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
I’ve begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily
A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I’ve seen so much
And I explained it away
Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It’d been there all the time