Lindsay's Blog

Dancing With Jesus

2011-06-20T21:37:00.005-04:00

I keep forgetting to post this in case some of you don't have facebook. Lindsay Dean passed away very unexpectedly on Friday June 17, 2011. Please pray for the Dean family during this difficult time. Suzie (lindsay's mom) has been very sick before this happened. So please especially pray for her.

My heart is very broken for them. I am sure our Lindsay was there to greet her with open arms. I can see them running and playing together to.

Thanks for continuing to pray for special families like this with us.

Happy Birthday Uncle Ben!!!

2011-06-04T09:39:00.007-04:00

Happy Birthday to my brother in law Ben today. As some of you know Ben and Ainsley have moved back here to NH. In January he was diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma. The last few days have been rough for him with a lot of leg pain. We know what the power of prayer can do when some one needs it. Ainsley is also due today with there 3rd baby. Plus they are trying to finish up there house and move into while all of this is going on. Please join us in praying for them.

I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us. I think he gives us these trials in life to draw us closer to him and to put are full trust in him with EVERYTHING that is going on in life. I have said this before that sometimes I wish we could see what he has in store for us before it happens so we can prepare our selves. But I don't think it would change anything because he would still be in control and He would be there to guide us through what ever he brings our way.

I have recently been struggling and being fearful of things that may or may not happen. I find myself watching the boys closer when they play outside and making sure they don't do something to hurt themselves. Or watching them close when they are sick. One of my biggest fears recently is that I will have cancer. It just seems that so many are getting it in some form these days. I have been clinging to the verse in Philippians 4:6-7; Do not be ANXIOUS about ANYTHING but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your REQUESTS to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I find myself repeating this verse over and over again when I am worried about something. And usually after a few minutes I feel God's peace come over me. I know that God has a plan for me and my family. I just need to sit back and put my whole TRUST in him everyday. Jeremiah 29:11 goes through my head a lot to, For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. I like what it says in the next verses to; Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will LISTEN to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. This is more than I was going to write but it feels better to share what has been on my heart. If you are still reading Thanks.

I have one more prayer request for you. Jon's cousin Dave's wife Destiny has just been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. They have two little boys; Tyler is 20 months, and there newest addition Devin is 3 weeks old. (and yes, another boy in the family). I know they are in the process of meeting with doctor's and other specialist. I know they would appreciate your prayers as well.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

2011-05-28T08:20:00.004-04:00

As I was sitting here this morning trying to find pictures of Mom and Lindsay and thinking about what I was going to write, I realized that Mom was with us when Lindsay entered this world on June 14,2006 in Luverne, MN and Mom was with us the day Lindsay went to heaven on May 16, 2008 in Boston, MA. Wow!!! Why I have never realized that I don't know but she was there. She was with us the whole time we were in Boston. As I look back now I don't know how we would have done it with out her. She was there for the happy times, the sad times, the fun times. She was a extra ear to listen to the doctor's and nurse's, the shoulder to cry on, the one who called Dad to tell him what was going on, we shared devotions together, prayed together, and I could go on.

My Mom is my best friend, my prayer warrior, the person I go to (other than Jon) when I need advice. I call my Mom everyday even if it's only for a few minutes or to see how her day is going. I am so glad that God chose her to be my Mom!!!!

We love you Mom/Granny and we hope you have a great birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

2011-05-21T09:25:00.004-04:00

I just wanted to write and say a big thank you to my Dad for starting this blog for us. If it wasn't for my Dad you wouldn't have gotten the information and updates on Lindsay. I love my Dad very much and he is my hero. He is always there when we need him and we can always count on him to just pray when we need him to . All his grandkids adore him and love being with him.

Happy Birthday Dad/ Pop-Pop!!! We love you a bushel and a peck, a hug around the neck, a barrel and a heap, and we are talking in our sleep about you.

Prayer Requests

2011-05-18T08:05:00.004-04:00

Good Morning!!! It is still raining here in NH. I am so ready for the sun to shine and to get outside.

I have some prayer requests for our faith prayer warriors today. So here they are; The first one is Lindsay Dean is still in the hospital. She has been sick for a few weeks now and her doctor's are trying to figure out what is going on. Praise the Lord it's not her new heart being rejected. But she still needs our prayers. Her link is to the left under heart friends.

The second one is for a new friend I have made through her blog and facebook. I have not met her face to face yet and hope to one day soon. She lives in Rochester so she isn't far away. On Dec 3, 2010 (the day after Wyatt) she gave birth to her daughter Rachel. Rachel had a condition called anencephaly. She lived 43 minutes on this earth and then entered heaven's gates. Through Rachel's story and like Lindsay's they have brought people to Christ through there stories. I don't know why Stacy has been on my heart this last few days but she has. I have had this tugging on my heart to just reach out to her and let her know that I have been where she is right now in her grief and missing her little girl. And to just let her know that I am praying for her. I have added her blog link to the left also under family and friends.

Thanks for praying for these dear friends. I wanted to also add the lyrics to the song Blessings by Laura Story that is the first song playing. I love this song and the lyrics.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

3 Years Ago Today

2011-05-16T16:37:00.004-04:00

I have been having a hard time today trying to decide what to write. My thoughts have been all over the place today. My thoughts have gone back to this day and remembering each and every part of the day. Remembering how today was the last day she was in our arms, what she looked like, all those that were with us when we said goodbye. Our broken hearts and empty arms and the longing to have her back for just one more day. Even going back and watching her memorial service and feeling like it was just yesterday this all happened. And while all these thoughts are going on taking care of the boys and rejoicing in how blessed we are. Even though Lindsay isn't here she is and will always be in our hearts. I see her in her brothers, in her Daddy's eyes, in her cousin Emma's thoughts, in the lives she touched. There is some of Lindsay in all of us and that makes me happy. It still doesn't take away the pain in our hearts and in our arms but it keeps us going.

This weekend my sister Julie and her husband Garrett came for a visit. It was so much fun to have them come and for Tanner, Case, Wyatt to get to play with Emma, Ethan, Weston. I loved watching them all play but it broke my heart when the boys would be playing and there was no Ce~Ce for Emma. I felt so bad and even a little mad at God for a bit as to why Lindsay couldn't still be here for Emma. I am sure they would have been the best of friends. Emma will always have a special place in my heart and as I call her my baby girl :).

Tanner has picked the above picture of him and Lindsay. He said that is one of his favorite pictures of them. I also asked what he misses the most about Lindsay and his response was playing in the sand box at our mobile home. I am sure he has many favorite memories but this is what I got out of him today.

I was telling Jon earlier today how I have felt like I let Lindsay down today because I didn't do anything for her. His response was she needs nothing and she knows we are missing her :). Oh, how true that is.

3 years ago today Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of earth and opened her eyes in heaven. Oh, what she must have seen.

Lindsay,

Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, Case, Wyatt miss you more than ever. We have spent the day thinking of you and remembering all the fun times we had with you. We wish you were still here with us so you could play with your brothers. We are so glad that we are your parents and that God gave you to us. You have and are still continuing to change people and bring them to Jesus. We love you so much Lindsay Bear and we look forward to the day when we can all be together with you in heaven. When I miss you the most I just pick up Case as he reminds me so much of you. His hugs bring a smile to my face and sometimes I just imagine that I am holding you. As you can see my thoughts are every where. But I couldn't let today go by with out writing something.

She has fought the good fight, She has finished the race, We have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will reward to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

HE IS RISEN

2011-04-24T06:57:00.004-04:00

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know who you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; HE IS RISEN, just as he said. Matthew 28:5-6

Happy Easter to you all!!!!! We hope you take some time today to reflect on what Christ has done for you and for me. If you don't have him as the Lord and Savior of your life there is still room at the cross for you.

Last night as I was pulling the boy's easter outfits out I was missing Lindsay. I miss dressing up a little girl in a pretty Easter dress. I can only imagine what Lindsay and her friend Annabelle are wearing today. I bet it's the most prettiest Easter dress you have ever seen. I bet they are dancing and twirling at the feet of Jesus. Oh if heaven only had a window that we could see them.

I wonder what it's like to spend Easter in heaven.

The picture at the top is Lindsay's first Easter. The other one with Tanner, is Lindsay's last Easter here on earth.

One Of The Worst Days

2011-04-15T08:06:00.003-04:00

I have to be honest this morning and say that for some reason in my mind this awful day 3 years ago was tomorrow. I don't know why I thought that but thank goodness for this blog. I went back to that post and checked and there it was.

I remember starting out the day by taking Lindsay down in the wagon for a chest x ray. I remember it was so hard to watch her being so weak. Jon helped the whole time by lifting her up and moving her around for the different pictures. She would let out these little moans which was so sad. We then took her and Tanner out to the playground for her to get some fresh air. She sat in her little wagon and watched Tanner. We then took her back to her room to rest. I remember that she was just not herself and then she broke out into some sort of rash. We had the doctor's come in and look at it but they didn't seem to worried. I remember asking her if she wanted uppies (to be held) so of course I scooped her up. Then it started to happen, she kept saying Mommy and I would say I am here Lindsay mommy is here. I remember looking at Jon and saying something is really wrong you better go get Julia (she was our nurse and our hero) She kept saying it over and over and then all of a sudden her breathing got funny and she was struggling to breathe and then her color changed. Just as this was happening Julia was walking by our room and looked in and knew something was wrong. All I remember after that was Julia taking her away and alarms going off and doctor's and nurses swarming every where. My body went numb as I had no idea what was going on. I remember telling the nurses to get Jon out of the room because I didn't want him to be in there alone and watching what was happening. We then went into a nurses office and prayed and prayed and prayed for her. We then had to call Mom and tell her to come back up to the floor right away. She had been at the play ground with Tanner. I am thankful he wasn't there to see all that happen.

I am sorry if this is hard for anyone to read. I didn't think I would write it all out but I felt I needed to. Even as hard as this was to write out I can look back and see that God was with us and taking care of us the whole time. Even though we didn't know what the next few weeks wold hold for us he did. Psalm 139: 8-10 says If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Then in verse 16 it says; When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How true is verse 16; that he knew on April 15,2008 that she would go into cardiac arrest and that on May 16, 2008 she would live with him.

I read again this morning in Streams in the desert this;The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure Word of God alone. And when we take Him at His word, our hearts are at peace.

God delights in causing us to exercise our faith. He does so to bless us individually, to bless the church at large, and as a witness to unbelievers. Yet we tend to retreat from the exercising of our faith instead of welcoming it. When trials come our response should be, "My heavenly Father has placed this cup of trails into my hands so I may later have something pleasant."

Trials are the food of faith. Oh may we leave ourselves in the hands of our heavenly Father! It is the joy of his heart to do good to all His children. Yet trials and difficulties are not the only way faith is exercised and thereby increased. Reading the Scriptures also acquaints us with God as He has revealed Himself in them.

Are you able to genuinely say, from your knowledge of God and your relationship with Him, that He is indeed a beautiful Being? If not, let me graciously encourage you to ask God to take you to that point, so you will fully appreciate His gentleness and kindness, so you will be able to say just how good He is, and so you will know what a delight it is to God's heart to do good for His children.

The closer we come to this point in our inner being, the more willing we are to leave ourselves in His hands and the more satisfied we are with all of His dealings with us. Then when trials come, we will say " I will patiently wait to see the good God will do in my life, with the calm assurance He will do it."

In this way, we will bear the testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others. (written by George Mueller) I thought this was fitting for today.

These past few days Case has been reminding me of Lindsay. He looks like her, is built like her, and does some things that remind me of her. It has been good to just pick him up and hold him tight for a few minutes and thank the Lord for him. Everything that he has been doing is what we have missed with watching Lindsay grow up. Each and every day is so special with all of the boys these days.

I am sorry this is so long but this is what was on my heart this morning.

3 Years Ago Today

2011-04-07T15:41:00.005-04:00

3 years ago today Jon and I did one of the hardest things we never thought we would have to do. 3 years ago today we had to hand over our baby girl to a nurse who took her into surgery to have her little heart fixed. I remember that day so clearly and I have thought about it several times today. After that we began this 3 year journey that we never thought we would have to go through. These next few weeks for us will be a time to remember those days Lindsay was in the hospital, to reflect on all the little miracles she came through, and to thank the Lord for being with us each step of the way.

I have been thinking all day what I should write today. I apologize for it taking me this long to write. Life with 3 boys has been busy and fun. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I cherish each moment of every day with them. I know that if Lindsay were still here she would have loved her brothers. She would have been their little mother, and most of all their best friend. The boys would have protected her, played tractors and dolls with her, and I am sure had tea parties with her. But I know that she is watching over them all the time.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would have been like. How long her hair would have been, hearing her talk, watching her with Wyatt, hearing her call Daddy and Mommy, looking cute wearing dresses, and even watching her and Emma play together. She is missed so much in our house.

I read this today in my devotions from Streams In The Desert; Inner stillness is an absolute necessity to truly knowing God. I remember learning this during a time of great crisis in my life. My entire being seemed to throb with anxiety, and the sense of need for immediate and powerful action was overwhelming. Yet the circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could have helped would not move.

For a time it seemed as if I would fall to pieces due to my inner turmoil. Then suddenly " a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) whispered in the depths of my soul, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10). The words were spoken with power and I obeyed . I composed myself, bringing my body to complete stillness, and forced my troubled spirit into quietness. Only then, while looking up and waiting, did I know that it was God who had spoken. He was in the midst of my crisis and my helplessness, and I rested in Him.

This was an experience I would not have missed for anything. I would also say it was from the stillness that the power seemed to arise to deal with the crisis, and that very quickly brought it to a successful resolution. It was during this crisis I effectively learned that my "strength is still". (written by Hannah Whitall Smith)

WOW!!! Looking back during Lindsay's time in the hospital this is so true. This devotional sums our whole experience. God was with us each and every day and we heard his voice and felt his presence is so many amazing ways. We always would end the day by praying with Lindsay before we left the hospital. I remember praying that God would prove the doctor's wrong and that Lindsay would blow there socks off. Even though she went to heaven she still proved them wrong a number of times which only God could have done. It was fun to watch there faces when something would happen with Lindsay that they didn't think could. We would just smile and say well we know who did this and how many of you were praying for her and for them.

Lindsay Bear,

We miss you more than ever today. We hope that what ever you are doing in heaven that you are having fun. We are proud of you and how strong you were 3 years ago today. You are always in our hearts and always on our mind. Thanks for making us so proud to be your parents.

Dear Lord,

Jon and I thank you for bringing us through these 3 years. With out you who knows where we would be. Thank you for allowing us to be Lindsay parents for the short time we had with her. Give her lots and hugs and kisses for us today. We ask that you continue to be with all the doctor's and nurses on 8 south and 8 east. Continue to give them the strength and wisdom to the best of there ability. Be with all the babies and kids on the 8th floor and help them all to get better. Thank you for a beautiful day for us to remember Lindsay.

We again thank you all for praying for us. Without all of you holding us up during that time we wouldn't be where we are today. I will try and be better at updating the blog better.

My Dad also wrote yesterday so please check that out.

Remembering Lindsay

2011-04-06T21:28:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure if Laura would post on the blog today, but our hearts are flooded today with many memories of Lindsay. This time three years ago was the preparation for Lindsay's first open heart surgery. It was a particularly tough day for Jon and Laura because on this same day, Laura had a miscarriage on top of anticipating their little girl having major surgery. Little did we know how the events of the next several weeks would unfold.

Looking back, we are all very thankful for the love and support that you have provided to our kids during these difficult years. God gives grace and comfort, but the reality of Lindsay's absence is still very real and always present.

We are so proud of Laura and Jon and thank the Lord for the ways that they have turned this tragedy to triumph as they have opportunities to share Lindsay's story. So many of you followed the blog from the beginning of this adventure. We thought it would be a great encouragement to the kids to have you share words of encouragement with them over the next several weeks.

Thank you for walking THROUGH these tough times with us.

Love,

Bill and Jan Welte and Warren and Phyllis Groen

Sorry It's Been So Long

2010-08-05T09:27:00.004-04:00

It has been a long time since I have written. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update. We have been really busy lately. Jon has been trucking for his Uncle Keith for a month now and the boys and I have been hanging out at home as well as in NJ. We miss when he is not around and we do get to see him often. The truck that he has been driving is the same truck that he drove Lindsay's last summer. We have lots of fun memories in the truck when we went along with Jon.

The boys are doing well and growing up way to fast. They keep me pretty busy all day. They are growing closer together as brother's which is awesome to watch. We are looking forward to our newest addition coming sometime in December. Jon and I are hoping for a little girl but Tanner wants another brother. We will see who is right when the time comes. Baby Groen is right on schedule and is getting more and more active. We did have a fetal echo done a few weeks ago and the babies heart is perfect. We thank the Lord for that everyday.

Lindsay is still never to far from our minds. We think of her often and talk about her a lot. We have seen lots of Lindsay butterflies this summer which always brings a smile to our faces. It is fun to see Tanner get so excited when he sees one. We have been spending time in NJ and have been playing lots with Emma and Ethan. I have enjoyed watching them get excited as well when they see a Lindsay butterfly. Emma talks about Ce~Ce a lot and often asks Julie if she can go and play with her. I am sure that if Lindsay were still here that Emma and her would be best friends and so much fun to watch. I feel so bad sometimes when I see her and wish so much that Lindsay was around to play with her. Sometimes I feel it's so unfair that she had to leave us so soon. And why her, even though I wouldn't want anyone to go through this. But I know that God has a reason and one day we will find out that reason when we are with him. Until then we need to keep her memory alive and continue to share her story with others.

We hope you will still continue to keep up with the blog. I am going to try much harder to keep it updated. We love you all very much and thank you for your continued prayers for our family.

Because Of The Cross

2010-05-16T06:39:00.006-04:00

Today at 1:00 p.m. marks Lindsay's 2 year anniversary in Heaven. How can 2 years have passed already when some days it feels like it was just yesterday. Some days I still think I am in this huge dream and I am going to wake up and everything will be the same. I do remember one dream I had the night before Lindsay went home. It was just after the doctors had called to tell us that something had happened in her belly. I remembering trying to fall back to sleep but so much was going through my head. I guess I finally did fall asleep, but my Pop-Pop Welte came to me in my dream and told me that Lindsay was going to be o.k. and that he was going to take care of her. You see my Pop-Pop has been in heaven for years. I remember waking up trying to shake it off and thinking I was crazy. But I really wasn't because he was right and he as well as my Mema, Nanny, Bebe, Grandpa and Grandma Groen, and Grandpa and Grandma Burgers are all in heaven with her taking care of her. I am comforted in knowing that she isn't alone and that she is fine and happy. Like my title says that's all because of the cross. Because of the cross and what Jesus did for you and me, we will be able to see Lindsay again. So on this 2 year angel anniversary I am thankful for what Christ did for me on the cross and the promises that he has made to me in knowing that one day we will all be with Lindsay in paradise. If you are reading this and don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior don't let the day go by without talking to some one. Lindsay's book is still being written and already through her life people have gotten saved.

I know have have said this on so many posts but I am going to say it again; THANK YOU. Thank you for the prayers, comments on the blog, encouragement, hugs, and just being there when we have needed you. I can't end this without saying a huge THANK YOU to all the doctors, nurses, ecmo nurses, on 8 south and 8 east. Because of them Lindsay had the best care we could have asked for. They sacrifice so much of there own lives to be in the hospital to take care of kids that really need them. We are thankful for each and every one of them who took care of Lindsay. Tanner and I still pray for them all every night at bed time as well as all the babies and kids on the 8th floor.

I am going to leave you with a picture video that I put together in memory of Lindsay's time in the hospital. Many have never seen some of these pictures and they may be hard to look at. But we cherish each one of them because they are the last pictures we have of her.

Lindsay Bear, Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, and Case miss you so much. We talk about you all the time and you will always be with us and in our hearts. We love you more than you know and we are proud of you in so many ways. Today after church we are going to have a picnic in the park and we will be thinking of you the whole day. We send you lots of hugs and kisses towards heaven today.

From Movies

2010-05-02T07:33:00.003-04:00

I apologize for not keeping this updated as often as I wanted to. Life has been very crazy here at our house. I was really sick for a few days and thankfully I am way better now. Plus add to that chasing after the kids and all the other activities that we are involved in. This is the start of a whole new month as well as the start to the month of remembering where we were two years ago. Some of them I just want to forget about and pretend none of them ever happened and that I am going to wake up soon and she will be here. But that's not going to happen and so we continue to hold on to Jesus. He has brought us this far in this journey I know he will continue to carry us until we are reunited with her again. Oh, what a day that will be. I just added this song this morning called, Sing To Jesus. One of the verses in the song says this; Come you weary and he will give you rest, Come you who mourn, lay on his breast, Christ who died risen in Paradise, Giver of mercy, Giver of life. I love to think that when we are sad that we can just lay on his breast and he will comfort us. He gave Lindsay the life she had here on earth and now he has given her a life with no more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears, and her heart is whole. As much as I want her here with us so bad, I wouldn't want her here if she was suffering and hurting. Lindsay, We miss you so much and we love you more than you know.

The walk is coming up very soon and we are so excited to get to go this year. We still need to raise as much money as we can. If you would like to help here are the links to our walk pages;

https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/pfp.asp?ID=GL0040 ~ Laura

https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gj0106 ~ Jon

https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gt0025 ~ Tanner

On May 19, 2010 we will be putting the Lindsay Bear Baskets together at our MOPS group. I am so excited to get them put together and delivered. Last week I did some inventory of all the stuff we have. We have 91 bears and 44 baskets. We are still in need of a few things to put them together. We need; Life is good socks, note cards, gift cards (Starbucks, McDonalds, Subway, CVS). I will be sure and update when we are done and add some pictures for you.

A few prayer requests before I end this post. Please be praying for my brothers wife Jenny who will soon give birth to there 2nd baby. She is being watched very closely during this pregnancy. My Aunt Jeanne will be having her surgery on May 17. Pray for peace for her, my Uncle Mark and my cousins Jeff and Megan. My sister Julie is also expecting in November and my sister in law Alyssa. Alyssa is Jon's brother Aaron's wife. Lots of babies coming this year.

We thank you for continuing to follow Lindsay's blog and for praying for us. We love you all.

2 Years Ago

2010-04-08T08:59:00.004-04:00

For some of you this picture may be hard to look at but I thought it was good to show. You may find over the next several weeks that I will post pictures of Lindsay's time in the hospital. I didn't at first want to take any pictures of her like this but now I am glad I did. I know they are hard to look at but these are the last pictures we have of her and we cherish everyone of them.

Yesterday marked 2 years ago that Lindsay had her open heart surgery as well as 2 years ago that we lost another baby to a miscarriage. Yesterday was hard for me and I found myself just missing her and wanting to hold her. I thought a lot about the things that happened 2 years ago the waiting during surgery, waiting to see her, not being prepared to see what she looked like, finally seeing her and hearing and seeing her wanting me to hold her. In fact when we came in the room she raised her hands at me and wanted upies (which we means pick me up) and was saying juice. My heart broke that I couldn't pick her up and run out of there and bring her home so she wouldn't have to go through that. But we did what we felt was best for her and we knew that God was going to bring us through all of it. He brought his through so much, some of it good and some not so good. But God never left us and he stood by us even 2 years later. Even sitting here updating this I am having trouble finding what to write. So many thoughts, so many memories, so much I wish I could say. I am so glad we have a God who loves us so much and gives us so many promises and so many things to look forward to when we get to heaven. I am going to try and update more in the next few weeks as best I can. So check back when you can.

We still can't thank all of the doctor's and nurse's on 8 south and 8 east who took care of Lindsay. We are so thankful for there hard work that they do everyday for kids of all ages.

We have recently found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant!!!!! We are very excited and also a little nervous. As my pregnancies have gone this is the time when I would miscarry. So please pray for the little one growing inside.

Missing Our Bear

2010-03-25T21:48:00.003-04:00

The other day I was really missing Lindsay. It all started when I changed my back round picture on our lap top. It is the picture I have at the top of this blog. I was remembering that day at my cousin Jeff's house. We were at our annual Palm Saturday get together with my side of the family. The kids had so much fun playing together and it was fun watching them. Little did any of us know that this was the last time they were all together. I can remembering leaving and everyone saying goodbye and how they would be praying and that Lindsay would be o.k. I truly believed that she would be and that this would have been a quick simple fix and that life would go back to normal. But it didn't and God wanted her in heaven more. As I was looking at the picture I couldn't get over how cute and beautiful she was. So I went upstairs and looked in the bin of clothes to find that out fit. Once I found it I put it on the bear and that's when it hit. Why do I have to dress the bear? I want to dress her, hold her, hear her giggle, see her smile, hear her say Mommy, Daddy, and I could go on. I thought I had my emotions under control and then my sister Julie called at just the right time. I answered but then couldn't speak and she knew something was bothering me. She then told Emma that Aunt Ra~Ra was sad and crying. I could hear Emma get worried and ask why was I crying. Julie told her it was because I was missing Ce~Ce (that's what Emma calls her ), she then said It o.k. Aunt Ra~Ra she will be over in a few days. Well that melted my heart and made me happy again. I guess what I am trying to say is that we still miss her so much. Some days it comes harder than others but we can rejoice that one day we will see her again.

Next month begins 2 years of this journey we are on. I hope to try and blog more and share more of my thoughts. As we look back and reflect on everything that happened we will remember the happy times, the many mini miracles she accomplished, and the many lives that she touched. I know I have said this before but if any of you want to share with us how Lindsay changed your life please do so.

As I close this, tomorrow morning we will be headed to NJ and then to MD on Saturday for our annual Palm Saturday get together. We didn't get together last year so this year will be a little hard. But I know we will be able to get through it because we will be with our family.

Thank you for all your continued prayers for our family. I will be updating Tanner and Case's blog soon on how they are doing.

Walk, Lindsay Bear Baskets, Update On Aunt Jeanne

2010-02-23T10:46:00.029-05:00

Jon, Tanner, Case and I as well as 20 other family and friends are once again walking in memory of Lindsay on June 13, 2010 for NSTAR'S walk for Children's Hosptial Boston. As most of you know we were hoping to do this last year but Case decided to come into the world the day before. The rest of the team went and walked but Jon and I stayed behind and got to know Case. So this year we will be there and we are so excited about it. In order for us to do this we need to raise some money. If you are interested in sponsoring one of us here is the links to our pages. Tanner gets to raise money this year and he is very excited about it.

Jon ~ https://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gj0106

Tanner~ http://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gt0025

Laura~ http://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?ID=gl0040

We are once again starting to collect things for the Lindsay Bear Baskets. My mom, mother in law, my sister, and I got some awesome deals on Valentine's bears for the baskets this past week. We have enough for this round and a start for the next round. If you are interested in helping again please email me at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. We will be putting them together sometime in May with my MOPS group.

My Aunt Jeanne is doing great. She was in the hospital with some blood clots in her leg and arms. They got them under control and she is back home and back to work. The biggest new this week is that her blood test results from the chemo are down to 47 from 937 :). They want them to be at 21 so she can have her surgery. We are all praising the Lord that the numbers are dropping. Please continue to pray for her. I know she appreciates all the prayers she can get.

Thanks again for your continued prayers for our family. Lindsay still lives in all of us and we love and miss her all the time. Case is starting to look like her more and more each day.

We love you all!!!

CHD Awareness Week

2010-02-11T11:07:00.010-05:00

This week marks CHD week. CHD stands for Congenital Heart Defect. I thought some of you would be interested in some information about this and can some how raise more awareness for it.

~ CHDs are the #1 birth defect and the #1 cause of infant death related to birth defects. 1 in every 100 babies born will have a CHD (1 in every 800-1000 babies born has Down Syndrome).

~ 1 in 10 of those born with a CHD will have a fatal defect.

~ In the US there are nearly twice as many deaths due to CHDs than that of all forms of childhood cancers combined. Yet there is 5 times more research for pediatric cancer than for CHDs.

~ The cost of inpatient surgery alone for CHDs exceeds 2.2 billion dollars per year.

~ There are approximately 35 known Congenital Heart Defects.

~ Causes for CHDs are still being studied. While there is no known definitive cause, it is said that both genetics and environmental factors can play a role. Scientists have actually identified over 100 mutations that are directly linked to the heart.

~There is no known cure for CHDs. However, the mortality rate after surgery has significantly decreased in the past 20-30 years. On average it is about 5% compared to the 30% it was. At the same time, the rate of incidence of CHDs has remained unchanged.

~ With advances in medicine, many of those born with a CHD will have their first and sometimes only corrective surgery before age 2.

~ Many of those living with a CHD go on to lead normal to near normal lives. Those with complex CHDs will also go on to lead longer and more active lives than before. Most will have some physical limitations, but almost all learn to move pass them.

~ Only about 30% of the children who need a heart transplant receive one in time.

~ About 40,000 units of blood are used every day yet only about 5% of the adults, the only ones who are eligible to donate blood, do so. Someone needs blood every three seconds in the United States; that someone is often one of our heart children.

~ Education is the first step in helping these children live happier, healthier lives!

In honor of this week my very good friend Jessica Twigg who also lost her little boy Ethin is having a basketball game on February 16, 2010 in Newaygo, MI to raise awareness as well as funds to help with CHD research. She asked me to send her a picture of Lindsay as well as a paragraph about her and what her CHD's were. I have to tell you that was hard to do. Because it brought back so many memories and well as just the reality that this has happened and that she is no longer here with us. But I am glad I did it and that she will be remembered during that game. Each team member is playing either in honor of or in memory of a child with a CHD. I am so excited to see how this goes for Jessica and to see pictures. She had special shirts made up and the player will wear a shirt with Lindsay's name. We will then get the shirt sent to us. So look for another update on how it goes and pictures. I thank God for sending Jessica my way. I have been able to chat with her on face book as well as on the phone. I have seen her go through the highs and lows of grief. I hope that in some small way I have helped her during this difficult time in her and our lives. You can check on Ethin's blog here on the right hand side under heart family. Please continue to pray for her.
Thanks Jessica for allowing us to have Lindsay remembered in this game. I know that Ethin and Lindsay are playing and having a great time together in heaven!

Update On Aunt Jeanne

2010-01-13T09:56:00.006-05:00

Thank you all for praying for my Aunt. She had her first chemo treatment last week and did great. She has gone back to work for now. I have added her care page on the right hand side under family and friends. Please check there for more updates. She has felt very blessed by all the prayers she has gotten so far.

I have also added some pictures for you to look through from Christmas. I have another one to add later.

12-24-09

Please Pray For My Aunt Jeanne

2010-01-01T09:21:00.003-05:00

Our family needs your prayers again. We just found out last night that my Aunt Jeanne has Stage IV ovarian cancer. She is my mom's baby sister. My Aunt is very special to me and I love her very much. We know that God is in control of this whole thing and we are going to trust him that she is going to be ok. Please pray for my Uncle Mark and my cousin's Jeff and Megan. She will be meeting with a surgeon on Monday so I will know more then. So check back for more updates. She is not in any pain and she is healthy. We sometimes don't know why these trials come in our lives but we do know that God loves us and only gives us what we can handle. My Aunt said last night that one thing she learned from my Nanny was that even in the hard time we need to be thankful. I am thankful for my Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Mark. They have been big prayer warriors for us during Lindsay's time in the hospital. They came to visit her which was so special to Jon and I. So now it is our turn to be prayer warriors for her.

Aunt Jeanne,
I love you so very much. I am not going to stop praying for you. God is in control of everything that is happening. We pray for peace for you guys and that you will feel God's presence in every step of the way. We support you and we will be there for you when you need us. Thanks for being such a great Aunt to all of us. Our family has some of the greatest memories together that I will cherish for ever.
Uncle Marker( this is what the our kids call him), Jeff and Meg,
I love all so much to. I am praying for strength and for you as you stand with your Mom and support her in every decision that is made.

Another Christmas In Heaven

2009-12-24T10:09:00.002-05:00

I wonder what Christmas is like in heaven? Is there lots of beautiful trees there, lots of lights, snow, and I could go on. A little glimpse would be nice to see what Lindsay is doing on Christmas Eve. I bet they are getting ready for the biggest Christmas birthday party ever. I am sure Me Ma is making up lots of her famous fruit cup as well as her chocolate chips cookies while Nan and Bebe are getting the turkey ready with all our favorite trimmings. I bet Pop-Pop has been making beautiful ornaments for the trees. Grandma Groen has probably gotten all her Christmas letters done which I can imagine is pages long with the growing Groen family. At least this is what I hope is happening in heaven today. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I have so many memories of Christmas mornings when I was a kid. I treasure each and every memory I have. I wish we could have more Christmas memories with Lindsay but I will cherish the ones that we did have with her. In the above picture is Lindsay's last Christmas reading the Christmas story and Twas the night before Christmas with Pop-Pop. I know it's not the greatest picture but it holds a lot of memories for me. My very good friend Rebecca wrote this today on her blog. Rebecca's little girl Annabelle is also in heaven with Lindsay. I love what she wrote;
I am reminded that although we may want things to be different this Christmas, they are the way they are supposed to be...because He planned it this way and because He knew, long before the first Christmas and before the beginning of time, that it was best. He loves us that much...
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Thanks Rebecca for sharing this because this is what I needed to hear.

We want to wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas. We thank you all for continuing to follow this blog and pray for us. We love you all more than you know. May God richly bless you and your family this year.

Before I end I want to leave you with this poem that my new friend Jessica wrote for her son. Ethin is spending his first Christmas is heaven. When I read this the other day I felt like this was Lindsay talking to me. Jessica writes beautiful poems and I love reading them. Thanks Jessica for allowing me to share this with my blogger friends.

The angels are singing up here songs of joyous measure
Songs of a birth songs that many treasure
The tree here is enormous so full and green
It really is the most perfect tree my eyes have ever seen
God took me in his arms today and told me of Jesus’ birth
He shared with me the way you would celebrate on Earth
Mommy I am spending Christmas in Heaven this year
I want you to be happy please do not shed another tear
Jesus’ took all the children here to hills where there is snow
We went sledding and laughter filled the air I thought you’d like to know
The angels taught us all a chorus wow they are amazing
I am here in Heaven spending Christmas with our King
This is hard for you and I want to ease the pain inside your heart
I am here in Heaven spending Christmas, but we are not far apart
Sometimes I worry about you and God tells me you’ll be OK
He told me your going to send a kiss to me on Christmas Day
He tells me all the time how much you miss and love me
When your smiling and having fun I look in on you so I can see
I like it when I get to hear your laugh and see you having fun
As Christmas time approaches remember the gift of God’s son
This is not forever God told me you will be here one day
We will spend Christmas in Heaven together that’s what I heard him say
Until then my Christmas wish mommy I want to share
Hold my blanket and monkey and feel in your heart I am there
I want you to be happy and live your life down there
God’s plan for you is not done I know you think it’s not fair
So just remember that even when you do not seem to understand
Know that I am in Heaven for Christmas holding my Savior’s hand
Your Christmas wish was heard God shared that with me also
He said there was something you wanted me to know
He said that you love me ever passing day and that you miss me too
I am spending Christmas in Heaven and mommy I know this is hard for you
So Merry Christmas mommy I Love You Too please hold that when life is not fun
Love Always, Ethin Your Perfect Heart Angel, Warrior, Punk, and Son

Jessica Twigg
12-19-09

Merry Christmas!!!

Perfect Heart For Tanner

2009-12-02T17:32:00.003-05:00

We are praising God today that Tanner's heart is perfect and nothing is wrong. His heart murmur is an innocent one and she doesn't need to see him again!!!! The doctor said that the echo pictures were beautiful and so was the EKG. We felt totally peace through out his appointment and we can't thank you enough for praying for him and for us. I had a hard time for a little bit but I was able to pull myself together and stay calm. Everyone that took care of Tanner today took care of Lindsay. And let me tell you they have not forgotten about her. Dr. Gauthier was bursting at the seams when she came into talk with us. The first thing she said was everything is awesome. We are so thankful that nothing is wrong. I have to admit that when we got the news I was a little sad that we didn't get the same news for Lindsay. I know that God's plan for her life is different than Tanner's but it still hit home for me. God still cares for us even though we now how to live the rest of our lives with out her. But I still sit and wonder what she would be doing, what she would look like, how she would be with Case and I could go on. Today at MOPS one of our Moppets workers came up to me and asked how many children I had. She had no idea about Lindsay but I of course was happy to tell her about her. A little while later she came back in the room to talk. She looked at me and said I am so ready to go home. And then she said when I do I will be sure and run to find Lindsay and scoop her up and put her on my knee and take good care of her. Well I about lost it after hearing that. This lady loves little kids and has the best time sitting and holding them or playing with them. I know I look forward to that day to but until then I will cherish all the memories we have with her. She will always be our little Lindsay Bear!

While we were there we were told that Baby Micah was going back to Boston. Please be praying for him and his family. You can follow his blog on the right hand side.

Again we thank you all for your love, support, and most of all prayers. As I sat last night and read all the message from family and friends my heart was soaring knowing that so many of you still follow us and still pray. I don't know what I would have been like today without you all being behind us. Thank you, Thank you. Most of all thank you Lord for being with us today as well as Tanner. Thank you for his perfect heart that you created. And thank you for giving us Lindsay and letting her be apart of our lives for the short time she was with us. Give her lots of extra hugs and kisses for us today. Amen!!!

We Need Your Prayers

2009-11-23T13:03:00.005-05:00

Last month I took Tanner for his 5 year old check up. His check up went really well other than they heard a heart murmur. We have found out that this can be very common in boys his age but considering everything we went through with Lindsay we are getting it checked out. His appointment for the cardiologists appointment was is on Dec 2 at 12:45. The appointment was already
set up with and an echo and they will keep that for Tanner. He is going to the same doctor that Lindsay went to which we are very thankful for. We have not told Tanner yet as we don't want to scare him. Please pray for him and that when we do tell him that he won't freak out. Pray for peace of mind for Jon and I. Also pray for the rest of our family as they are worried and scared as well. This has all been hard to handle but we are putting our full trust in God that he is going to take care of us and Tanner. I will keep you updated and let you know how things go.
Thanks again for your prayers.

Update On Baby Micah

2009-11-04T20:39:00.002-05:00

I got an update about and hour ago about Micah. Here is the update; His surgeon just came to talk with Jay and Susanne. Everything went well!!! They did both the hole in the heart, as well as the pulmonary artery. His heart rhythm isn't what it should be, so he is on a small pacemaker. They will wean him off of that as is appropriate, and take him off once he doesn't need it anymore. He may have to go back in 6 wks for some sort of treatment, not sure what that will be. Praise God for good news!!! Please continue to pray that his recovery will go well!

Thanks for praying for this family today. Please continue to pray for them in the next few hours as well as into tomorrow. If I hear anything more I will update. I know that they will appreciate all the prayers they can get.

Thanks again and we love you all!!

Pray For Baby Micah

2009-11-03T11:54:00.003-05:00

Our friends from church Susanne and Jason Kelsall and their son Micah (3 months old) are in Boston today doing his pre-op testing. He will be having open heart surgery tomorrow morning. I don't know the time yet but I am asking that you join us in praying for Micah, his parents Jason, Susanne, as well as the doctors, nurses, and all the other people who will be attending to him tomorrow. Our nurse Moira from 8 south told me that she will look for them tomorrow and try and get on there team. How awesome would that be if she was his nurse. I will update tomorrow when I hear any kind of news on him. Jon and I are planning on going to see him sometime in the next few days. They need our prayers as well as the 3 other kids they have who will be at home.
This hits me in so many ways. I just went and looked back and read when we did all this a year ago. We know all the emotions they are going through even today and especially tomorrow. I never would have thought then that I would be sitting here today with out Lindsay. But God sure knew that she wouldn't be here. God has brought us through so much and he has never left our sides. If we didn't have him by our side I don't think I could have made it this far. But I am here because of God's love for me and for all of you who prayed us through this time in our lives. So as you go about your day today please remember this family in your prayers. As you tuck your little ones into bed tonight hold them a little closer for awhile. When I put Tanner to bed every night we always pray for our nurses, all the babies and kids on 8 south, and all the other heart babies we have been following. And I always end by asking God to give Lindsay lots of hugs and kisses and tell her how much we love and miss her.

Urgent Prayers Needed

2009-10-15T11:51:00.003-04:00

I just checked Lindsay Dean's blog and she had to take a helicopter ride to the hospital. She has a high fever and possiable signs of rejection. Please pray for her and for her family. You can check on her blog which is under our heart family on the right.

Lord we ask that you be with Lindsay right now. Help her to pull through what ever her little body is going through. Be with her family as they are with her and fill them with the peace that only you can give them. We thank you for all that Lindsay has made it through and what a special little girl she is. In your name, Amen

Vacation 2009

2009-10-14T16:40:00.003-04:00

We recently went on vacation to Gordonsville, VA and had lots of fun. We sure missed Lindsay and wished she was with us to enjoy all the fun we had. We took tons of pictures and made lots of memories. We would like to share them with you.

10-2-09

I am sorry that I haven't been writing as often as I would like to. Life is busy these days with a baby and an almost 5 year old. I will write again in a few days as I have a lot on my mind to share. We are wanting to start another round of Lindsay Baskets soon. So if you are interested in helping again please let me know. We found out than an Explore Girls Group in PA will be helping us this time. They will do this as there special project for the year. I have added another name to our heart family list. Please pray for Jessica who is struggling and could use our prayers. We also have a family from church whose little boy Micah will be having open heart surgery at Children's Hospital Boston on November 4, 2009. We are hoping to get to visit them while they are there. I will keep you updated on little Micah. So far he is doing well and gaining lots of weight which is hard for a heart baby to do.
We hope you are all enjoying this beautiful fall weather we are having. The colors here in New England are so beautiful. I wonder what they look like from heaven and if only we could get a glimpse.

Love to each and everyone of you,
Jon, Laura, Tanner, Case

Lindsay Basket Movie

2009-10-09T10:55:00.003-04:00

Click this link to view the video!!

Movies

Prayers For Miss Shanyah's Family

2009-09-10T20:38:00.003-04:00

It is with a very heavy heart that I ask you to pray for another heart family. Little Miss Shanyah who we have listed here in our heart family has flown to Jesus. She passed away on Sept 4, 2009. We were able to meet her mom Alicia and give little Shanyah a basket. My heart aches for all these families who have lost there little ones. I know that God has a plan for all these people and sometimes it is hard to see that plan now. I hope that Lindsay was there to welcome her into heaven and that Lindsay will now have a new friend to play with.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us as well as the many other heart babies. Keep praying for them as well as the doctors and nurses.

A Family In Need Of Prayer

2009-09-08T14:25:00.003-04:00

My Dad sent me an email this monring of a family who comes to Keswick who is in need of our pryaers. Brett and Tracey Zimmerman's little boy Ezra who was born on June 17,2009 passed away on Sunday Sept 6. Please join us in praying for this family. As I sat and feed Case a few minutes ago I began to pray for this family. The pain of losing a child is so hard and we know all to well what they are going through. My Mom told me on the phone today that she was praying for this family and an image popped into her head. It was of Lindsay sitting on Jesus lap reaching out for baby Ezra then Lindsay held him in her arms and cuddled him. WOW!!! What an awesome image that was and how true it is. I could picture in my mind the same thing after she told me about it. I am sure that Lindsay will take such good care of Baby Ezra just like he was her brother.

Lord, We ask that you surround the Zimmerman family today with peace. Hold them in your ever loving arms and be with them. Thank you for your promise that one day soon we will be renited with Lindsay and with Ezra. Thanks for joining us in praying for the Zimmerman family!

Coming Soon

2009-08-31T11:51:00.002-04:00

I am so sorry I haven't posted anything in a long time. I will try and write something in the next day or to. I just wanted to let you all know that we are doing good and enjoying our newest family member. Between feeding Case, changing his diapers and all the other motherly things through out the day I haven't been good about keeping up my thoughts. I will get this updated very soon I promise. We hope you all have had a great summer with your families. Thanks for continuing to check Lindsay's blog and for praying for our family.

The picture I posted is an oil painting that Judy Dickinson painted for us. We have it hanging in our bedroom.

Lindsay Dean Is Home!

2009-07-16T15:09:00.004-04:00

I just wanted to let you all know that Lindsay Dean went home from the hospital today. I can only imagine how happy her family is today as they finally bring her home. Please pray for them as they adjust to this new time with her. God has brought little Miss Lindsay through so much. She is truly a miracle. Check out her blog for more updates and pictures of the little cutie.

Case Is A Month Old!!

2009-07-13T10:15:00.004-04:00

Today Case is a month old already. It seems like he took so long wanting to come into the world and it's been a month since he has been here already. He is a growing boy and has been a very good baby. At his last check up he was 11 lbs 9 oz and was 23 inches long. He was been pretty much sleeping through the night now which has been nice. He has just started to really focus on our faces and will give us a few smiles to. Seeing him smile can brighten my day in a instant. Tanner has been great with him and will often during the day talk to him or just check on him. They are going to be best buds when Case gets older. Tanner will often talk about the things he is going to teach Case.

I was rocking Case the other day and really thinking and missing Lindsay. I often will talk to Case about his big sister and how much she loves him. I miss her so much lately and especially with Case being here now. She would be his little mother I am sure and she would take good care of him. I am sure she is watching his every move from heaven. Lately I sit and think back to a year ago and still wonder why God needed her more. If we could just have another day with her, another chance to hold her, see her smile, and watch her with Case. Then I remember that God knew this was going to happen and nothing can change that. I look forward to when Case gets older to telling him all about her and showing him all the pictures and videos we have of her. Even though he will never know her (which breaks my heart) I want him to know how special she was and is to all of us. I hope the same thing for all of Lindsay's cousin's as well.
Thanks for continuing to pray for all our heart baby friends. Lindsay Dean is doing great and getting better everyday. Keep praying for all of them.

Happy One Month Birthday Case! Daddy, Mommy, Tanner, and Lindsay are so happy to have you apart of our family. We love you very much and we look forward to watching you grow. Thank you Lord for this healthy baby boy you have given to us!

Please Pray

2009-07-03T18:54:00.004-04:00

We would like you to please pray for Baby Elijah's family tonight. I just learned that he passed away at 2 a.m. this morning. We met Elijah and his mom Laurie when we went and delivered the baskets. His care page site is on the right hand side with our other heart baby friends. Please lift them up in prayer tonight.

Long And Over Due!

2009-06-20T09:47:00.008-04:00

I am very sorry for taking so long to write a new post. Life here in the Groen house hold has changed a bit. As most of you know Case William Groen entered the world a week ago today. He weighed in at 10lbs 2oz and was 22in long. Jon and I were shocked at how big he was but happy to have a healthy baby. Tanner was so excited that he got a baby brother. We should have listened to him from the beginning because he told us the whole 9 months it was a boy. Next time we will be sure and listen. Tanner is a proud big brother and has been a big help. He likes to check on him when he cries and he likes pushing him around in his bouncy seat.

Last Sunday was also Lindsay's 3rd birthday. Our family and friends headed to Boston in the rain while Jon and I stayed back in the hospital with Case. When they got to Boston the rain stopped and they all had tons of fun. We are so thankful for each and every person that went even though Jon and I couldn't be there. Our hearts were with them and thanks to Brian Bitler who kept us updated with pictures on face book. Jon and I spent time together with Case and shedding a few tears and just reflecting on Lindsay's life. As I was sitting in my hospital bed I would close my eyes and I was picturing in my mind her coming into the hospital room to see her new baby brother. I know that she would have loved on him so much and been his little Mommy. When we came home my sister Julie, Emma, Ethan, my cousin Megan, Zach, and my Mom were all at our house. Emma gave Jon and I a glimpse of what Lindsay would have been like with Case. She was in love with him and couldn't get enough of him. Thanks Emma for giving Uncle Jon and I that small glimpse of Lindsay.

We can't thank you all enough for all your prayers during these past 9 months. Case is a true blessing from God to our family. Thanks for praying for every one's safety as they came to Boston. A huge thank you to Big Brother Tanner, Dad and Mom Welte, Zach, Dad and Mom Groen, Julie and Garrett, Emma, Ethan, Brian Bitler, Megan Goodrich, Jodi, Amber, Kaylynn, Morgan Decker, for walking in Lindsay's memory. We love you all very much and can't thank you enough for all the money you each raised and for helping us make Lindsay's birthday so special.

Here's The Scoop And Prayers Needed

2009-06-11T07:32:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my doctor's appointment which went well. Today I am going for an ultrasound at 10:15 to check the amniotic fluid around the baby. Then when that is done I will head over to the hospital for a stress test. If I don't go into labor on my own this weekend they will induce me on Monday morning. I have to be at the hospital at 7:00 a.m. The doctor said that I can go to the walk on Sunday which I am thankful for. Please keep us in your prayers today as we have these test done. Please know that the doctor isn't having these test done because there is something wrong. I am almost a week from my due date and this is all normal.

To top all of this stressful stuff going on, my parents left at 3:30 a.m. this morning to head NH. I just got an email that they are broken down on 84 in Waterbury, CT :). They are waiting for AAA to arrive to get them to a mechanic. I just talked with them and they are on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck. Please pray that it will be any easy fix and that it won't cost them a lot of money.

I will update later today when we know more news on baby and my parents. I have been reminded this morning that God is in control. It seems like we are getting hit from every which way right now. But I know that He is going to bring us through what ever comes our way today. Pray for peace for our family, safety for the baby, every one's stress level.

Thanks for holding us up in prayer today!!

Prayers For A Few Things

2009-06-08T18:15:00.004-04:00

I am sure you were all hoping this post would be an announcement about Baby Groen. We are still awaiting his or her arrival which I hope is soon. I keep thinking I am over a week late but I am only a day.

I am writing to ask you all to be praying for a few things this week. First of all would be Baby and that I will have a safe delivery and that the baby will be healthy. We are ready when the baby is ready. If I don't go by Wed I do have a doctor's appointment at 3:00. My doctor said we would talk then about what will happen next. I really don't want to wait until Wed. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and he already knows the day this baby will be born.

Second is for the walk that is this Sunday. Please pray that the weather will be beautiful and that everyone that is coming from NJ will get here safe. We are all really excited about the walk and being together to celebrate Lindsay's birthday. Thanks to all of you who have supported us and our fellow walk members. So far we have raised $3,080.00.

We will post something as soon as things start to happen with the baby. Thanks for praying us through the pregnancy this far! We love you all :)

Update On Lindsay Dean

2009-06-05T18:36:00.003-04:00

Lindsay came through her surgery at about 6:41 a.m. She is doing well and is resting. They had a little problem with her blood pressure this afternoon but it looks like they have it under control now.

Thanks so much for praying for this special family. Keep praying for her as well as the family who lost a loved one. But what a great gift they have given to Lindsay.

In case you are wondering, Baby Groen has not arrived yet :(. Please be praying that it will be soon. I am ready anytime this baby is.

Please Be Praying For Lindsay Dean

2009-06-04T18:10:00.006-04:00

I just checked Lindsay's blog a few minutes ago and she is finally getting her new heart. We are so excited for her and her family. She has been waiting for this heart for a long time and tonight is her night. I would encourage you to keep checking her blog and pray for the entire team that will be working on her as well as her parents and family. Please also pray for the donor family that has given this little girl a perfect heart as I am sure they are hurting. I will try and update when I hear something new. I know she has lots of angels up in heaven cheering for her. This family has become special to us in so many ways.

Lord, we ask you to be with all the people involved with Lindsay's surgery that you will guide their hands as they put this perfect heart in. We pray for Susie and JR as they wait for more good news. Comfort them and surround them with peace that only you can give them. We also ask that you be with Lindsay and that her little body will accept this new heart that she has been given. Be with the donor family now as they have lost a loved one. Comfort them and hold them close as they go through this difficult time. We give you all the praise and look forward to seeing what you have in store for Lindsay and her family. In Jesus name Amen.

A Time To Remember

2009-05-30T09:10:00.003-04:00

On Thursday May 28, 2009 Jon, Tanner, Dad and Mom Groen and I made a trip to Children's Hospital for a Time To Remember service that they have every year. It's a service that the hospital does and families come who have lost a child over the years. The staff read poems, little stories, as well as sing and provide music. At the end they do a flower service. This is where all the families that are there walk to the front of the auditorium and say who they are there in memory of and place a rose in big vases. This part of the service is beautiful and as I sat there watching all the families come forward I got to thinking that everyone of us there has at some point in time lost a child. I am glad the hospital does this every year and I hope that we can keep going every year. After the service they have a big reception with lots of good food. We were able to see some doctor's and nurses that we haven't seen in a year. One of the nurses came up to us after and thanked us for the baskets. She said that the families that got them were thrilled and so thankful that we thought of there child and them. She also said that while she was on her shift she went through the basket and pulled some stuff out of it and used it right away. When the parents came in the next morning the baby wasn't wrapped in the hospital blanket but the blanket from the basket and the socks. Jon and I were thrilled hearing this. We then decided to head over to the hospital to see one of our other favorite nurses Joanna. We then went over to 8 east to see if nurse Lauren was there. She was there and it was so good to see her again. It was neat to hear her share that she thinks of Lindsay all the time when she is working. We stood with her for a long time talking about Lindsay and I found myself missing her so much more. I think because such a big part of her is still there and that she is still being remembered by people. My hope and prayer is that she will be remembered for years to come and that her life will continue to bless other people's lives.

We also want to thank everyone for all the prayers on May 16. We sure felt them all day long. We had a very nice day at home and being together as a family. We let balloons go at 1:00 and then had a BBQ and ate outside in the warm sunshine. We played games and we planted a few things in memory of Lindsay. My parents and Jon's parents joined us for the day which was nice. I still can't believe that it's only been a year. Some days it feels like this all happened yesterday and some days it feels like more than a year. But not a day goes by that she isn't thought of and missed like crazy. I am sorry that I haven't updated in a while but life here has been really busy. Jon has been busy working and trying to get our master bedroom done before the baby comes. He is almost done and hopefully we will be able to move in soon. We are getting really excited about Baby Groen's arrival especially me :). Please keep praying that he or she will come safely and healthy as well as a safe delivery. Also that this baby will come soon and in enough time that I get to be apart of the walk. Speaking of the walk we have 19 people on our team. We have raised over $3,000.00 so far which is awesome. Hopefully this week I will get the t shirts to a place that will add her picture to our walk shirts. We are all looking forward to June 14 as we get to celebrate Lindsay's birthday as well as give back to such an awesome hospital. Thanks to all of you who have supported our team so far.

Well that about wraps up what has been happening here in NH. We ask that you continue to pray for all the babies and kids on 8 south. I would especially ask you to pray for Shanyah who is on 8 south right now. Her parents have been told there is nothing more they can do for her little heart. They have some big decisions to make soon and they need our prayers. We were able to meet Shanyah's mom the day we delivered the baskets. Keep checking back for updates on Baby Groen's arrival.

If you haven't scrolled down to the bottom in a while we are over 70,000 people who have checked the blog since April of last year!!!

A Day To Remember

2009-05-14T13:53:00.004-04:00

We are fast approaching Lindsay's one year in heaven. These past few days for me have been filled with crying and smiling as I look back over this past year. I seem to be missing her even more as this week goes on and just longing to hold her in my arms. Tomorrow will mark the day when we were preparing for her to have the Berlin heart put in and looking forward to moving along with her recovery. But little did we know then that God had even bigger plans for her and that He would totally heal her from all the pain and give her that brand new heart. As I look back I wish sometimes that I could have changed God's plan and all the what ifs that we go through. I know now that we did everything we could have done for Lindsay and that God just needed her more in heaven with him.

My parents will be heading here to NH tomorrow morning to spend the weekend with us. I know this weekend will be sad and I am sure lots of tears will be shed together. But we can all rejoice knowing that we will one day get to see her again and hold her. We can look back and remember all the happy times we had with her and enjoy being together. We have been thinking about what to do on this one year of her being in heaven and I think that we might get a tree or bush and plant in her memory. If you would like to do something on Saturday in memory of Lindsay please do so. Even if it's baking cookies or letting balloons go, planting flowers, what ever you feel led to do we would encourage you to something. If you decide to do something please take pictures and email them to us. We would love to see what you did in her memory. We again say Thank You to all of you who have been following her blog for a year now. I am shocked every time I see the numbers on the bottom of the blog go up. We will never know until we get to heaven how many lives she has changed and how many lives she has touched. Please don't be afraid to share your stories with us. We love talking about Lindsay and we would love to hear your story.

Please be praying for the rest of our family who won't be here with us this weekend. They need your prayers as much as we do. I also have added a few more names of heart babies for you to pray for and check there blogs. The new ones I added are at Children's Hospital Boston right now. I don't know if any of you had been following Baby Kayleigh story since I added her blog. She passed away this week so her family needs your prayers as well.

Lindsay Bear, Daddy, Mommy, and Tanner miss you so much and we love you more than you know.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T08:06:00.007-04:00

Mother's Day last year will always be so special to me. To have to spend Mother's Day in the hospital with your child isn't really fun. But for me it was a special day because Lindsay decided to open her eyes and say Mommy. I can remember being filled with so much joy and now I hold that memory close to my heart. I have to admit that I really just wanted today to pass by and not even think about it. In fact as I write this Tanner and I are in a hotel in Boston that Jon surprised me with. I don't know what the day will be like until Jon gets off the plane from D.C where he has been since Wed. I know this day won't go by with out thinking of Lindsay.

Mom Welte ~ Happy Mother's Day to you!! You have been such a big support to us this past year and through out our lives. We Thank God for you everyday and for the way that you have taught us many lessons and helped us through the good and bad times. We are even more greateful that you spent 7 weeks with us in Boston living out of your suitcase to help us with Tanner and Lindsay. We love you very much Mom and may today you feel our love and especially Lindsay's love for you. You are the greatest Granny to all your little apples.

Mom Groen ~ Happy Mother's Day to you!!! Jon and I love you very much and can't Thank You enough for all the support you have given to us over this past year. We are greatful for all the times that you and Dad drove every night to come and visit Lindsay and to help with Tanner. We thank God for you and for the love that you have shown us each and every day. You are the greatest Grandma to all your grand kids and even to the 3 news ones who are just joining our family. May you be blessed today in a special way and know how much you are loved and how much Lindsay loved you.

I hope all of the Mom's in my life have a great Mother's day today. May God richly bless you all in a special way today!!

Keep checking back in the next few days about how the basket delivery went. We have lots to share and I know you are going to be blessed.

A Tanner Moment And Looking Back

2009-04-29T09:10:00.008-04:00

Yesterday afternoon Tanner and I headed out to Kohl's to find him some summer clothes. As I turned the van on I noticed that the low fuel light was on. I was a little scared to even head out because I wasn't sure how far we would get if we ran out of gas. I called Jon to get some reassurance that we wouldn't run out and he told me not to worry just go. So I got back in the van and said to Tanner well we better start praying and ask Jesus to some how help us get there without running out of gas. Tanner's response to me was," Don't worry Mom Lindsay already has it taken care of." I sort of chuckled and said what do you mean buddy. He then went on to say that Lindsay had already gone to Jesus and asked Him to help us get there. To hear him say this brought joy to my heart. So we headed out and I wasn't worried at all and just put my trust in Him. While we were driving we then started talking about what was happening this time last year with Lindsay. Then we talked about it being hot and that Lindsay was probably playing in a pool in heaven and having fun. I then told him how much I missed her and he shared how much he missed her to. My heart was sad for him but loving how we were sharing what we thought she was doing. Do you know that we made it to the gas station without any problems!!! I told Tanner when we got there that we needed to thank Jesus and Lindsay for helping us get there.

As I mentioned above today is the day that Lindsay had her bypass surgery. I remember being so scared but trusting that whatever the outcome was God was going to be with us. My sister Julie, Ethan and Brian Bitler surprised us all my showing up to be with us during surgery. I was so glad to have them there and especially glad to have Julie with us. We all were able to gather in bed space 9 around Lindsay and pray for her, Dr. Mayer, and all those that would be with her during surgery. We knew all of the risks going into it but we also knew that God was in control. It seemed like it took forever for them to be done. I can remember all of us being packed in the waiting room waiting and hoping for some good news. When Dr. Mayer walked in I could tell by the look in his face that he had news but not great news. She had lost a lot of blood but was in critical condition. He was afraid that she wouldn't make it through the night. They prepared Jon and I before we went back as to how she was going to look and to us she looked really good. By morning she was doing better and when Dr. Mayer came in that day he was in amazement that she was doing so good. But you know what that was just another one of Lindsay's mini miracles. I had prayed the whole time we were there that God would somehow heal her to the amazement of the doctor's and you know what she did. Even though his healing for her was in heaven he brought her through some tough times and kept them on there toes. For all those mini miracles we are grateful for and we cherish each and every one of them. As I have been sitting here writing this blog I can't help remember how Dad Welte had shared with us a song by the Gaither Vocal Band called Through. I think that we played this song after we had prayed over Lindsay. The words to this song are very powerful. I am going to add it here so you can listen to this song. You might want to grab a box of tissues before listening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmKSY12hclQ

If you could say a pray today for my sister Julie today as she is having a hard time remembering last year being the last time she got to see Lindsay, I would greatly appreciate it and I know she would to. I also know that Garrett needs some prayer to as he struggles that he didn't come with Julie to see her. Julie and I have become even closer as sisters through all of this. We have cried many times over the phone, laughed, encouraged each other, and lifted one another up in prayer. Her daughter Emma and I have developed a special bond lately that has helped me through some hard days. Emma and Lindsay are the same age and were best friends. I miss seeing them play together when we go and visit. But Emma has showed all of us that she hasn't forgotten Ce~Ce (this is what she calls Lindsay). Julie, Jon and I love you very much and we pray that God will fill you with peace that only he can give. Garrett, We love you very much and I pray that you will always remember the happy times you had with Lindsay. May God fill you with peace when ever your heart is heavy and may he wrap his arms around you and give you comfort.

Please Pray For The Freeman Family

2009-04-25T22:04:00.003-04:00

I have just recently come across this family and there special little girl named Kayleigh. They are in need of our prayers as Kayleigh is not doing very well. When she was born she only weighed 1 pound 1 ounce. She is one of the smallest babies to have open heart surgery. They have just learned that she has some major brain damage and may not recover at all. Please pray along with us for this family as they make those hard decisions that none of us ever want to make. God is the only one who can heal her here on earth or heal her in heaven. I will add her link to the right but also here in this post.

Walk- A- Thon For Children's Hospital Boston

2009-04-18T09:40:00.005-04:00

Jon, Tanner, and I on June 14, 2009 will be participating in a walk-a-thon in memory of Lindsay and to help raise money for the hospital. Team Lindsay Bear has been started and so far we have 15 people on our team. We are so excited about this special day because it is also Lindsay's birthday. We couldn't think of a better way to celebrate her birthday by walking in her memory and giving back to the hospital. We are in need of some sponsors to help us raise money for the hospital. Each team member has to raise at least $150. We can raise more than that but this is what they would like you to raise. Praise the Lord as of yesterday morning I have met that goal. Jon has raised some money as well but isn't at the 150 mark yet as well as other members on our team. If you would like to sponsor us we would greatly appreciate anything you can give. I will add a link at the end of this post. The hospital has made it very easy for you to give right online. If you don't want to give online you can send a check to whoever you are sponsoring and make it out to Children's Hospital Boston and mail it to the team member you are giving to.

We are so excited about this event and I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do. We would also ask that you pray for this event and for each and every member of our team. We are also praying that Baby Groen will arrive before the walk. We are so thankful for each of them and their willingness to join us and help support the hospital. If anyone is interested in joining us in Boston and walking with us please let me know. You can either leave me a message here on the blog or email me at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. We would love to have more team members to join us.

Here is the link; http://howtohelp.childrenshospital.org/walk/pfp/?TeamID=GL0040
You will have to copy and paste the link for it to work. This should take you to our team page. If you scroll down you will see team members names as well as what each person has raised so far. Then all you do is click on the person you want to sponsor. If you have any questions please email me.

11 Months

2009-04-16T10:03:00.003-04:00

Here we are once again at 11 months with out Lindsay. One month closer to the anniversary of her living with Jesus. As I look back on the things that we were going through a year ago to where we are now I am amazed at the peace and comfort that we have. God has been with us every step of the way and holding us in His arms. Yesterday was as you know the 15Th which is a day that will be forever in my mind. As you may remember that was the day that Lindsay went into cardiac arrest in my arms. I actually made it through the day only thinking about happy times with her and not going back and reliving every second of that day. I was able to share openly with Joy and Jodi at MOPS yesterday. When I was on my way home I got to thinking that we can sit and think back at all those hard times and dwell on them but nothing is going to change what the out come was. So why not just remember all the fun times, her smiles, laugh, hugs, and be thankful for all those times that God has given to us. We were at Joshua Harris church on Sunday and I went back and was reading my notes from his message. These are some points that I wrote down from his message that seem to be fitting for what we are going through: 1. God uses death and sufferings for His glory's. 2. In the face of death Jesus offers himself as the ultimate hope. One of the verses that I wrote down to look up later was John 11:25-26 which says; I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will LIVE, even though he dies;and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this? I know for sure that I believe this. I know for me Easter was a hard day but also a day to rejoice. While I was in church singing I kept getting goose bumps thinking that Lindsay got to have the greatest Easter ever. One day we will get to see her again because Jesus died on the cross for you and for me. If you are reading this and don't know Jesus and all that he has done for you and for me, I encourage you to email me or talk with someone. Please don't let another day go by with out giving your life over to him.

We also want to let all of you know that we were not able to deliver the baskets on the 14Th. We had to reschedule for May 6. We are looking forward to getting them there and blessing another family. We will be sure and take lots of pictures and update when we get back. Please continue to pray for all the heart babies and there families.

Baby Groen is also doing well. He or she is very active and moves around all the time. This is one of my favorite parts of being pregnant. I am going back to the doctor every two weeks now. We are hoping and praying that baby will come before June 14 so we can attend the walk in Boston. Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery. If you could also be praying for Jon who has been sick these past few days. He seems to be getting better but slowly. I know that he would greatly appreciate your prayers.

We again can't Thank You all enough for all your love, prayers, and support you have shown to our entire family. We love you all!!!

Happy Resurrection Day!

2009-04-12T09:08:00.003-04:00

Happy Resurrection Day!

Good morning to all of our friends and family. I checked the blog several times this morning to see if Laura had written. I did not want to write if she had already done so.

We want to thank all of our family and thousands of friends who have stood by Laura, Jon and Tanner since last April. The support, encouragement, love and prayers has been so overwhelming and humbling. As of this morning, Lindsay's blog was over 66,500.

The month of April and May are going to be very difficult for the kids as they relive through the challenges of last year with Lindsay's surgeries and homegoing. I know that they will appreciate your prayers and notes of encouragement.

I want to express my thanks for the folks at Dover Baptist Church and the MOPS group who have so faithfully stood by the kids. You have been a tremendous blessing to our family.

Today Lindsay is celebrating Easter with Jesus. We miss her so much, but she is with her Savior and enjoying the greatest Easter ever. I could not help but think of the words to this song this morning:

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;

He came to love, heal and forgive;

He lived and died to buy my pardon,

An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,

And feel the pride and joy he gives;

But greater still the calm assurance:

This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus

Because He lives,

I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,

I'll fight life's final war with pain;

And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,

I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!
Chorus

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,Just because He lives!

Praise the Lord -- He is risen!

With much love,

Bill and Jan Welte and Warren and Phyllis Groen

Looking Back

2009-04-06T17:02:00.004-04:00

Well today is another anniversary date for us to remember. This time last year Jon and I were in the emergency room waiting to find out if our baby was o.k. Little did we know that God had already taken this little one home to heaven with him. I was 10 weeks and the baby was only 7 weeks. I can remember sitting there speechless when the doctor told us the news. I was kind of processing it in my mind before he came in and knowing that now my focus was to be on Lindsay and what she was about to go through. Our hearts were sad but I couldn't wait to go and pick up the kids and just hug them especially Lindsay. After we picked them up we headed to our hotel in Boston to settle in for the night. Dad, Mom, Zach came to our room that night to spend some time with us. I was so tired by then that my Mom had to give Lindsay her bath with that surgical soap we were given. Poor Lindsay cried the whole time because it was rough. Granny did a great job of getting it done fast and then Lindsay was happy again. After they left we settled in for the night and dreading what was to come in the morning. Jon and I had to get up with Lindsay several times to change diapers that were runny. When I think back to this time my heart just aches. But we can't change what God had already planned. We can look back at those special times we had with her and rejoice that God gave us those moments.
I wasn't going to write today but this afternoon I felt I needed to. I think I will post again tomorrow if I can.
Just think that Lindsay got to meet her 2 siblings in heaven before we did. I know that she is taking care of them like a big sister would.

One Year Ago Today

2009-04-03T11:14:00.005-04:00

A year ago today Jon, Tanner, Lindsay, Mom Groen, and I were all in Boston going through Lindsay's pre-op surgery tests. I can remember that day so clear and how long of a day it was. This was also a day where Tanner met and played with another little boy named Neil. Those boys played great together and it seem to pass the time faster for Tanner. When I look back today I know that we wouldn't have thought that we wouldn't have her here with us now. But God knew even on that day while doing all those tests and running here and there that she would live with Him. I can remember coming home and dreading what Monday morning was going to bring. Then on Saturday I was sick all day and spent most of the day in bed. Then to get up Sunday morning before heading to Boston and realizing that we could be losing the baby that was growing inside. So much happened in those two days but through everything God was with us. I read something in my devotions this morning that really made me think and rejoice. This is what I read " Knowing that heaven is our real home makes it easier to pass through the tough times here on earth. Also knowing that when we get there Lindsay will be waiting for us with open arms. That makes me happy to think about because I miss her so much. I had a dream last night that she was here and that all I was doing was taking care of her. It was time to put her to bed and she was settling in like a big girl and asked me to make sure her music was on. In the dream she seemed to be bigger but all I know is that I was so happy to be with her and taking care of her again. I woke up for a minute ready to jump up and run to get her out of bed. But then I realized that it was a dream but I was happy to see her again. Maybe God let me have this dream to comfort me during these hard times.
I have thought about going back on the blog and reading what took place last year but I don't think I can right now. Julie told me this morning she did and that she had a hard time. But I encourage anyone who would like to go back and read to go ahead.

I wanted to also let you know that Jon, Tanner and I will hopefully be going to be delivering the baskets on April 14. We have everything set up with the social worker on 8 south and we are really looking forward to going. We have emailed a few of the doctors and nurses that took care of Lindsay to let them know that we are coming. We have already heard back from a few of them and they will be there on that day. I also wanted to share another thing I read in my devotions today that sort of goes along with delivering the baskets. The title of it was Joy is an action word. The scripture was John 16:24 which says "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
It went on to say this; If we want to experience true joy, the spirit of joy that God meant for us to have, we have to do something. We have to be willing to step outside ourselves and reach out to others. It's true we can't do everything, but we can pick one cause, one charity, one family, one friend, one something that will become the object of our help and our kindness. What one thing are you willing to do? Ask God to guide you to where He most wants you to share your joy. At the end it says this; Helping others does make me feel good, Lord. Deepen my desire to reach out in a new direction to offer Your joy to others. WOW!!! Isn't that amazing to read and knowing that in a few weeks we will be helping others. Thanks Lord for giving this to me today.
May each of you who read this at some point share something with someone else and share the joy that you have in Jesus!!!

Prayers For Annabelle's Family

2009-03-27T08:54:00.003-04:00

We would like you to be praying today for Annabelle's family today. A year ago today there little girl went to live with Jesus. Although we did not know them this time last year we have become close this past few months. Rebecca and I have never met face to face only through emails and writing on the blogs. Rebecca has become a big part of our lives as now we share something together. Our little girls are now dancing in heaven together and playing with Jesus. They are in no pain, have no tubes, and they have healthy and whole hearts. We couldn't ask for anything better for them.

I would encourage you to read Annabelle's blog and if you feel led to leave them a comment. Please pray for them today as they go through there day together. This day is coming for us and I know that we will be able to get through it by feeling God's comfort and grace. They do have a son named Wyatt and Rebecca is expecting again with another little boy. They also know that this new baby has all 4 chambers of his heart. This is a great answer to pray for them.

We are going to remember Annabelle today here in our house. My bible study ladies are coming to our house today and we are going to do something special for this little girl. Tanner and I made cookies last night with an A on them for Annabelle. We did make a few with an L for Lindsay. There are 9 kids that also come with there Mom's to bible study. We got 9 balloons so that each kid could let one go today in memory of Annabelle. Tanner also picked out a special one to let go for Lindsay. I will be sure and post pictures later.

Rebecca, We love you and we are praying for you and your family today. May you feel Gods loving arms wrapped around you today.

Lindsay Basket's

2009-03-19T10:03:00.005-04:00

Here are some pictures of our MOPS Mom's putting together the Lindsay Basket's. My heart was filled with joy watching each Mom writing notes of encouragement to the families and arranging there baskets. I pray that each family that gets a basket will be blessed in some way. We don't have a date for them to be delivered yet but I will let you know soon.

A huge Thank You to all of you who donated things and sent money for the basket's. We couldn't have done them without your help. My pray is that we will be able to do more basket's again soon.I have more pictures to add so keep checking back.

10 Months

2009-03-16T11:26:00.005-04:00

Wow we are only 2 months away from Lindsay being gone a year. This just hit me this past weekend while we were in Boston. Groen Buliders had their business meeting in Boston this weekend, so on Friday afternoon we packed up and headed to Boston on Am track. We were able to take Tanner with us this weekend. He was very excited about riding the train and taking the T around Boston. Lately when talking about going away this past weekend he was thinking that we were going to the hospital. So we wanted to show him that we can go to Boston and have fun and not go to the hospital. He had a great time and was able to swim and walk around Boston.
We decided to stay an extra night in Boston before heading home on Sunday. We ended up staying in the Hyatt right by the airport. You may not think that staying there is such a big deal. But until we got up to our room did it really hit Jon and I. This is the same hotel that we stayed in the night before Lindsay's surgery. The room was set up the exact same way and the memories just hit me hard. I could picture everything that happened that night. I really wasn't sure that I could even sleep in the room because it made me so sad. I just prayed and asked God to help me to get past it and only think of happy times with Lindsay.

We are not only coming up on a year of her passing away but next month on the 7Th will be a year since her first surgery. Thinking where we were last year to where we are now is not at all what we expected. No one could have prepared us for what was to come after surgery. But through this whole time God was with us and he never has left us. He has taught us to hold on to each other and most of all to hold on to Him. We have learned that you need to take one day at a time and to enjoy each day to the fullest. I miss her everyday and think about her all the time. But one day we will be able to see those blue eyes again and see her smile that melted your heart. Until then we will hold on to her memories and the happy life that she had with us. We would like you to keep us in pray during the next 3 months. April will be her surgery dates, May will be a year of her going home to Jesus, and then in June we await the arrival of Baby Groen. I have yet to clean out her crib and get ready for the baby. I know that in time this will need to be done but I don't feel that I am ready yet. Also to keep praying for Tanner. Lately discussions have come up about going to heaven and dying. I think as he is getting older he is started to think and process Lindsay being gone more. He had to grow up fast last year and go through a hard time that most 3 and 4 year old's don't ever go through. He is really excited about the baby coming and talks and asks questions a lot. I know that he will be so happy to have someone else around to play with.

In other news; This Wednesday we will be finally putting together the Lindsay Baskets. I have decided to have our MOPS group from church help me put them together. I am very excited to get them done and soon delivered. My friend Jodi and I got together last week and put a few samples together and let me tell you they are cute. I was going to add pictures today but I will wait until after they are all done. So check back later in the week for basket pictures. I also have gotten in contact with the social worker on 8 south and we have the go ahead to bring them to the hospital. She thought this was an awesome idea and thinks that the families will love them. We don't have a date picked yet to deliver them but I am hoping maybe next month.
Jon and I also have been thinking about Lindsay's birthday coming up in June and what to do. We found out that on her birthday Children's Hospital Boston will be having a walk to raise money for the hospital. We thought this would be an awesome thing to do and a great way to celebrate her birthday. We are hoping to have a team of people join us in Boston on June 14 to walk and celebrate. I will post more info on this in the next few weeks because we will need help raising money for this event.

I just came up with a few more things to be praying about so I will list them for you;
1. All our heart baby friends
2. That the families who will receive our baskets will be blessed and that they may find Jesus.
3. That we will be able to continue to make baskets after this first round is done.
4. Baby Groen would arrive before June 14 so I can be apart of the walk :).
5. Baby Groen to continue to grow healthy inside and for a safe and healthy delivery.

We again can't thank all of you who still continue to follow our blog. The Lord has truly blessed us these past 10 months and we Thank Him everyday for allowing us to be Lindsay's parents. Lindsay Bear, We miss you so very much and we love you even more!!!

Please Pray For The Gledhill Family

2009-03-02T10:41:00.003-05:00

We have been following and praying for Gracie Gledhill the past few weeks. This little girl got a new heart but once they put it in it wasn't working. She was placed on ECMO and as of this morning they were going to unhook her machine's. Her story hit home to us because even though Lindsay never got her new heart here on earth this little girl went through all the same things as Lindsay. Our hearts are aching for this family as they go through this difficult time. I will add her blog page here as well as on the side with our other heat baby friends. Please be praying for this family today as they let there little girl go home to Jesus.

As we have been following this blog we are in some way grateful that we didn't have to go through as much as they did. We could have been in the same boat with Lindsay getting a new heart. There is so much involved with a transplant, the rejections, the heart not working, and all the other things involved. God spared her and us from all of that and now she is happy and has a brand new heart. We couldn't ask for anything better for her. But we know the pain that this family is going through right now.

Lord, We ask that you bring peace and comfort to the Gledhill family today. Surround them with your love. Be with there other 3 kids as they walk through this time with there parents. I hope that Lindsay will welcome Gracie into heaven today and that she will take care of her and play with her. Amen

http://thegledhillfamily.blogspot.com/ You will have to copy and paste it.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-02-14T23:15:00.000-05:00

Today is Jon's 30Th birthday and I want to wish him a very Happy Birthday! As I was pondering what to write for him I was going through some pictures of his birthday last year. The kids and I decorated with balloons and banners and made him a special dinner. The kids had so much fun playing with the balloons and waiting for Daddy to come home. Going back and watching those videos makes my heart so sad. Sad because this year we won't have Lindsay with us to help celebrate her Daddy's birthday. But I am sure she will be watching and celebrating in heaven. I am so thankful we have so many memories and special times that we as a family can go back and look at. Jon is the greatest Daddy in the world to our kids. I love to watch him play with them and even now to watch Tanner being his helper. I love listening to Tanner and Jon working in the basement together and to hear what they talk about.

Jon, I hope that your birthday today is extra special. I am so glad that God has given you to me and that for 10 years we have stuck together through some hard times. I couldn't have asked for a better Daddy for my kids. Your tender heart, big hugs, making the kids laugh, and the care that you give them is amazing. Lindsay Bear was so special to you and I know how much your arms ache for her. But I am so thankful that one day we will get to see her again. I hope that in some small way you will be able to feel her presence today and know how much she loves you. I love you so much and I thank you for being the best husband in the world!

Daddy, I love you very much and I miss you like crazy. I hope you have a fun birthday. Thanks for being the best Daddy to me and Tanner. Love, Lindsay Bear

Daddy, I hope you have a good birthday. I love you, Tanner

Here is a little video of the kids wishing Jon a Happy Birthday! (2-14-08)

Happy Anniversary to Dad and Mom Groen today!!

CHD Awareness Week

2009-02-10T15:53:00.003-05:00

This week is CHD week. CHD stands for Congenital Heart Defects. We have come to know many babies who have been born with so many different types of heart defects. I encourage you to watch this little video and read the statics that they give. I didn't know half of them and was very surprised when I read them. Our two heart baby friends Annabelle and Lindsay Dean's pictures are in this video. We all need to be aware of these defects and pray for all these babies and kids who have it.

One of my elementary school friends Sibahan lost her baby to CHD. We have since become close and I know that she is trying to raise more of an awareness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHi7VioHGDo.

Please be in prayer for our dear friend Rebecca. Her daughter is Annabelle. Well Rebecca is expecting a baby and we are very excited for her. Please pray that God will protect this baby and that he or she will have a healthy heart.

One last thing is we want to wish my sister in law Jenny a very Happy Birthday today. We love you lots Jenny and we thank you for all your prayers and support you have given to us. Thanks so much for all the hard work you did on putting the special books together from the blog.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Groen

2009-02-08T08:33:00.004-05:00

Today is Dad Groen' s birthday and we want to wish him a very Happy Birthday! Dad has a special name that he gave to Lindsay after she was born. He would call her the Little Pinkster. The reason for this special name is because her skin when she was little was so pink.

We love you Dad/ Grandpa and we hope your day is extra special. Thanks for all you have done for all of us. Thanks for supporting us and for all the trips you and Mom made to Boston while Lindsay was there.

Dear Grandpa,

I miss you so much but I am having a good time in Heaven with Great Grandpa and Great Grandma Groen and all our other family members. Thanks for being such a great grandpa to me and Tanner.

I love you,

Pinkster

Baby Groen's Test

2009-01-23T07:32:00.006-05:00

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will SHOUT for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Psalm 20:4-5

This verse jumped out at me on Wednesday night while I was doing my devotions. I knew going into the test on Thursday that no matter what we found out the God was going to be victorious and he was. Everything with the test went very well. They got all the pictures they needed even though Baby Groen was a wiggle worm. After the ultrasound the doctor looked over the pictures. The hardest part of the whole test was the waiting part. He finally came back in and said that everything looked great. They didn't see anything wrong and everything was working the way it should. He told us that unfortunately this test doesn't pick up any minor problems. That if there was any of them we wouldn't know until after the baby was born and checked out. He also said that what Lindsay had was a very rare thing. He said that this baby most likely wouldn't have the same problem. We walked away feeling relieved that everything is working and no problems. Thank you all for your prayers yesterday. We really felt them all and we were very relaxed and had ton's of peace.

As I was sitting here writing this post I was thinking of Lindsay and wishing she was here so that she would be able to hold her sister or brother. This picture came into mind and I knew I had to use it. This is my nephew Ethan Houston. (sorry Jul) Lindsay loved little babies and she was aways so cute with them. She was always curious about them and she was especially with Ethan. I wish we had more pictures of her and him but we don't. We will cherish this one with all our hearts. I can picture Lindsay in heaven holding so many babies and being a little Mommy to all of them. I know she is really taking care of our 2 babies who are in heaven with her.

8 Months

2009-01-17T11:10:00.004-05:00

Well as you can see that Dad beat me to it yesterday. I was going to write but thought I would wait until today. We hope where ever you are reading this from you are warm and cozy in your homes.

Yesterday has already come and gone but we can still sit and remember Lindsay. We had a nice day together as Jon was home all day with us. The sun was shining and the sky was beautiful just like Lindsay. We all seem to be doing well and we find ourselves back into a normal life. Although I would rather have Lindsay in our normal every day life, we are learning to keep her memory in our daily routines and in our normal lives. On Thursday night I had to go to a steering meeting at our church for our MOPS group. On my way there I found my self going back through those days at the hospital and remembering all we went through. As well as thinking and missing Lindsay a lot. After our meeting one of my friends was asking me some questions about Lindsay. I was so delighted and happy to talk about my little girl that I jumped right in. I then found myself with 2 of my other dear friends standing and talking about Lindsay being in the hospital. They shared with me a lot about what they had all gone through while Lindsay was in the hospital. They shared with me how much Lindsay had changed not only there lives but the lives of their family. As I stood there and listened to them share my heart was overjoyed. Lindsay brought one of my friends and her husband to there knees every night to pray and now they do it all the time. To hear how even there kids were involved by praying for Lindsay and how much there prayer lives have changed was such an encouragement to me. We often sit and wonder why God took her from us, or why it had to be her, or what did we do to not have her here. But then to hear stories like this kind of gives me a glimpse as to why God needed her in heaven. I am sure there are so many other stories out there about how Lindsay has changed people. If you are reading this and this journey has somehow changed you or your family or even led you to Christ, please share this with us. Over these past 8 months Jon and I are so proud to be Lindsay's parents and that God choose us. I drove home that night not feeling sad but feeling blessed that through my little girl's time in the hospital has brought people closer to Jesus and rejoicing that one day I will see her again and hold her in my arms. Psalm 16:9-11 says this; Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

We would like to ask you to remember us in pray on Jan 22 at 10:15. We will be going to have a fetal echo cardiogram done on the baby. I am glad that we will be having this done but also nervous and scared. But I know that God is going to be with us and that he already has this baby formed in his image and no matter what the results we can handle them.

We are still amazed how many people still check this blog. Who would have thought that when Dad started this that we would be over 60,000. With out people praying for us and without God by our side who knows where we would be. We love all of you very much and thank you again from the bottom of our hearts.

Lindsay~ Daddy, Mommy, Tanner miss you so much. Thanks for bringing us such joy while you were with us. We miss your smiles, giggles, laugh, and we miss seeing you everyday. We love you a bushel and a peck, a hug around the neck, a barrel and a heap, and we are talking in our sleep about you!!

Thanks Carrie, Jodi, and Michelle for sharing your hearts with me.

Happy Spiritual Birthday, Laura

2009-01-16T07:40:00.006-05:00

First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you for the way you continue to support Laura, Jon and Tanner. Your prayers and notes of encouragement mean so much to them as well as to Warren, Phyllis, Jan and me. As of this morning, the blog went over 61,000. None of us ever dreamed that when the kids started this journey that there would be such overwhelming support that has come from around the globe.

Today is a very significant day. Today is Laura's spiritual birthday. On January 16, 1983, Laura Ruth Welte invited the Lord Jesus Christ to be her personal Lord and Savior. I won't embarrass her by telling you WHERE she was when this significant event took place, but as her Dad and Mom, we will never forget that day.

The prayer of every parent is that there kids will grow up to love the Lord and serve Him with all of their hearts. This past six months have given evidence to the fact that Laura has a deep, abiding trust and faith in her heavenly Father. The growth that we have seen in her as she has faced one of life's deepest trials, has blessed our socks off.

I couldn't help but write today as Laura's spiritual birthday coincides with Lindsay's 8th month with Jesus. Because Laura invited Jesus into her heart on on January 16, 1983, she has the wonderful assurance that someday, she will be with Jesus and Lindsay forever!

Laura, we love you and are so proud of you. Happy spiritual birthday!

PS -- Drop her a line today and wish her a happy birthday. And if you don't know what a spiritual birthday is, Laura would love to share that with you.

Here Are A Few Pictures Of Baby Groen

2009-01-05T11:33:00.005-05:00

A side 3D picture where you can see an arm and a leg.

A 3D picture of the baby. I think he or she looks like Lindsay!

Side view with one arm strecthed out and one up in the air.

Our ultrasound went really well. The baby was moving a lot which was so neat to see. Evey thing is measuring what it should be which is also good news. The babies heart rate was 140, the baby weighs 9 ounces, and she counted all 4 chambers of the heart. Jon and Tanner were with me which was really neat. Tanner thought it was pretty neat to see the baby moving all around. In fact when she first started the baby put his or her hand in the air and waved. This brought a smile to Jon and my faces because Tanner did the same thing on the day of his ultrasound. What a joy it was to see another little life growing inside. God is truly amazing at what he does. We have one more ultrasound to go to on January 20Th. This one will be the one where they just look at the heart. So please be praying for that one with us. We know that no matter what God is in control and that he has already formed this baby the way he wanted.

We love you all!!

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T20:31:00.003-05:00

We hope you are all enjoying the new year so far. Our family is looking forward to all the blessing God has in store for us this year. As we look back on last year we would have never guessed we would get to 2009 without Lindsay. But God knew that before she was born and here we are. We look back at all the good things that 2008 brought us. All the memories we shared together as a family, and all the hard times we have had. God was and still has been faithful to us all year and he continues to be as we start the year 2009.

We had a wonderful Christmas with our families. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in NJ with my family. We had a wonderful day and shed lots of tears. Lindsay was missed so much but I know she was watching us from heaven. We then headed back to New Hampshire Christmas night so we could have Christmas with Jon's parents and Uncle Aaron and Aunt Alyssa on Saturday.

We rang in the New Year by just staying at home and enjoying one another. We have much to be thankful for this year. As we start this year we look forward to the birth of the new baby and all of the many other blessings God will share with us. We will also still need lots of prayer and we still have some firsts to go through. But we know that with God we will get us through all of them.

I want to share this poem with you that my Grandmother wrote on January 1, 1996.

As we stand on the brink of a New Year,

Watching the old disappear.

We don't know what's in the future,

But we DO KNOW THAT GOD IS NEAR.

Let's thank Him for all the good times

And yes, for the hard times too.

For the lessons we learned through the difficult times

Made us stronger to see each day through.

Let's forget all the trials and problems,

That we faced in the previous year.

And press on by God's Grace to face the unknown,

With JOY and without any fear.

He's met every need in past years,

Exceeding, abundant, above,

More than we ever dreamed of,

Out if His heart of Love,

Let's trust Him and keep on believing,

Let Him lead each step f the way.

And follow daily the sound of His voice.

In order to serve Him each day.

Yes, another year is before us,

Like a blanket of new fallen snow.

Let's be careful just how we walk in it

For each one of our steps will show.

We love you all very much and we hope that God brings your family with lots of blessings in this New Year. Some of you may remember that while Lindsay was in the hospital we asked you to pray for a few of her friends. One of them was a little boy named Elijah. We just found out that he passed away on Nov. 29. If you could pray for the Marsh family we would greatly appreciate it and I know they would to. I am sure Lindsay was there with a smile and a hug for Elijah and I am sure she will take care of him.

Lindsay's Christmas In Heaven

2008-12-20T11:32:00.004-05:00

I was just got done checking our heart friend's blog and she has posted this song. Let me tell you that listening to this song the tears are flowing. This song is beautiful and I hope you take the time to listen but grab some tissues.

Thanks Rebecca for sharing this song with me!

www.christianpublicityservices.com/dramatic_rose/dramatic_rose/sarahchristmas.htm

If you copy and paste it will work.

7 Months

2008-12-15T12:34:00.006-05:00

As I sit and write our 7 month blog we have no power. We had a very bad ice storm come through our area on Thursday. We have been without power since Friday sometime. Please be praying that we will get power soon. There are tons of other people who are without and let me tell you it's not fun. Thankfully we do have a generator to give us power.

Wow 7 months have gone by and we find ourselves missing Lindsay more and more. Christmas is fast approaching and I find myself not really getting into the Christmas spirit. I try not to think about Christmas day and somehow hoping that it passes by us. I don't think that will happen and I know that in 10 days we will face this Christmas without our Lindsay Bear. We won't be alone and we will be surrounded by family who will help us get through this time. I keep thinking about the Christmas that Lindsay will get to spend in heaven. To be with Jesus on His birthday and sit at his feet. If only we could have a little window to look through to see what she is doing this Christmas morning. Lindsay will be missed very much by everyone in our family this year. I hope you take time to remember that Christmas isn't about all the decorating, the shopping, the presents, the food, or giving gifts. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and that is the real reason for the season.

Last month I was going through all the Lindsay basket stuff. I came across the pink pray for Lindsay bracelets and was wondering what we were going to do with them. So I thought about it for a few days and God laid another Lindsay on my heart and mind. Her name is Lindsay Dean and she is another heart baby that we have been keeping up on her blog. God put on my heart that we should send the bracelets to this family to help them out. So we contacted them and they were thrilled to get them. So if you still have your bracelet please remember to pray for Lindsay Dean. We have added her blog to our page. We would encourage you to keep up with her story.

The Lindsay Baskets haven't been made up yet because of everything that has been happening this month. I am hoping once January comes to make them up then and get them delivered. I put one together a few weeks ago and I got so excited to get them started.

In other Groen family news, Baby Groen is doing well. I had a doctor's appointment last week and I was able to hear the heartbeat which was very strong. I am 15 weeks now and starting to feel lots of flutters and movement. On Jan 5 we go for our first ultrasound. We won't be finding out what this little one is because we want to be surprised. Sometime the last week in Jan we will have a fetal echo cardiogram ultrasound. They don't think there is anything wrong with baby but want to check things out. I will let you know on a date.

We hope each and everyone of you has a Blessed Holiday Season with your family and friends. We love each and everyone one of you.

THANKSGIVING DAY

2008-11-27T09:08:00.002-05:00

I would like to thank all of our families and our extend blog family for the way that you have supported Laura, Jon, and Tanner during this very difficult year. We have appreciated the notes of encouragement, but most of all, we appreciate your prayers.

For those of you who have experienced loss, you know that the "firsts" are very hard. The kids are coming into one of the toughest seasons of the year, and I know that they would appreciate your prayers.

This morning I was reminded of a song written by Dan Burgess that expresses what is on our hearts as we celebrate this Thanksgiving Day.

Thank You Lord for the trials that come my way

in that way I can grow each day as I let You lead

and thank you Lord for the patience those trials bring

in the process of growing I can learn to care

chorus

but it goes against the way I am
to put my human nature down

and let the spirit take control of all I do

cause when those trials come my human nature

shouts the things to do and

God's soft prompting can be easily ignore

verse 2

I thank you Lord with each trial I feel inside

that you're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong

cause you promised Lord that with every testing

that your way of escaping is easier to bear

verse 3

I thank you Lord for the victory that growing brings

in surrender of everything life is so worthwhile

and I thank you Lord that when everything's put in place

out in front I can see your face and it's there you belong

As of this morning, there have been over 58,000 hits to Lindsay's blog. That boggles our minds. Thank you for partnering with us on this journey.

I would love to have many of you write to Laura and Jon today. Let's encourage them on this Thanksgiving Day. Lindsay Bear -- Pop-Pop and Granny love you so very much and miss you!!!

6 Months

2008-11-16T14:10:00.002-05:00

Today marks another month with out Lindsay Bear. We still continue to miss her tons and she is never far from our minds. We talk about her all the time and all the silly things she did. We continue to hang on to each other and to hold on to God. Before I sat down to write for this month I felt that I needed to hear from God. As I began to read my devotions for today the verses seem to jump out at me. I read in 1 Peter 4: 12-19. The first part of this verse says; Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But REJOICE that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. How true is this for all of us that even though we are missing Lindsay we are to still rejoice. Sometimes that is hard to do but we do rejoice because we know where she is and that one day we will see her again. I encourage you to read the rest of those verses. I also was reading in my grandmother's devotional that went along with these verses. She wrote this; We may go through some kinds of experiences that throw us and we wonder why God has allowed them and then suddenly we realize He was there with us all the time and gave strength to endure and even used each experience for HIS OWN GLORY. Realizing this can bring us overwhelming JOY. Amen!! We still continue to hear from people that have been touched by Lindsay's life. I was sitting and thinking about Lindsay the other day and was wondering if she misses us. I am sure she does but she knows that one day we will see her again. I often wonder what her days are like in heaven and what fun things she is doing. I am sure she is having the time of her life and is being taken care of very well.

In other news, the Lindsay Baskets haven't been put together yet. We are waiting on a few more things to go in them. We have collected a lot of stuff for them and I can't wait to put them together. Thanks to all of you who have helped out in some way. We are truly greatful for you willingness to help with this project. My Dad has just produced his first solo piano Cd and has dedicated it to Lindsay. Thanks Dad!! We also want to thank my cousin Megan and Richie for there help with the Lindsay Bear playground at Keswick.
One more thing I wanted to mention is Lindsay's baby brother or sister. I had a doctor's appointment last week and I was able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. Since I was only 10 weeks my doctor didn't think he would be able to hear it but the Lord made that happen. So far everything seems to be going well. Please keep praying for this little one inside. We can still use some pray as the coming holidays fall upon us. I am sure they are going to be hard for all of us. But with God's help we can get through it together.

We love each and everyone of you and thank you for all your prayers and encouragement. Lindsay Bear we miss you so much and we love you more than you know!!!

Happy 30th Birthday, Laura

2008-11-03T08:21:00.003-05:00

Today is Laura's 30th birthday. I can't believe she is 30. Where does the time go? Jan and I are so proud of Laura and thankful for the wonderful daughter, sister, Mom, wife, and friend that she is to all us. She is one very special young lady.

Laura's testimony this past year has been a blessing to thousands who have watched her walk through some very difficult days with Lindsay's sickness and homegoing, along with the miscarriage. In the midst of the pain and suffering, Laura has demonstrated her condfidence and trust in the Lord.

Laura Ruth, "we love you a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck, and a barel and a heap and a talkin' in our sleep about you!" From all of us -- Happy 30th Birthday!!!

5 Months and Lindsay's A Big Sister

2008-10-16T09:05:00.007-04:00

Well today marks 5 months since Lindsay has been in heaven. We still miss her so much and wish she was here with us all the time. We are learning how to try and get into a normal when some days all we want to do is hold her in our arms. Her story continues to help people who are going through some hard times and we continue to share her story as much as we can. Our family just recently lost a dear friend of ours Mr. Steve. He was a man of God and touched and helped so many lives while he was here on earth. Mr. Steve gave the biggest and the best bear hugs ever and I am sure that when he got to heaven Lindsay was there to get one of his special bear hugs. Please continue to pray for the Deichert family as they go through the new journey in life without Mr. Steve.
The Lindsay baskets are going well. God has been blessing us with lots of items already for them. We are still in need of some more things to fill them up. If you are still interested in helping please send me an email at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. We haven't put any together yet because we are waiting until we have what we need. I am looking forward to the day when we can deliver them to Boston Children's Hospital. Thank you to those who have already sent us things for the baskets.
We still continue to hear from the nurses and sometimes doctors on 8 south. I would encourage you to still pray for them everyday. Every night when Tanner goes to bed we pray for all the babies and kids as well as the doctors and nurses. Please feel free to keep sending them cards of encouragement.

O.k. now to the other news you have been wondering about. Sometime in June a new baby Groen will be joining our family. We are so excited about a new baby in the family. But we are also scared at the same time that we will either lose this baby or something will be wrong. I keep having to remind myself that God is in total control and that we need to give our fears over to Him. We have been praying for this for a while now and we are so glad that God has given us a little one to take care of. We know that having this baby isn't going to take away the pain of losing Lindsay and that this baby won't ever replace her. But maybe just give us another glimpse of Lindsay and watching he or she grow. Last night Tanner and I had a little talk about this new baby. I asked him if he wanted a brother or a sister. He right away said a baby sister. It was neat to see his eyes light up when he said that to me as well as brought tears to my eyes. I then told him that he needed to pray and ask Jesus if he could have a baby sister. Will you join him in praying for a baby sister? We will be happy with either one of course but I think a sister would be special. He also asked what name we would give the baby and do you know what his answer was, Lindsay :(. Talk about breaking my heart when I heard that but you can tell that he misses her so much. We would covet your prayers over the next 9 months as this baby grows inside of me. I know that Lindsay would be the best big sister ever. Having a sister is the greatest thing in the world. I love my sister more than she knows and I cherish how close we have become over the years now that she has kids to. Julie, I love you and I can't than you enough for all your support, words of encouragement, hugs, and especially letting me adopt Emma like she was my own. I love you!!
God has truly blessed us over these past 5 months. We have learned a lot, cried a lot, and have cherished every minute we had with Lindsay. She will never ever be forgotten and her new sister or brother will know who she is and how special she is.

Lindsay Bear, Mommy, Daddy, and Tanner miss you so much and we hope you are having fun in heaven. We can't wait until we can hold you in our arms again. We love you more than you know!

4 Months and Lindsay Baskets

2008-09-16T08:33:00.004-04:00

Well today marks 4 months of Lindsay being with Jesus. It sure feels some days like only yesterday and other times it feels like way longer. Still not a day goes by that we don't think of her or talk about something silly that she did. Tanner loves to remember things about her and how silly they were together. We are doing good and still taking one day at a time. Today Tanner and I are going to have lunch with Jon at work. We got 4 balloons to let go today to. Yesterday I went and picked up some roses and gave Jon's parents 4 and the rest are sitting on my counter. Just a little reminder of how special Lindsay is. Last week Tanner and I went and had shirts made up for Emma and Sam for there birthday's. We put pictures of Lindsay on them and they turned out so cute. I have to admit that it was hard for me last week on there birthday's. Hearing how fun there parties were and wishing that I was there. Also wishing that we could have had a party for Lindsay. I told Julie that she needs to cherish those special days and moments. For those of you that have kids some advice from me today is to take as many pictures during the day as possible. I now carry my camera in my purse to capture any precious moment that comes our way.

O.k. you are probably wondering about the basket part. We have come in contact with a lady who lost her little girl. She has started making up baskets in memory of her little girl and taking them to the ICU at the hospital they were at. This has sparked something in me that I would love to start and to give back to those on 8 south. In fact this lady as of last week has made 100 baskets. I have been praying about this and I think that it would be a great way to share Jesus love and to continue to share Lindsay's story. Here is somethings that we are wanting to but in the baskets:
receiving blankets
soft and or fuzzy socks
note cards
maybe some stamps
a gift card to the places they have there to eat
a little basket
a little bear ( to help the nurses hold up tubes and arms and legs)
All of these things need to be new and not used. A lot of things helped us while we were in the hospital. Right now I have a bunch of bears that my Uncle's church gave to us to give out. If you would like to help out in anyway with these basket's please let me know. You can email me at jonnlaura@hotmail.com. My prayer is that with these baskets we can bring a smile to a families face and share the love of Jesus to everyone who gets one.

We can't thank you all enough for all your encouraging words on the blog, the cards in the mail, and even emails that you have sent. Please don't stop praying for us and please keep praying for the nurses, doctors, and all the babies and kids that are on 8 south. We love you all more than you know.

Lindsay Bear you are missed so much and are loved so much!

Our Pumpkin Patch

2008-09-10T14:47:00.005-04:00

The weather here in New Hampshire is starting to show signs of fall. Last week I started getting out my fall decorations. I got the idea to look for pictures of the kids with a pumpkin in the picture to print out to use as a decoration. Last year we got a big pumpkin and I took the kids picture with it. Now these pictures are so precious to me. We have 4 pumpkins in our patch and only 1 of them we will see grow. We continue to take one day at a time. Living each day to the fullest and enjoying each other. God has been so good to us in the last 3 1/2 months and has held us so close in his arms.

I was reading in my devotions this afternoon and this struck me. My daily bread said this; When the question is asked, 'Why did this happen?' perhaps one answer will be, 'So that many will consider where they will spend eternity.'" Trusting in the sovereignty of God can turn outrage into compassion and hatred into concern. Then I read this little saying; The Lord can turn a tragedy into an opportunity to show us that eternity must never be ignored. I also love this verse from 2 Timothy 4: 7,8 Lindsay has fought the good fight she has finished the race, so that we have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to us on that day and not only to us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. Amen to that.

We are all apart of God's pumpkin patch and he gets to watch us grow into beautiful pumpkins that want to live for Him. So I ask you are you apart of God's pumpkin patch and are you growing to live your life for Him. I know that I fail sometimes but I know that God will forgive me and that He will help me grow.

Lindsay, you will always be our little pumpkin and we miss you so much!

Lindsay Butterflies

2008-08-24T14:38:00.004-04:00

Here is what they look like. These were taken on Pop-Pop and Granny's butterfly bush!

3 Months And Yellow Butterflies

2008-08-16T09:25:00.003-04:00

Today marks 3 months that Lindsay has been with Jesus. She is missed more and more everyday. Some days are harder than others and we just take one day at a time. Tanner is doing well and not a day goes by that something doesn't come up about something he remembers about her. God has been with us each step of the way in the past three months. If we didn't have him I don't know where we would be today. Tanner and I are in NJ and Jon is back at home. Please pray for Jon today as he isn't with us.

You are probably wondering about my title. When we went to Va for a little vacation we stayed at a lake house. One day while Tanner was playing in the sand at the lake 3 beautiful yellow butterflies came by us and they wouldn't leave. Everytime we were out they were out. Then I got to thinking about Lindsay and our other 2 babies that are in heaven with her and how those butterflies stayed together. Then when my parents came to visit in June the yellow butterflies were at our house but this time only one. Last week when Mom was outside with Tanner a yellow butterfly came and was flying around Tanner for awhile. Mom said that they haven't seen a yellow butterfly at all this summer. Yesterday when we were at Six Flags Mom said a yellow butterfly came on the playground with them. Everytime we see these yellow butterflies we are reminded of Lindsay. Tanner now calls them Lindsay butterflies. If you see a yellow butterfly around sometime just remember Lindsay and that she is watching over you.

We can't thank all of you enough for all your prayers, cards, posts on the blog, and for your encouraging words. We appreciate each and everyone of you. Please don't stop praying because we still need it. I would encourage you to still pray for the babies and kids on 8 south and for the doctors and nurses. You can still send them cards if you feel led. I am sure they would appreciate them all.

Lindsay Bear we miss you so much and we love you!

Written In God's Book

2008-07-21T16:21:00.003-04:00

The last few days in my devotions, God has been taking me to Psalm 139. Lately on my mind has been why this happened, and what signs did I miss and should have caught. But then after reading Pslam 139 I am reminded that God knew before Lindsay was even concieved He knew the plan he had for her. One verse that struck me was verse 15-16 it says, My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Wow and so amazing to me. I know that this doesn't take away the pain of her not being here with us but in some small way it helps.
Yesterday a very special friend to our family went home to be with Jesus. Pastor Bill entered heaven's gates and was welcomed in by Jesus. As I was thinking about this today I am hoping that a blonde haired little girl with her Daddy's blue eyes and a smile that could light up a room, went to greet him and give him a great big hug. My friend Melissa also commented on her face book the same exact thing about her little girl. One day we will all enter those gates and I can't wait to see my Lindsay Bear running to welcome us. Please pray for the Raws family as they mourn the loss of a husband, dad, grandfather, and friend. Also keep praying for Mr. Steve. He is doing better but is still very sick. Please keep praying for my Dad as he goes through losing another friend and mentor. Dad and Mom were with Pastor Bill and the family yesterday when he went home. I know that was very hard for both of them to do. I love you Daddy and Mom!!!

Two Months

2008-07-16T08:04:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe that it has been two months today. We aren't exactly at the right time yet but still hard to believe. We have been so blessed over the past 2 months and God has given us so much comfort and strength to get through some hard days. I know this is not the end of the hard times but with our faith in God we can get through it. I was reading in my devotions this morning about trees. The title of the devotional is Graceful Oaks. In the beginning it talks about loving trees in the summer and how majestic and commanding . They offer their leafy, green shade free of charge. They bend in the breeze without breaking and they provide shelter for living creatures. Like the mighty oaks, God planted us in His garden. He put us there to care for all living things that are part of it. He placed us there for His glory. This really stuck out at me after reading it. Lindsay was placed in our garden. He gave her to us to help her grow and for us to take care of her and all for His glory. I have been asking God lately why He had to take her. I think I just got from Him part of my answer. God trusted Jon and I with Lindsay and we helped her grow. WOW! She was a beautiful little girl (like a flower) that grew and now she is even more beautiful in heaven. Our nurse Moria sent me an email yesterday and in her email she sent this poem.
God has not promised skies always blue, flower-shewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way. Grace for trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy undying love. What a neat poem and a perfect time to send it to.
I would like to ask you to please pray for a good friend of our family Mr. Steve Deichert. He had to have unexpected brain surgery yesterday. He is very critical right now. Mr. Steve is a great man and we got to work with him at Sandy Cove. Also if you could pray for Pastor Bill Raws as he is hanging on to life. My Dad could use your prayers as this has been difficult for him to watch Pastor Bill. After going through all of the things we went through with Lindsay he is going through it again.

Lindsay, We miss you so much and we love you more than you know. You will always be our Lindsay Bear and we will never ever forget you!

One More Day

2008-07-12T15:35:00.003-04:00

Today has been a tough day for me as well as Jon. Some days are better than others for us. I don't know what sparked it for today but I am missing Lindsay so much. I am wanting to change her diaper and change her clothes. Jon and Tanner were working in the basement and she is supposed to be done there helping and causing trouble. Some days I just want to hold and snuggle her or hear her say Mommy and Daddy and watch her play with Tanner. This is all so hard and missing her hurts more and more each day. As I sit here and write my feelings tears stream down my face. As I said before I know that God has a reason for taking her home with him and I have to keep holding on to that. A song just came on the the ipod right now about casting all my cares upon the Lord and laying them at his feet. As more tears come from my eyes and remembering that I used to sing that to Lindsay while I held her hand. But how true that song is and that we can cast all our cares, fears, worries, at his feet. Those of you that have little ones don't take for granted all the times you have to change diapers, or clothes, or feed your little one, or hug and kiss them because if I had one more day I would do all those things and more!

She's In His Hands

2008-07-10T18:58:00.004-04:00

She's In His Hands

A good friend sent me this picture today. I couldn't help but think of Lindsay when I saw the picture. It made me miss her so much, but what a wonderful

reminder that she is in the arms of our Savior.

I could help but think of Fanny Crosby's hymn, SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by His love o’ershaded,

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Hark! ’tis the voice of angels

Borne in a song to me,

Over the fields of glory,

Over the jasper sea.

Refrain:

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by His love o’ershaded,

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Safe from corroding care,

Safe from the world’s temptations;

Sin cannot harm me there.

Free from the blight of sorrow,

Free from my doubts and fears;

Only a few more trials,

Only a few more tears!

Jesus, my heart’s dear Refuge,

Jesus has died for me;

Firm on the Rock of Ages

Ever my trust shall be.

Here let me wait with patience,

Wait till the night is o’er;

Wait till I see the morning

Break on the golden shore.

Lindsay, we love you and miss you.

Life Without Jesus

2008-07-03T14:28:00.011-04:00

Here is a poem I read the other day in my Nanny's devotional book.

Life without Jesus would be meaningless.

Life without Jesus would be hopelessness.

Life without Jesus I cannot conceive,

Lord I'm so glad for the day I believed.

Life without Jesus is not life at all.

No one to help us the moment we call.

No one to guide us each step of the way.

No one to answer the moment we pray.

Life without Jesus, life without Him.

Would just be a life that was still full of sin.

No hope for the future, eternity's mourn

Would be better, far better if we weren't born.

But life with the Saviour is life full of joy. (which Lindsay is doing)

Life with the Master no man can destroy.

He's mine for all time and eternity too

If only the world knew what Jesus could do.

The world with it's wealth and it's pleasure combined

Could never compare with salvation that's mine

For Jesus is all that this old world would need

If only they'd open their hearts and believe.

This poem spoke to my heart after I read it. If we didn't know Jesus we would have never made it through this. But we do know Him and that's all we need.

Today I was cleaning out the diaper pail to use when Julie, Garrett, Emma, and Ethan come on Sat. I had set it outside and forgot that there were a few diapers in there. So needless to say it was very smelly and full of rain water. As I was dumping out the water I realized that those were the last 3 diapers I changed at home. That sure made me sad and long more for Lindsay. You forget what it's like to change diapers everyday but I sure miss doing it everyday.

Windsay Did It!

2008-07-01T07:17:00.003-04:00

I wasn't going to add a second post but this little story had to be told.

Yesterday afternoon I was cleaning out the van. I vaccumed and washed all the windows and they were sparkling. When we got in the van with Grandpa and Grandma to head to the airport I was sitting in the back with Tanner. I then was noticing places that I had missed when I was cleaning the windows. In the back window I noticed what looked to be finger print marks. I then asked Tanner if he had touched them when he was in the van watching me. He said no Mommy, Windsay did it!!! Needless to say we all broke out in laughter and even he thought he was funny.

Giving Back

2008-07-01T06:53:00.000-04:00

Last night Tanner and I rode along to Boston with Grandpa and Grandma. Uncle Arlin and Aunt Linda were supposed to fly into Boston around 7:50 but didn't come in until 1o:30. Anyway, we went along to make a special trip back to Boston Children's Hospital to deliver some gift bags to five special nurses. I was given a whole bunch of lotions and facial stuff to give to them. Tanner and I also added dumb-dums and chocolate. Tanner would hand out dumb-dums to the nurses all the time while we were there. I have been back once since Lindsay went home but Tanner hadn't been back. He was very excited to get there and see what had changed. I was nervous going up the elevator to the 8 floor. Tanner of course got in and said 8th floor right Mommy. We were able to see Joanna, Melissa, Dr. Sarah, and Frank. It was wonderful to see them and to see there faces light up when we handed them there gift bag. It also felt strange not rushing back to bed space 9 to see what was happening. I almost felt lost just standing there and not going back. After we visited for awhile Tanner needed to get to the playroom. You should have heard him all excited about all the new toys that were there. We had some dinner in the cafeteria and then went to eat in the garden. Tanner was thrilled to see the fountains, flowers, and even the playground again. He even got to see the helicopter land and take off. It was a joy for me to watch him be so happy and excited to be back there. Maybe it was healing to him going back.
There is not a day, hour, minute, or second that does not go by that Lindsay is not on my mind. Even starting yesterday out and the tears that came for her. I sat and wondered what her hair would have looked like, listening to her talk even more, seeing her smile and I could go on. I hope sometime God would give me just a glimpse as to what she is doing up there in heaven. Going back to Boston where we spent so much time there and giving back something to the nurses felt so good. I wish I could have brought something for all of them but for those I did I felt joy. Joanna also had mentioned that she had gotten a card from someone and to see her light up talking about getting a card was neat. Please if you feel led to keep sending them cards to just let them know you are praying for them or thanking them please keep doing it. Lindsay's story is still being written and she is still touching people's lives. Lindsay Bear, Mommy loves you and misses you so much!

Somewhere Down the Road

2008-06-26T19:37:00.004-04:00

Earlier in the week, Jan, Zach and me were in Ocean City with some dear friends. They wanted to watch the slide show that Jon's brother put together for Lindsay's Memorial service.

I thought I was doing better but watching that slide show sure did hurt. Today Laura sent us pictures ... she prefaced her email saying we might now want to open the pictures. I was not going to ... and then I did ... it stinks. I don't quite understand it ... I want to take the pain away from Laura and Jon. I want Tanner to have his best buddy back.

Right now none of this really makes sense, except for trusting in a sovereign God who sees the bigger picture that I cannot quite grasp. Tonight I read Amy Grant's new book, MOSAIC. Laura, you loved Amy as a kid ... I could tell a really funny story about one song you used to sing at the end of our driveway ... but you'd strangle me!

This song was just what I needed to hear -- SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD

So much pain and no good reason why,
You've cried until the tears run dry.

And nothing hear can make you understand.

The one thing you held so hear, has slipped from your two hands.

And you say
Why why why?D

Does it go this way?

Why why why

And all is can say is

Somewhere down the road,

There'll be answers to the questions

Somewhere down the road

Though we cannot see it now

Somewhere down the road

You will find mighty arms

Reaching for you

And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all

I thought I'd climbed the highest wall

But now I see that learning never ends.
And all I know to do is keep on walking

Walking 'round the bend.

Saying

Why why why?

Does it go this way?

Why why why?

And all I can say ... all I know to say now is

Somewhere down the road,

There'll be answers to the questions,

Somewhere down the road

Though we cannot see it now

Somewhere down the road

You will find mighty arms

Reaching for you

And they will hold the answers at the end of the road.

(Amy Grant)

I miss you, Lindsay Bear!

A Smile That Can Brighten Your Day

2008-06-24T08:12:00.003-04:00

Oh, how I long to see her smiling back at me with those big blue eyes. Her smile could sure light up a room or anyone's bad and gloomy day. I was just looking through pictures and seeing her smile and her really silly smiles makes me smile. But also makes me miss her even more. I wish I could share every picture we have of her with everyone but I think I will share a few.

We have a new skylight in our bathroom now. The other day Tanner was going potty and I siad something to him about how pretty the sky was with the new skylight. He then asked if Lindsay could see in our new skylight and I told him she sure could. He then became silly and asked if she could see his new spiderman underwear. That made me smile and say yes she could and then we both laughed. Tanner makes me smile when he remembers Windsay and all the fun things they did together. I know that when he talks about her sometimes he gets a big smile on his face. So when you are having a sad and gloomy day just look at these pictures of Lindsay because I know she will bring a smile to your face. I can just see her on Jesus's lap smiling at him and making him smile as well!!!

Weeping At Night But Joy Comes In The Morning

2008-06-19T16:25:00.003-04:00

That's how I was feeling last night was very weepy. Wondering why God had to take her from us and what did we do that she had to go to heaven. I was wanting to hold her close, see her smile, hear her say Daddy and Mommy, let Tanner play with her, and the list goes on. But then I had to stop and remember that God took her for a reason. I sure wish we would knew sometimes why but we just have to trust Him. Then this morning I woke up and felt a little more joy in remembering all the happy times we had and that makes me smile. I have put some pictures of Lindsay by the kitchen sink so that every time I wash dishes I can see her smiling back at me. She is missed so much in our house and we love her and miss her more each and every day.

We got this card today and I want to share it with you.

As you go through this.....

Difficult things can cause us to ask,

"Why did this happen?"

we never need to ask,

"How could He let this happen?"

God may reveal

all His reasons to us,

but He has revealed

His character to us.

His character assures us that

He never makes mistakes,

is never uncaring,

and that He never separates Himself

from our need.

The need you face is great,

but the grace that is yours

in Christ is even greater.

May your heart and your faith

stay fixed upon Him

as you go through this difficulty.

Be assured that He is holding your hand and will NEVER let it go!!

I was so encouraged after reading this card. How fitting this was to get after last night. Thank you Aunt Connie and Uncle Bob Wood for this card!! Thank you Lord for never letting go of our hands!!

LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN

2008-06-16T07:47:00.002-04:00

Thank you for praying for Jon, Laura and Tanner as they went through the first of many diffiuclt "special" days. While it was a very emotional time for all of us, the kids were strong and I know that God's grace is what helped them to get through Lindsay's first birthday.

The blog went over 44,000 hits sometime last night. We know that many of you are still checking the blog on a regular basis, but please, don't just visit, write a note to the kids. Your words of encouragement are so much needed as they walk through their time of grief.

I am humbled and happy to announce that the Board of Trustees of America's KESWICK have established a memorial fund in Lindsay's memory, and the fund will be used to refurbish our aging playground. There is a team of folks that are in the process of developing a new playground that will be dedicated in Lindsay's memory. Our Board Chairman, Howard Bateman, has named the new playground, LINDSAY BEAR'S GARDEN.

If you would like to make a donation to the project, make your check payable to AMERICA'S KESWICK and designate it for the playground. You can send your check to:

America's KESWICK
601 Route 530
Whiting, NJ 08759

We will keep you posted on the progress.

Have a great day!

Happy Father's Day Daddy, Pop-Pop, Grandpa

2008-06-15T08:21:00.002-04:00

Happy Father's Day! Today I am sure will be another hard day for us all. Lindsay's birthday was hard enough but we all got through it. We had a pizza party and then let off 13 balloons into the sky. We attached little pieces of paper to them saying that if they land in your yard to write on the blog. We sang Happy Birthday to her as they went up into heaven. I hope she was watching them fly. When we were letting them go there was some clearing in the sky where you could see some blue. So I think she was wacthing all the pretty balloons.

Jon, Thanks for being the best Daddy to Tanner and Lindsay. They love you more than you know and look up to you. God has given them to us and I am so glad he chose you and I to be there parents. Always remember that even though Lindsay is in heaven that she will always be Daddy's little girl and your Lindsay bear.

Dad W, Thanks for being the best Pop-Pop to Tanner, Lindsay, Emma, Ethan, Sam, they could ever have. They all love you and adore you. We are all thankful that God has given them such a great Pop. Thanks for all you do for all of us by loving and supporting us. Thanks also for being the best Dad to the rest of us.

Dad G, Thanks for being the best Grandpa to Tanner, Lindsay, Ariel, Isaac. They love and adore you more than you know. We are thankful that God has given them a Grandpa like you. Thanks for being such a great Dad to all the boys and to us girls. Thanks for all your wisdom and for all your love in supporting us all.

Just think what a day Lindsay is having with our heavenly Father. And she is getting to spend Father's Day with all our Grandpa's in heaven.

Happy Birthday Lindsay Bear

2008-06-14T08:42:00.004-04:00

Well the sun is shining here in New Hampshire. I so wish that Lindsay were here so we could have a big party with lots of balloons and cake. But she is having a bigger party in heaven today. I again wish heaven had skylights so we could all see her party with Jesus. Just before Lindsay was born my thinking had changed that she was a boy. But when she came out and Dr. Mulder said it was a girl I didn't believe him. We were so surprised and so happy to have a little girl. She was a joy from the minute she was born. Her smile lit up a room and her bear hugs were the best and she had her daddy's blue eyes. Lindsay Bear Mommy and Daddy and Tanner miss you so much and we love you so much. We hope your birthday in heaven is really special today. We will never forget you and who you were and not a day will go by that we won't think about you. Happy Birthday Lindsay!!!

Two Years Ago Tonight

2008-06-13T20:55:00.004-04:00

Two years ago today Jon and I were at Luverne Community Hospital settling in and getting excited about baby # 2. We were excited to see if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. I had a dream that we were having a girl but was stilling thinking that it would be a boy. Little did we know that God had already had his plan for Lindsay and her life. As I sit here and think about her it makes me miss her so much. I am wishing she was here so we could have a party for her and help her celebrate her special day. I wonder what it's like in heaven to have a birthday. I am sure she will have the best birthday she has ever had. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day as we remember her and the day she entered this world. But knowing that she left this world and woke up in the arms of Jesus is the best gift she gets on her birthday! Thanks Lord for giving us Lindsay for the 24 months we had her. Lindsay was born at 12:09 a.m. and weighing 7lbs 5oz and was 21 in long.

She's Got Her Father's Eyes

2008-06-13T07:23:00.003-04:00

The past few days I have been thinking about Jon and Lindsay and was reminded of an old Amy Grant song, MY FATHER'S EYES. Looking at pictures of Lindsay, you can't help but notice that she has her Daddy's eyes!

Jon of all the Dad's God could have given Lindsay, he chose the best when he chose YOU! He knew she'd need a special Daddy, and He gave her one that Lindsay could look at because you have your Heavenly Father's eyes!

I have found myself humming through Amy Grant's song, My Father's Eyes

I may not be every mother's
dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind
of everyone in the world.

But that's all right,

as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life,
I want to hear them say,
She's got her father's eyes,
Her father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things,
When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help,
When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion,
Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,
My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay

for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone.
And when you're called to stand and
tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be,

She had her father's eyes, Her father's eyes;
Eyes that found the good in things,
When good was not around;
Eyes that found the source of help,
When help would not be found;
Eyes full of compassion,

Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through,

And feeling it the same.

Just like my father's eyes,

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

My father's eyes, My father's eyes,

Just like my father's eyes.

When Lindsay closed her eyes on this side of heaven and opened them in heaven, looking into the face of Jesus, I think she just might of said, "I know you! You've got my Father's eyes!" We love you, Jon.

If Heaven Had Skylights

2008-06-11T17:01:00.002-04:00

I was sitting at the computer the other day thinking about Lindsay and missing her. I then began wishing that heaven had a skylight so that I could look up and see what she is doing. Or simply hear her talk to me and how she has grown. I am sure she is having a great time playing and meeting new friends her age. I bet all our grandparents are taking care of her and telling her stories. We miss Lindsay so much and look forward to one day having Jesus putting her back into our arms. I miss her hugs, her smile, her laughter, and everything about her. Mrs. Jager has told us to always keep Lindsay's memory alive and always talk about her in the present not in the past. I have been trying to do that every time I talk about her. God has been showing us how her little life is changing people and that is exciting to see. To know that our baby girl has touched so many lives and she is still doing that is amazing. Dad W told me the other day that Lindsay's book is still being written.
So if heaven had skylights I hope she is watching us and smiling. Lindsay, Mommy misses you more than you know and I love you so much!

Lindsay Keeps Speaking

2008-06-09T08:18:00.001-04:00

I thought you'd be encouraged to hear how Lindsay's life keeps speaking volumes:

Dear Bill,
I was asked to write an article for the TCF newsletter for Redlands about my feelings as I walked through Lindsay's illness and ultimate death with you.

The article will be sent to about 250 Christian, Jewish, and non-Christian bereaved families as well as area professionals. I wanted to share this article with you. I hope you like it.

PLEASE, DON'T LET IT BE WASTED

I remember the moment vividly. We were driving toward Kansas when my cell phone rang. It was Bill, the Executive Director of America’s Keswick where we spend our summers. On April 7 his 22 month old granddaughter Lindsay had undergone open heart surgery. I had just read on her blog that morning that she was doing much better and had even taken a short ride in a hospital wagon. However, as I heard Bill’s voice, I knew something was terribly wrong. Bill explained that Lindsay had experienced cardiac arrest just shortly before he called on April 15. The medical staff was able to revive her, but, of course, the situation was critical. For the next month, the family experienced the typical roller coaster that many of us have gone through. One day Lindsay was showing improvement, the next moment Lindsay would have a set back and her condition was dire. On May 16 Lindsay went to Heaven with her family present. Her pain was over, but her family’s forever pain was just beginning.

Have you noticed how detailed my report is? I sound like a bereaved parent, don’t I? Well, of course, you know that I am a bereaved parent, and I felt like a bereaved parent as we walked through this difficult journey with Bill’s family. I remember the dates of the significant events just as her family would.

Mostly, I remembered…. I remembered the shock, the pain, the prayers, the confusion, and the frustration of the roller coaster…all of the emotions that a bereaved parent goes through.

I also remember my prayer, Dear Lord, Please don’t let Lindsay die. I know the pain, and I know the journey the family will have to walk. Father, I don’t think I can handle the pain I will see in the family’s eyes.

Does that sound like a selfish prayer? Perhaps it was, but I have been there. I know the journey the family will walk through. Oh, how I wish I didn’t know. I describe someone who has experienced the loss of a family member as one who has lost their innocence. I don’t want any of my friends to qualify for that description.

As my three children died, I prayed the same prayer each time, Don’t let this be wasted. I have had a chance to talk with some of Lindsay’s family and to share my books with them. My boys will be remembered as I share my story and what I have learned along the way. Their lives have not been wasted.

While I never want anyone to experience the pain of losing a child, I am grateful that I can be available to take their hand and say,

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE STEP,
THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO DO TODAY.

TAKE ONE STEP, JUST ONE LITTLE STEP
BY REACHING OUT YOUR HAND TO SOMEONE ELSE.

SOME OF US HAVE WALKED THIS PATH BEFORE YOU,
IT’S A ROUGH PATH, A VERY, VERY TOUGH PATH,
BUT WE CAN MAKE IT.

HANG ON TO ME AND I’LL HANG ON TO YOU.
WE MAY STUMBLE, WE MAY EVEN FALL.

BUT WE’LL GET UP AGAIN,
AND WE’LL START WITH JUST ONE STEP,
YOUR HANDS LINKED WITH MINE.

WE’LL MAKE IT. YES, WE CAN MAKE IT.
ALL OF US TOGETHER,
JUST ONE STEP AT A TIME.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, By Marilyn Willett Heavilin, July, 1995
This article was written in memory of Lindsay Alice Groen, June 14, 2006 to May 16, 2008

Lindsay's Legacy Continues ...

2008-06-06T08:36:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we had our monthly hymnsing at America's KESWICK with 560 attendees. I had the opportunity to share Lindsay's story with them at the end of the session, and afterwards 12 senior citizens prayed to receive Christ as their Savior.

I cannot even remember how many people came up to me to share how they had been praying for Lindsay and the kids.

Robert and Joyce Hayes are a vital part of our ministry. Robert recorded a lullaby CD that all of our grands use when they go to bed. One of the precious songs they have recorded and share in their concerts is a poem written by Patty Fischer:

This Side of Heaven

This side of heaven there are some things I simply will not know
When I will ask the question, "why?" and no answer can be found.
When dreams are dashed and plans are spoiled,
And I don't understand, I'll trust in His unchanging grace
And rest within His hand.

One day I'll stand before His throne,
And worship at His feet.
That day He'll make his purpose known,
and I will be complete.
For in that moment I will know,
His plan for me was given.
Not for my brief stay here on earth,
but for my home in heaven.

For even as I'm struggling through,
Life's brutal dessert heat,
He floods me with amazing grace,
and fills my heart with peace.

This darkened side of heaven's doors
He'll fill with glorious light,
Revealing His great master plan
and there'll be no more night.
Until that day, I'll walk by faith
His purposes are best,
His love and grace have planned my life
And in that truth I'll rest.
Patty Fischer

Lindsay, we love you and miss you so much!

Update

2008-06-02T10:22:00.002-04:00

Today is Jon's first day back to work. Please be praying for both Jon and Laura as this is a difficult day of transition.

We continue to hear stories of how Lindsay's life has impacted people. If you would like to share your story, please email it to me so that I can post it on the blog: keswickexe@akmail.org

May God bless you.

Prayer for the kids

2008-05-31T07:11:00.003-04:00

Laura, Warren and Phyllis, attended a memorial service at Children's Hospital in Boston on Thursday night. It was a very meaningful and special service.

Today there is a group of folks from Dover Baptist coming over to help Jon with work outside of their house. We are so grateful for the love, support and care that the folks from Dover have provided to the kids.

Please pray for Laura as she was having a very difficult time last night. While we know that this is a part of the grieving process, the reality of Lindsay being in heaven is sinking in. I know that your prayers and notes of encouragement will mean so much right now.

Can you believe that the blog has gone over 41,000+ hits. Wow.

Memorial Service Video

2008-05-28T10:48:00.003-04:00

Here is the link to view Lindsay's Memorial Service. We appreciate Dover Baptist Church for making this available for our "Blog Family!"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1640945491895702578&hl=en

Don't Stop Writing

2008-05-27T08:04:00.003-04:00

I was amazed and pleased this morning to see that the blog is fast approaching 40,000 hits! I don't know why I am so amazed, but I is so humbling for us to see how you are still standing with Laura, Jon, and Tanner.

Some of you have walked through the valley of grief and can give testimony to the fact that God saw you THROUGH the preparations, viewing, funeral, and the aftermath of activities related to the "funeral" process. God's sustaining grace has certainly been a reality for all of us.

And God WILL be faithful to see the kids through this next phase. Often He uses His people to help come alongside of grieving families to encourage and lift up.

The kids took a few days to get away -- just the three of them. They are trying to adapt to a new "normal." Normal is going to look very different for months to come.

I want to encourage you today -- send a word of encouragement to Jon, Laura and Tanner today. As one grief writer said, "It's after the flowers are gone that we need each other!"

Thanks for being an encourager!

A Testimony of Impact

2008-05-25T11:33:00.003-04:00

We are starting to hear stories of how Lindsay's life has had a impact on people's lives. As we hear them, we will put them on the blog for your encouragement.

The following article was written by the Mom of our "adopted" son, Brian Bitler. Sherry serves on the full-time staff at Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church in Bear, Delaware. Our family attended the church during the years we served at Sandy Cove Ministries.

SHORT BUT SWEET
This week, Butch and I (and Ellen and JoLynn) took turns watchingour two young grandsons from New Jersey. Their mom and dad were at Children's Hospital in Boston with their dear friends who were watching their precious 22 month old fight for her life.

From Tuesday through Friday, they sat with them, helped them care for their 3 year old son, brought food, read encouragement from the Word, shared wisdom(our daughter-in-law is a critical care heart nurse at Deborah Heart and Lung Hospital), cried with them, prayed, and prayed more.

Friday afternoon at 1 PM little Lindsay’s heartgave out, she took her last breath on earth and entered Heaven. Here at home, we went about the usual things a 3 year oldand a 5 year old do....and don't do. Each of us in the family trying to fit this unexpected visit into our schedule, privileged to be even an indirect part of ministry to this hurting family. In the evenings after the house was once again quiet, we would check the blog for the latest information on Lindsay. We would also talk on the phone with our son. We would pray.

I am amazed at how much this tiny little life has touched me - and I have never met her. I am amazed at the compassion I feel for this family- the mom I have known since she was a young girl, but haven't seen in years - the dad I have never met. They are probably 25 years old. Such a heavy burden. I am so thankful they belong to Him and have strong, Christian family to help hold them through the grief.

Worshipping on Sunday morning, totally aware that Lindsay is with Jesus; and that her parents and grandparents have a painful hole in their hearts that will never be filled until they are in Heaven with her, was heart wrenching and I could not hold the tears. Sometimes singing praises to Him also lets the pain and the lack of understanding seep out. I could feel myself intentionally and deliberately pronouncing the words of PRAISE and TRUST and ADORATION as if I could force myself to overcome the disappointment that God didn't provide a miracle for this family by verbalizing what I know is true - begging my mind to override my emotion.

We serve a sovereign God - sometimes that is a great comfort, sometimes that is very difficult to bear. But it is truth. Lam. 3:31-32 - Men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

I am thankful Lindsay's story pointed me to this verse this week. I am thankful her grandparents took the time to share her story with us in the midst of their pain. I am praying for all the lives she touched and thankful for the Kingdom building that was accomplished through her short life on earth. Someday, I will understand more.

http://www.grpc.org/announcements/RP-5-22-08.pdf

Thanks, Sherry, for sharing this testimony.

How Beautiful Heaven Must Be

2008-05-23T08:13:00.004-04:00

I woke up last night around 1:00 AM and was having a hard time processing all the events of the past seven weeks. We had left our radio on and it was tuned to the XMradio southern gospel station, ENLIGHTEN (don't tell anyone I was listening to southern gospel.) It "just so happened" that the song being aired at that time was an old song, HOW BEAUTIFUL HEAVEN MUST BE. It really ministered to my heart in a special way.

This morning when I was having my quiet time, I was reminded that today is the anniversary of our BeBe's (Jan's Aunt) graduation to heaven several years ago. BeBe loved our kids as if they were her own grandkids. She never had the joy of meeting Lindsay. But using my sanctified imagination, I have a sneaky suspicion that she was standing in line waiting to welcome Lindsay home!

Lindsay Bear, Pop-Pop misses you so much!

We read of a place that’s called heaven,

It’s made for the pure and the free;

These truths in God’s Word He hath given,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Refrain:

How beautiful heaven must be,

Sweet home of the happy and free;

Fair heaven of rest for the weary,
How beautiful heaven must be.

In heaven no drooping nor pining,

No wishing for elsewhere to be;

God’s light is forever there shining,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Pure waters of life there are flowing,

And all who will drink may be free;

Rare jewels of splendor are glowing,

How beautiful heaven must be.

The angels so sweetly are singing,

Up there by the beautiful sea;

Sweet chords from their gold harps are ringing,

How beautiful heaven must be.

Lindsay Bear slideshow

2008-05-21T12:17:00.002-04:00

Here is a link to view the 25 minute slideshow that my brother Aaron whipped up for the service last night. It ran from 5:30 to 7:30, so if you were not there last night, or didn't come early.....here's the place to check it out.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8936589920461662266&hl=en

Wednesday Morning Update

2008-05-21T07:09:00.003-04:00

Thank you for praying for Laura, Jon, and Tanner last night. The Lord gave strength, peace and comfort. The Memorial Service was a wonderful tribute to Lindsay's legacy, and most of all, the Lord received the glory!

A thrill for Laura and Jon was to have three of their nurses from Children's Boston Hospital present. (Left to right -- Auntie Moira (Meow), Lauren, Joanna). We are so thankful for the loving care that they provided not only to Lindsay, but also to Jon, Laura, Tanner, Warren & Phyllis, and Jan.

We also want to thank the many ladies from MOPS who have supported Laura and the family with cookies, goodies, and most all, lots of hugs. Laura is going to need you all now more than ever! Keep lovin' her.

Watch the blog for information as to when the DVD/CD of the memorial service will be available. We will also be posting the power point presentation that was prepared by Jon's brother, Aaron. Great job, Aaron!

Over 140 people were watching the simulcast last night. Thanks to Dover Baptist Church for providing this service as well as taking care of the e-giving, food, providing the facility for our use. Thanks, Pastor Ken and Cindy, for all you have done for our kids.

It was good to meet so many of our "blogger" family last night. God used Lindsay to create a special family that have rejoiced when we rejoiced and have wept with us as we have wepts. Your prayers and encouragement have been a huge blessing to us.

We will be keeping the blog open so that our family can post entries from time to time. I am checking on how you can receive email notification when a new entry is made on the blog.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for taking this journey with us. In closing, here is the poem that our daughter, Julie, read last night. The original poem was written by Jan's Mom who lost a little girl. The kids adapted the poem for Lindsay:

Lord, we gave our little girl to Thee

before she breathed a breath

But e’re she came into the world

she soon bowed her head in death

And though we know not why Lord,

we know it’s in your plan.

And someday in the glory,

we’ll know and understand.
For she belonged to you Lord,

right from the very start,

And when you took her from us,

it nearly broke our heart.

And Lord it wasn’t easy

as the tears flowed down our face

And yet we felt Thy Presence

and Thy overflowing GRACE.

The hours, as they dragged along,

seemed endless it is true,

And still in spite of all the pain

we knew you’d see us through.

We knew because You promised

and You’re faithful to Your Word

And lots of folks were praying

and we knew that You had heard.
How folks can live without YOU,

Lord, is a mystery,

They’ll trust in almost anything

instead of faith in THEE.

They’ll trust in their religion

or in anything man made

When all they need is Jesus

who died their soul to save.
So thank you Lord for courage,

for strength and grace from Thee

And help us keep on trusting

till someday HER face we see.

God bless you.

Tuesday Morning Update

2008-05-20T08:12:00.005-04:00

Thank you again for the outpouring of love and support that have been shown to Laura, Jon and Tanner. Tonight is the memorial service for Lindsay Bear and I know that the kids will appreciate your prayers.

Thanks to the folks at Dover Baptist Church, you will be able to listen to the service tonight by visiting this website: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/lindsaybear The service will begin approximately at 7:30 PM.

We will try and put a link for the service on the blog for those of you that can't get hear it through the church link, and can send you a CD upon request.

I would also encourage you to listen to today's SONGTIME broadcast with Dr. John DeBrine. He gave us an opportunity to share some of the things we have learned through this experience:

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Songtime/archives.asp?bcd=5/20/2008

Keep your blogs coming! They are encouraging the kids and all of the family. We love you.

Sunday Update

2008-05-18T14:42:00.003-04:00

We appreciate the outpouring of love, encouragement, and prayers that have been extended to the kids. Several folks have emailed to ask how you can minister to the kids. Here are several suggestions:

1. If you'd like to send a card to Laura, Jon and Tanner, here is their address.

1226 First Crown Point Road
Strafford, NH 03884

2. One of our friends suggested that people still buy bracelets ($5.00) as a reminder to pray for the kids. She said she turned her bracelet inside out and just have the pink side showing. For those of you that have gone through grief, you know that it is after the services and flowers are gone, that it is the hardest.

3. Send Tanner a card. I know that he is going to really miss Lindsay.

Later on today we will post directions to the church. I am also going to see if the church will record the service so that we can put the audio on the blog for those of you that would be interested.

I know that each night the kids are reading through the blog entries. Thank you for doing that.

Lindsay's Memorial Service

2008-05-17T15:42:00.003-04:00

Thank you for your continued prayers for Laura, Jon and Tanner. God's grace IS sufficient and He is giving them His peace and comfort.

The service for Lindsay will be as follows:

Tuesday, May 2o, 2008 at Dover Baptist Church

5:30-7:30 PM -- Visitation for family and friends
7:30 PM -- Memorial Service
Interment will be private at a later date.

Dover Baptist is located at 151 Washington Street, Dover, New Hampshire
You can sign onto the church website for directions: doverbaptistchurch.org

In lieu of flowers, you can send Memorial Gifts to the Lindsay Groen Memorial Fund through Dover Baptist Church.

If you cannot attend the service, you can leave a message on the blog. The kids are reading every message.

She Has Fought A Good Fight and Has Won The Race

2008-05-16T14:01:00.002-04:00

2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith ..."
At 1:00 PM, Lindsay "Bear" Groen closed her eyes on this side of heaven and opened them in the presence of Jesus. She now has a brand new heart -- one better than any Berlin Heart or transplant could ever give her.

The entire family had the opportunity to be with Laura, Jon and Tanner as she slipped into eternity.

We want to thank the hundreds of thousands of the new family that Lindsay brought together because of her time at Children's Hospital Boston. The outpouring of love, prayers, cards, gifts, and encouragement has been overwhelming.

We also want to thank the doctor's, nurses, and technicians, for the amazing care that they provided to Lindsay and our family. We are most grateful for their love and compassion even up until her very last breath.

Please watch the blog for details and where to direct any Memorial Gifts. I know that the kids would love to hear from you, so don't stop blogging.